to want the NHS to pay for a vasectomy reversal

[faddle]

DH had the snip a couple of years ago. At the time, we were both suffering from depression, myself quite severely, and I had just miscarried an unplanned pregnancy when my pill didnt work. In a fit of panic I packed him off for the snip and he (also in a fit of panic) went and had the op. Neither of us were offered counselling, and nor were was DH asked any questions other than "are you sure".
I have recently been and asked the GP for a referral to have the reversal, and he has agreed to refer us, but couldnt tell me the criteria, other than he didnt think we would be eligible.
Am I being unreasonable to ask for the NHS to pay for this since I feel if we had both been counselled, or at least interviewed, they probably would not have agreed to do the op given our mental state at the time.
We do desperately want another child, but the cost of having a reversal privately is beyond our means.

YANBU to want it done but really YABU to expect the NHS to pay. It isn't a life threatening situation you are in.

FWIW my DH went for a vasectomy when our youngest was just over one. I didn't go with him. DH wasn't asked why he wanted it, just how many children he had and their ages. He had it done 3 months later.

I am not 100% happy he has had it done but in my head I know it is the right decision and he wouldn't have a reversal attempt but if we decided to try, we would expect to pay for it.

I also had depression when the decision was made.

What I think is unreasonable is just how easy it is to get a vasectomy on the NHS - and often when it's really NOT the right thing for that couple.

I really, really feel for you faddle

then maybe - there should be a charge to actually get a vasectomy in the first place? - people would think long and hard about it then and not just do it on a whim.

what gets me with this thread is if i started a topic in AIBU saying:

i have smoked 20 cigarettes a day, and now i have lung cancer even though for years ive known the risks, i am needing chemo and radiotherapy and an operation, lots of aftercare, oh,and a sick note, AIBU in expecting the NHS to pay? there would be uproar.

i think the OP has had a pasting she didnt really deserve. she isnt responsible for other people not getting IVF, she was just asking for opinions, and if you read the OP it clearly says she had just had a MC, i find the lack of compassion for the OP quite sad.

i dont think the nhs should pay for her husbands reversal op but neither do i think that her question was the root of all evil in the NHS.

Use a sperm donor.

And you are blaming not having acess to info regarding appropriate contraception too and you are on a computer - google girl it will all be on there regardless of what problem you have finding out about contraception is easy.

"there should be a charge to actually get a vasectomy in the first place?"

And penalise poorer families who want one?

Agree with the others YABU to expect the NHS to pay for the reversal.

They paid and carried out the procedure because your DH said he wanted it, and he would have been told x y and z and signed umpteen forms. Him having the procedure when YOU were depressed is an issue between the two of you - it's not the NHS's responsibility to make sure the partner is happy about it.

Vicar, you can't really compare a life threatening illness with a vasectomy reversal.

YABU.

People are such chancers! You made the choice, live with it or pay yourself!

FFS, what next NHS pays for a boob job but it's not quite the right size for your needs so they pay for another and then you decide you don't want implants at all...

The NHS isn't their to pay for the whims of every single person. The money is needed for the treatment of cancer, heart disease, serious accidents etc. It is not their for people who cannot make up their frigging mind!

there for people rather

Despite saying very bluntly at the begining of this thread that I thought the OP should take some responsibility I am now feeling very uncomfortable about some of the more recent comments regarding who is more entitled to grieve the inability to conceive.

A persons desire to conceive is such a personal issue, it is impossible to consider and inappropriate to dwell on who "deserves" a baby more. Who is to say that the woman who cannot conceive one baby suffers more than the mother of one who cannot conceive her second. Both suffer an enormous amount of heartache and grief. Can you really say that one deserves something more than the othere? What about when you consider that one woman may have suffered miscarriage/s - does she suddenly become more deserving by virtue of her trauma?

Faddle, if the NHS refused vasectomies to anyone suffering from depression, then we'd have a lot of unwanted and damaged children. It's great that you have turned your lives around in two years. But depression is part of life. You made a decision during a part of your life that you are regrettting now that your circumstances have changed. That's just the way it is, sometimes. It's no one's fault at all, it's just the way it is. Don't fret too much about blame. I think your approach to start saving is a good one. Good luck.

If you mean me nancydrewrocks then I'm not saying at all that anyone with an inability to conceive is not entitled to grieve. However I do think that facing up to childlessness is different to facing up to limiting your family at two children because you chose to put an end to your fertility. If you feel differently fine. I'm still entitled to my opinion.

It's interesting people saying there is quite a waiting list for a vasectemy.....it is done at our doctors surgery here!! In and out......if you excuse the Pun!!
But people need to take responsibility for themselves and no I do not think the reversals should be made readily available.

No Clairedeloon I was singling out anyone in particular and I agree that facing childlessness is different to facing up to limiting your family because you chose to put an end to your fertility
I whilst I agree that childlessness and having your family limited are in themselves different I don't agree that the way in which you are entitled to grieve your circumstances is necessarily different. And II certainly wouldn't say that one is worse than the other, particularly where m/c is involved.

Nancy I think that the two are very different. When DH and I were told we couldn't have kids it was devastating, thankfully the doctors were wrong and I have a beautiful DD.

I know that at some point in the future I might face the heartbreak of not being able to conceive again but I can't imagine that it would compare to the complete desolation I felt when we were told that we could never have kids, not now that I have the joy of my DD and the ongoing privilege of parenthood.

That being said, I don't wish to belittle anyones desperation and recognise that people in all sorts of situations face sad, hopeless situations, but in my mind the two are very, very different. This is one of those topics that people will never agree on.

I am not sure, I feel for you though. I sometimes wonder why vasectomy/sterilisation are so common unless there are health reasons etc. I don't want more kids but who knows what the future holds and I hate the thought of 'loosing' my fertility forever. There are other methods but i know not everyone can use hormones etc. just seems like loads of friends have it done then regret it a few years later and I always think what if they split up etc etc.

soup dragon i can - because some people choose to engage in very high risk behaviour which massively increases their risk of becoming ill and they do it knowingly, so its a choice. just as the OP's husbands vasectomy was a choice. and 3k is small potatoes compared to the cost of smoking/drinking for the NHS.

anyway - all this is academic as the OP seems to have long gone. cant say i blame her, as her acknowledgement that she was indeed being unreasonable seemed to fall on the deaf ears of the angry mob. this was a woman in pain and recovering from depression and a miscarriage and all she got for asking about an nhs reversal was a slating from people taking out their own frustrations on her. she acknowledged she was wrong but hey, why let that get in the way of a good arse kicking? she hadnt actually DONE anything wrong.she had simply asked for a referral - doesnt meant she will get what she wants and in fact was highly unlikely to, but some comments were just uncalled for imo.

Faddle yabu its your choice, your an adult you have to do your research. If you cannot afford a vasectomy reversal how the hell are ou going to afford another child

I think people are piling in a bit here, some only reading the OP (pigletmania- you do that a LOT ). She has conceded that she needs to re-think, and others have pointed it out. Enough, I think.