to think that you should NEVER comment on the weight of other people's babies?

[Moomma]

I was blamelessly attending Rhymetime at my local library today with my admittedly featherweight DS, who is just five months. The woman next to me admired him and asked how old he was. When I told her, she gasped and said, 'But he's tiny! Mine is six months and she's twice his size!'

She wasn't twice his size. She looked to be a few pounds heavier - maybe five. But I wouldn't have said, 'God, is she shaping up to be obese?'

DS is on the bottom of the growth charts and his weight has been a constant source of anxiety and worry for me since he was born (early). And I just wish everyone who has commented on it since he was born would form an orderly queue so I could tell them all to fuck off.

It just makes me want to stay at home and hide.

OK, I think DS was over 1 year at the time I am thinking of; so maybe centiles didn't apply and the HV just had a rather limited range of weights on her chart ... I do recall her saying "my chart doesn't actually go that high", though. Fortunately she also said it was clear he was healthy and in proportion.

I sometimes think he's got a core of dark matter or something -- he is still far heavier than he looks even tho he's slimmed down so much.

Sorry OP, wandering far from your original point.

@Dorothea - haha - my baby also has a core of dark matter!! Weirdly heavy...

Sympathise with you on this - both my girls were small at birth 5lbs 7 and 6lbs 1. With dd1 someone actually asked me what had I done when I was pg to make her so small I cried for 3 hrs. And when I was pg with dd2 I constantly had say to mws,drs and hvs that I just obviously have small babies - are they healthy? yes? then leave us alone.
Now its the opposite dd1 is tall and skinny and now at 3yrs people often mistaken her for a 5/6yr old. I just think its rude for people to comment on her size when she is obviously so beautiful

It is irritating sometimes but I'm with the opinion on the thread that generally people are well-meaning and just want to chat about your baby and it's the most obvious thing to say. I guess people think that it's just a statement of fact and many wouldn't realise that this would be sensitive - it isn't like telling an adult they're a whopper after all!

It's a shame to be upset by this generally idle chit-chat although i know it's hard when feeling sensitive but try to be amused if you can - my (in my opinion beautiful) DD was described as a 'wise old man' on the tube when she was a year old - I know it wasn't size-related but unfortunate if amusing and another example of random spoutings! I felt obliged to pretend her name was Davey not Daisy to avoid embarrassing the poor old dear.

My partner is 6 foot 7 and has had to endure a lifetime of comment on his enormity but it has included being bought drinks at the bar merely for being so tall (which isn't even THAT tall) so there is sometimes a plus side

As to percentiles, the top line shown on the standard chart is the 99.6th percentile - this means that on average only 4 in 1000 babies would be above this line and in general this is what people mean by 'off the charts'

YANBU!!

i get it frequently, ds is 31mnths and a wee lad, in 18mnths clothes as he was prem hes just wee, dd is 15mnths and she was a bit od, and is a tall girl,

Are they twins???

Nope, hes 2 and shes 1!

Omg is he ill??? does she have some kinda growth hormone imbalance??

I just hate people sometimes!

Ha Dorothea! That must be what's going on with my 2yo son, who's heavier than my friends 3yo!

OP, I do feel for you, but I think people, especially new mums just grapple through the tiredness for conversation, and end up muttering something about weight & sleeping patterns.

Lets face it, they don't do much at this age. In a few weeks the conversation will turn to "what's your DC doing", and a whole fresh hell of boasting will ensue.

Don't sweat it, babies come in all sizes, but we're sometimes still stuck in that wartime mentality, insisting our children clean their plate,and that a "bonnie" baby is a healthy one.

YANBU. I don't know why people feel they have the right to poke their noses in. TBH, I would say, very calmly, "Have you any idea how demoralising your remarks are?" I have no qualms about telling strangers to mind it. A lady bustled up to me and said "Why have you got that baby girl dressed like a little boy?" (DD was about ten months at the time and in jeans and a red and white jumper, so hardly cross dressing). So I said "And what on earth do you think gives you the right to comment?" At least it stops you stewing about it later.

DD has been trundling along the 5th centile for 4 months, and gets lots of comments about how tiny she is, even on the ward the midwives were saying she was a small one (6lb 1oz dropped to 5lb 11). I never thought to be upset by them, she is tiny and dainty and gorgeous.

Other babies of her age look huge to me, so it's all about what you're used to.

Much sympathy, Moomma. I do think people generally mean well but they can be very tactless at times. It is far from unheard of for relatively new mums to worry a lot about their baby's weight and, having been one of the worriers till quite recently, I would certainly avoid mentioning a baby's size myself, especially if s/he seemed particularly big or small. There's always something safer to comment on without being bland. When I was at my most worried about my pea sized daughter's incredible facility to put on next to no weight at all ever, I really could have hugged the minority of people who mentioned her intelligent expression, beautiful skin and big blue eyes rather than saying: "Oh she's tiny! My G was never that small! She was prem, right? Look at her teensy chicken-like legs!" as practically every other person under the sun was saying at the time. I feel confident that she's absolutely fine now so am much more laid back about people pointing out that she's small but when I was desperately worrying that all was not well it really was hard to force a smile when well-meaning people mentioned the very thing that was concerning me greatly over and over again.

