to want the NHS to pay for a vasectomy reversal

[faddle]

DH had the snip a couple of years ago. At the time, we were both suffering from depression, myself quite severely, and I had just miscarried an unplanned pregnancy when my pill didnt work. In a fit of panic I packed him off for the snip and he (also in a fit of panic) went and had the op. Neither of us were offered counselling, and nor were was DH asked any questions other than "are you sure".
I have recently been and asked the GP for a referral to have the reversal, and he has agreed to refer us, but couldnt tell me the criteria, other than he didnt think we would be eligible.
Am I being unreasonable to ask for the NHS to pay for this since I feel if we had both been counselled, or at least interviewed, they probably would not have agreed to do the op given our mental state at the time.
We do desperately want another child, but the cost of having a reversal privately is beyond our means.

Maize, I'm well aware of what some can do who are suffering MH problems. I tried to kill my body. The guy downstairs managed to get someone else to do that for him.

Why are you singling me out, I only agreed with what everyone else was saying, and I'm still on 150mg venflaxine.

'However, I do also expect that a consultant performing a life changing (for both partners) operation should have made sure that both partners were in good mental health'

A urologist is not a psychiatrist. His job is to perform the procedure with minimal harm to the patient's body. He's a surgeon, not a psychiatrist.

As for your desire for a second child, you do realise this board is full of people struggling to conceive their first, yeah?

Lockets - there were a couple of other options I could have taken which would have been more reliable than the mini-pill I was taking - I have found out about them since the op, but I wasnt told about them at the time - I do have a somewhat complicated medical history which limits what pill I can take etc.
I didnt go to the GP when my husband asked for the referral. The first time any medical professional spoke to me about the procedure was when we visited the GP a few weeks ago to ask for the reversal. So when referring DH for the op, neither the GP nor the consultant had any idea of my mental state, they would not even have seen my medical records, as DH is at a separate practice to myself.

My husband had the procedure almost 3 weeks ago.

You sign your name to many forms.

Whether you read them or not is your affair, but you do sign them.

Or not.

I think that the NHS doesn't fund it, because it is so 'hit & miss' as to whether it works.

If it doesn't work, then it is time & finds wasted, for nothing! Funds that can be usesd in cases where there will be a much better success rate.

My brother had it done several years ago, separated from his wife, got remarried. They refused him a reversal, he has 2 children, his (new) wife did not have any.

It didn't work anyway, and this is something you need to be prepared for, NHS funded or not. A reversal is not reliable.

You may have to come to terms with the fact that you may never conceive another child without some kind of intervention.

I doubt the Dr would have referred your husband if he was that depressed.

'So when referring DH for the op, neither the GP nor the consultant had any idea of my mental state, they would not even have seen my medical records, as DH is at a separate practice to myself.'

It was his responsibility to bring up your mental state. And his.

If a woman sees a GP for referral for abortion services, she is not asked about her husband's mental state or for his consent, because it is her body the procedure is being performed on.

Similarly, a man's body is his domain.

Sorry expat your wording touched a nerve with me - used to self harm and struggle with what I can do to myself when not well.

Your husband's vasectomy has nothing to do with you faddle - it is his body and his choice. A consultant could do it even if you strongly objected at that time. They should take a holistic view of the patient and their unique family circumstances. BUT there is only so far they can go with that.

You need to separate yourself from this equation, it is about your husband's choice really. Of course you could argue that if he had know about your contraception options he might not have made the same choice but thats a tricky one.

Am a bit dim about the biology, but isn't a vasectomy just that sperm doesn't go through the tubes, but is still being made in the testicles? Is there a method of getting the sperm? I have no idea, but would this be possible?

But think about the long term. What are the statistics re: vasectomy reversal. Are there any other options? what would you do once you have completed your family? Another vasectomy?

Personally, I wouldn't dwell on who should be paying for the operation, but even if costs £3,000 to get it done and you feel the odds are justified, chalk it up as experience and move forward.

faddle - can you see that you and your dh bear the responsbility for this? If there was an endless pot of money of course you should get your reversal but there isnt.

actually expat, its my third child I'm wanting. And having experienced 3 years of infertility trying to get pregnant with my first, I'm perfectly well aware of the horror of not being able to conceive. But I can tell you now, that wanting a child and not being able to have one is devastating whether or not you already have children. And if you have trouble with that, I would suggest you ask the girls on the TTC board who are trying unsucessfully to conceive their 2nd or subsequent children! Please dont belittle my feelings and I will try not to do the same to you or others.

