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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want the NHS to pay for a vasectomy reversal

123 replies

faddle · 10/02/2010 20:33

DH had the snip a couple of years ago. At the time, we were both suffering from depression, myself quite severely, and I had just miscarried an unplanned pregnancy when my pill didnt work. In a fit of panic I packed him off for the snip and he (also in a fit of panic) went and had the op. Neither of us were offered counselling, and nor were was DH asked any questions other than "are you sure".
I have recently been and asked the GP for a referral to have the reversal, and he has agreed to refer us, but couldnt tell me the criteria, other than he didnt think we would be eligible.
Am I being unreasonable to ask for the NHS to pay for this since I feel if we had both been counselled, or at least interviewed, they probably would not have agreed to do the op given our mental state at the time.
We do desperately want another child, but the cost of having a reversal privately is beyond our means.

OP posts:

spongebrainbigpants · 10/02/2010 21:03

This is why I don't want my dh to have a vasectomy, ever.

Sorry, YABU. I couldn't get IVF on the NHS cos I was "too young". Life sucks.

wilkos · 10/02/2010 21:03

So the NHS is totally responsible for the management of your depression as well?

I feel for you, but take responsibility. you knew the outcome of the op

suck it up and start saving. as others have said the NHS is not a bottomless pit of money for your convenience.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 21:05

YABU.

You knew it was permanent. Still did it.

An adult person is responsible for what he does to his body.

You should pay for it yourself.

annh · 10/02/2010 21:05

I think YABU. You say your husband had the snip in a "fit of panic" but there's quite a waiting list to have the op so his panic lasted a long time during which time you could have reconsidered. There's presumably also quite a waiting list for a reversal (if you can even get on it, which I think is doubtful). Couldn't you try to save up the money for a private during whatever the waiting period for an NHS op would be? If that is not possible then I think you should reconsider anyway whether you can really afford to have a baby.

lockets · 10/02/2010 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsHappy · 10/02/2010 21:07

Your OP says you already have a child and where that is the case AFAIK the NHS does not generally pay for fertility treatment (which I guess a reversal is), regardless of how the inability to conceive has come about.

I do sympathise because I guess that if your partner could take back his earlier decision he would, but it would be unfair I think if the NHS would pay for treatment in this circumstance but not, for example, for IVF for a woman who already has a child but who has since lost her tubes because of ectopic pregnancies (i.e. where she had no choice in the matter).

As someone else said, the NHS is not a bottomless pit. It may seem unfair but where resoures are limited this sort of thing is never going to be top priority.

LadyBiscuit · 10/02/2010 21:09

YABU.

muttonchop · 10/02/2010 21:11

Was the vasectomy done on the NHS? If so, isn't there quite a long waiting list for it? Probably long enough for you both to think about what you're doing and be sure it's really what you want?

Sympathies that you are upset about it all, but as others have said, NHS resources aren't unlimited.

CarGirl · 10/02/2010 21:14

The only circumstances I know of a reversal on the NHS was 15ish years ago after their 2 year old died in a tragic accident.

I think it is usual to ask now "would you want another child if your current child (ren) died" so I think you are unlikely to get any assistance on the NHS

Where I live the PCT does not pay for IVF at all for anyone.

Original poster

faddle · 10/02/2010 21:17

He went to see the GP in August, the consultant in early september, and the op was done on the 28th of september, about 6 weeks after the first trip to the GP to request it. They had one of those lorry operating theatres. We couldnt believe how quick it was. I do take responsibility for my own actions, but my point is that due to my depression, very recent shock pregnancy and MC (and the misinformation I had about other contraceptive choices) I was not in a suitable state of mind to make this choice, and neither was DH.

OP posts:

woosam · 10/02/2010 21:18

I too think YABVU.

If your Dr had said no and you had fallen pregnant I'm sure you'd be complaining that the NHS was unfair not to have done it and that you now had an extra mouth to feed.

It is not a bottomless pit and unfortunately things like vac reversals are pretty near the bottom of priorities. IVF for all must surely come first.

I symathise but YABU.

woosam · 10/02/2010 21:20

But as an adult it is your responsibility to be completely informed about contraceptive choices.