But please don't stay home and hide. Your gorgeous baby boy has far more to him than his size and you and he must hang in there and show the world how very fab he is.

YABU.

My DD is enormous, she soared off the percentile charts at around 3mths and has stayed that way. She is not obese she is just a big baby due to the fact her mum and dad are to very tall atheletic people and so are her aunts and uncles.

People always comment on her size and often think she is SN as she looks older than she is. I do find it irritating when old bags tell me what I should and shouldn't be feeding her, but apart from politley cut them off there's nothing I can do about it. So I have to make the choice as to whether or not I'm going to let it get to me and so should you as people aren't going to stop commenting.

I find the comments boring rather than offensive as I have the same conversation every day with strangers or people I have just met at toddler groups etc.

Sorry to veer away from the main point (and of course you're not BU) but I really do like the idea of people forming an orderly queue to be told to fuck off .

This is the sort of thing that people will tell you to just get over. I have had it both ways - a tiny DD2 "She must not like your milk!" and DD who has never been any size apart from average according to the height and weight charts but for some reason seems to get comments about her height. "She's very tall!" I've noticed tends to come from mothers with rather shorter than average boys, so I try not to let it bother me. Of course they wouldn't like it if I said: "You're son's just a squirt!"

WTF is a weaning fair?

I didn't mean that harshly btw, Avril! Genuinely have never heard of them.

Is it where Cow& Gate flog their wares? (Cynical)

i had a 9Ib8 baby - and used to comments all the time, including from family. It really bugged me and I am now paranoid about what she eats. her cousin who is older is tiny - eats nothing but sweets and crisps seems to be praised for unhealthiness. I have learnt that every child/baby is different - and as long as you are encouraging healthy eating etc then all is fine. People are to quick to judge - but it is often the same with adults - people always feel the need to comment on peoples weight - roar!!!!

I'm also coming from the opposite end of the spectrum; my 18 month old DS is very tall & has a chubby tummy (& at times has been a bit fatter). People always have commented on him: 'he's HUGE!!' 'he' so BIG!!' 'is his dad a GIANT?!' are comments I have the pleasure (not) of hearing day in day out. I've become a bit thick skinned, well as much as I can though because I also sometimes get upset & I've been known to ask friends 'do you think he's fat?'. I think YANBU to feel this way, we mothers worry about all sorts of things, but YAB a bit U to take it at heart and expect people to be more 'tactful', as someone said before, people always have made comments about babies & their appearance, its human nature.

Avril, yes I do take your point, but believe me we parents of 'bonny' babies can also get anxious about it. DP is a bit obsessed by the whole thing, he googled an article the other day that said that parents 'don't see how fat their children actually are' & brought it to me to see. He also takes it very much at heart when people make comments on the matter. So you can't win either way!

My niece was tiny - even the HV commented at some check-up that she would probably be 'short'. She is now one of the tallest in her class. Which is not entirely surprising as my sister is fairly tall. In the end your lovely baby will almost certainly grow in line with genetic expectations. I do understand your anxieties but try not to take what people say to heart - they always have to find something to comment on because babies (however much we know how unique our own are) tend to look like babies.

YANBU at all. 'People' may well not mean to be insensitive, but 'people' need to think before they say anything about a baby's appearance. Yes, many mothers may well be over-sensitive and unnecessarily anxious - but some mothers have things to be genuinely anxious about, and a baby that's failing to thrive (not saying that's the case with the OP's baby) is one of the biggest sources of anxiety in the first few months.

I think AvrilHeytch has got it right - bigger babies usually are healthy, while little ones may well be healthy, or they may have something going on with them that is driving the mother out of her mind with worry.

It's a minefield - but I really think no-one should comment on a baby's size. I was definitely guilty of it before I had DD2, and was forever peering into prams and saying 'oh, what a tiny baby' and other ill-considered crap. All I meant was 'tiny and cute', but having been on the receiving end of endless observations about DD2's size (and development generally), I now know that comments like that can bring all your anxieties to the surface and spoil your day.

Oh FFS, reading MN I feel like I should never say anything to anybody ever again about anything; some people are so determined to find a critical meaning in any comment or response! I too had tiny babies/tots and it never bothered me in the least that people commented on their petiteness. Ditto for comments about the size of my bump, or how skinny they think I am, etc. Commenting on baby size is just a way to chat about what parenthood is like, especially when they don't know anything else about you.

Wish I could be as polite about it as NormaSmorks in my YABU.

Not had time to read whole thread but:
I am fascinated by tiny babies esp premmies as DD was 9lb 12oz at birth. People look at ME and say I must have been enormous (I was) but DD looks neither very big or very small so she hasnt had many comments on her size.

Anyway, point is I adore babies, but esp teeny tiny ones and have to stop myself from saying anything other than they are gorgeous (ie aren't they cute - so tiny!) as I'm not sure it wont be taken the wrong way.

I do want to pick up every baby I see though, big or small