Faddle - your mental state has nothing to do with your husband's choice to have a vasectomy. It was his decision and the clinician who proceeded with the operation was doing so on the basis of his consent alone. Most clinicians ask what the other partners view is - but they are not obligated to consider it.

I am absolutely certain your husband was told it was a permanent procedure and he consented to that.

You have no grounds for feeling ill used here. You didn't want to be pregnant again and you asked the NHS to ensure that didn't happen. You got exactly what you asked for. Rather than trying to blam the organisation for this you need to be thinking about what has so changed in your lives in the last two years that you can contemplate another child - and as that is not possible - what you can both therefore expend that energy on.

faddle - spend some time on teh sen board and look to see how much basic equipment is lacking for so many children due to there beign no money.

Sorry but YABU to expect the NHS to pay for this.

If it was really that important to you, then you'd be paying for it yourself.

faddle, i think it's highly unlikely that your husband wasn't asked about his family situation at the time

I am sure, being a grown man, he could have chosen to tell them about what you had gone through. perhaps, he didn't. that was HIS choice.

god, people are so keen to blame everyone else for their wrong decisions these days.

yabu.

Afaik your consent isn't actually required in order for your dh to have a vasectomy anyway - your dh could go and have one without your knowledge if he had so chosen.

But it could be argued in fact that if you're not mentally fit enough to consent to a procedure, then you're not mentally fit to bring another child into the world.

Yes it's sad you can't have another child, but you made that choice, you're not a victim of infertility - you actively took steps to ensure you couldn't have any more children.

So that's life and now you need to deal with it.

Rainbow - thank you for your posts. I see what you are saying and I do agree. This anger I have about the procedure I have been carrying around for a long time and I have been blaming the GP and the NHS etc etc. I think I have to relook at that now and as you say come to terms as best I can. And start saving for a reversal, just hope we get there before my eggs get past their sell by date!

Sympathies, but YABU. I feel there are more important things the NHS needs to concentrate on than allowing you to have another baby.

'But I can tell you now, that wanting a child and not being able to have one is devastating whether or not you already have children. And if you have trouble with that, I would suggest you ask the girls on the TTC board who are trying unsucessfully to conceive their 2nd or subsequent children! Please dont belittle my feelings and I will try not to do the same to you or others.'

If you had been around here any length of time you would know I accidentally conceived a third child, then went back and forth to EPUs far from our home to discover the fetus had died.

I did not miscarry it naturally.

I was to be put in a maternity unit to await ERPC.

Or go private, which I did.

So why do you assume because I do not agree with you I am belittling you?

Several of the women I consider very good friends cannot conceive more than one, for a variety of reasons completely beyond their control.

Two have suffered absolutely devestating miscarriages, one after IVF and infertility from cancer.

I can't imagine asking the NHS to cover a vasectomy reversal so I can have a third child when it doesn't cover IVF for people who can't have a first child at all, much less those who can't have a second for medical reasons.

So please, don't come on here and accuse me and use me as the teddy to fling out your pram.

You have two very beautiful children.

They don't.

Another couple on here I know don't even have that.

And their heart breaks.

You and I are not and never can be in the same league.

So save it!

faddle - you need to realise that a reversal - however paid for - most likely WILL NOT WORK. There is a tiny chance of you having another child so please, please do not spend the next three years saving up fixated on this because you are setting yourself up for a terrible disappointment!

Whilst I understand that the NHS has limited reources, I think that very possibly if I was in the OP's shoes, I would also be exploring every avenue available.

That might include arguing to the PCT that my Dh's mental health issue meant he wasn't properly counselled. I am not saying this is right, but can understand her desparate attempts to have another child.

In the cold light of day, when you are personally affected, it can be difficult to see the ethical/moral/financial high ground.

Actually, I hope some people I know from here don't even see this thread, because they are hoping for IVF treatment to even have one.

Take responsibility for your own actions. If you wish to have the procedure reversed, pay for it.
It's not the fault of NHS, it's was your own decision.
Often,'depression' should be called 'life'. Deal with it.

Fleegle - exploring avenues is one thing. The op seems convinced moral right is on her side and she's wrong.

You have had a crappy time and the longing for another child is one that many people can relate to. But equally, you can not reasonably expect the NHS to pick up the tab for this.