Tryharder · 10/02/2010 21:23

If you had said "my husband had a vasectomy, it was the right thing to do at the time but our circs are now different and we have changed our minds, would it be unreasonable for us to have a reversal on the NHS" then I would have said YANBU. I mean, come on, nobody "wants" to pay for something if it's available through the state.

But because you inferred that it's all the NHS's fault anyway as you apparently have no powers of decision making yourselves, then I am concluding YABU. It gets on my nerves when adults refuse to take the consequences for decisions they themselves made. And people wonder why the Nanny State came about....

Look, I hope you get your reversal on the NHS, I really do but it's not the NHS's fault that your husband had the vasectomy.

spongebrainbigpants · 10/02/2010 21:23

As others have said, you already have a child/children. There is a blanket policy in all PCTs that no couples who already have children can have NHS IVF. So the same rule should apply for vasectomy reverals.

lockets · 10/02/2010 21:24

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Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 21:27

Nope, I still don't buy it, and I was and still am very depressed from PND that has now been diagnosed as clinical depression.

It is a permanent form of birth control.

Anyone who can read knows this.

It is not the NHS's job to make sure everyone who has it is 100% ready, it's the patient's.

People have to accept responsibility for their bodies and choices.

Lubyloo · 10/02/2010 21:32

Sorry but YABU.

My PCT won't even fund basic fertility treatment so I really hope they aren't spending money on vasectomy reversals.

wilkos · 10/02/2010 21:32

So if you werent in a suitable state of mind to make the choice why did you make it then?

Are you in a suitable state of mind now to have another child? Will you be after the NHS to pay and care for a child born as a result of a vasectomy reversal that you later regret?

6 weeks is plenty of time to change your mind, but you didnt. He didnt have a gun put to his head did he?

I am off now, am too cross. Have had too many dealings with underfunded NHS and its impact on genuinely ill family members to be objective.

OP, I hope you get this resolved but YABVVU

Original poster

faddle · 10/02/2010 21:32

I'm not implying that it is all the NHS's fault, I am an adult and as I said I do take responsibility for my actions.
However, I do also expect that a consultant performing a life changing (for both partners) operation should have made sure that both partners were in good mental health.
WOOSAM - As an adult, I try to be completely informed about contraception, thats why I asked my GP who gave me incorrect information. Should I now be researching the internet etc? or should I assume that my GP has done that research and is giving me all the options based on my personal circumstances.

I can see that I am being unreasonable in wanting the NHS to pay for this - there are countless more important things, but I'm afraid I'm being rather selfish, and I cant see past the desire for another child. And for anyone who has that desire but cant have a child for whatever reason, you will know how compelling that desire can be.

OP posts:

Maize · 10/02/2010 21:33

A toughie, they are unlikely to pay for it though. Can you afford to save up and go privately? It would take a while but an NHS referal will take a while anyway.

Expat - lots of people do silly things to their bodies because of mental health problems so I don't think its as black and white as that.

Original poster

faddle · 10/02/2010 21:33

I can see that I am being unreasonable in wanting the NHS to pay for this - there are countless more important things, but I'm afraid I'm being rather selfish, and I cant see past my wish for another child. And for anyone who has that desire but cant have a child for whatever reason, you will know how compelling that can be.

OP posts:

Maize · 10/02/2010 21:36

There is an informed consent issue but did the consultant who consented you make it clear that this was a permanent thing that was not easy to reverse. Because in that situation he is probably covered.

You are arguing that you did not have the capacity to consent and thats a lot more complex.

lockets · 10/02/2010 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fleegle · 10/02/2010 21:39

If you weren't properly counselled and consented for the op then YANBU.

However, I would be really surprised if there wasn't paperwork or a consent form, signed by your DH, that said he had given consent and been fully informed.

Much as I sympathise, I think it would be diffcult to prove that your mental health meant you didn't understand the permanence of the procedure.

I understand your deep wish for another child. Good Luck with it all.

Cadmum · 10/02/2010 21:42

I am somewhat intrigued by the answers. I cannot imagine why the op was performed shortly following a miscarriage without counseling. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

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