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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do I give my sister a massage?

38 replies

amigababy · 07/02/2010 21:24

Hello all, just need a bit od advice to see if I've mis judged my feelings on this one.

My sister and her dh are visiting from abroad soon, for the first time in 7 years. They are staying just 2 days, 1 with us, and one with our parents in a different town.
Knowing that I receintly did an NVQ in body massage and am now doing aromatherapy, she has asked if I can give her a massage while she's here. And also her husband, as he has a stiff neck (no sniggers please.)
I just think this is really inappropriate, they will be our house guests, we'll take them out for a meal, and have organised for him to go to a football match, with hospitality. A free massage (potentially for both of them) makes me feel a bit "used".
So to use the phrase - AIBU?
What do you think

thanks

OP posts:
Mutt · 07/02/2010 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StephysFamous · 07/02/2010 21:28

YABU
In my opinion anyway, it's something they should teach you in courses such as hair and beauty. I'm a hairdresser and family just expect freebies, it's what you do.
Think of it as practice.

Paolosgirl · 07/02/2010 21:29

Why on earth wouldn't you? Surely you're not planning to charge your family and close friends?

YABU

KurriKurri · 07/02/2010 21:29

I'm not sure, its obviously making you uncomfortable. I personally wouldn't have a problem doing something I normally get paid for as a favour for family, and would happily do it for my DSis, (not sure about Bil, I might feel a bit uncomfortable with that).

BrahmsThirdRacket · 07/02/2010 21:30

YABU sorry... I suppose some people might think it a little forward to ask, but most people like showing off new skills - they probably thought you would be happy to do it, and weren't taking the piss

DorotheaPlenticlew · 07/02/2010 21:33

Depends how comfortable you are with your sister generally (am thinking that if you haven't seen her in 7 years it may not be the average sisterly relationship, if there is such a thing), and also, how long/what type of a massage they want. 10 minutes each through clothing, great -- 45 mins each naked & oiled up on your massage table, perhaps not ...

gingernutlover · 07/02/2010 21:34

sounds like you are going to be quite busy whilst they are with you to be honest and if they are both expecting full massages then you wont have the time will you? .

I can see your point about feeling a bit used too, so only agree to what you are happy with eg a quick shoulder and neck massage each.

and why shouldnt someone charge their family or friends for a service they provide. If your friend was acleaner would you expect them to pop round for a coffee and hoover the living room at the same time for practice?

Paolosgirl · 07/02/2010 21:38

Because families help each other out? If she hasn't seen her in 7 years it's hardly as if she's going to take the mickey, is it? It's one massage! I wouldn't expect to provide this service regularly for family and close friends, but on the odd occasion, of course. Why not?

Pineapplechunks · 07/02/2010 21:38

I'm a massage therapist too and freebies for friends and family are expected. It might grate a bit sometimes but it's what happens and not just with this profession- mechanics, accountants, Dr's, to name a few, all friends and family want free advice or quick jobs doing gratis.

YABU to not give them both at least a quick shoulder rub.

Paolosgirl · 07/02/2010 21:40

Agree Pineapple. DH is a tax accountant He has provided lots of our friends with free advice and does tax returns etc for his mum and sister. Wouldn't dream of holding out his hand for money, and goodness knows it wouldn't go amiss.

Feelingforty · 07/02/2010 21:41

YABVU - my sister in law is also doing a massage course & was very pleased to 'practise' on me (it was fab!)

Don't be so mean !

StephysFamous · 07/02/2010 21:47

Wouldn't dream of holding out his hand for money, and goodness knows it wouldn't go amiss.

If I asked my mum or sister for cash every time I do their hair I would get slapped silly.

Original poster
amigababy · 07/02/2010 21:47

I would never charge her for it, I probably unwisely used the word free - as a student I haven't charged anyone yet. I guess I envisaged sisterly chats and shopping/coffee for an afternoon, catching up on family matters.

OP posts:
StephysFamous · 07/02/2010 21:50

It's amazing what people will tell you when they are on a massage table

sunshiney · 07/02/2010 21:56

Eh? Can't believe this is what you call a dilemma.

But thanks for the laugh!

Original poster
amigababy · 07/02/2010 21:59

and thanks for the belittling, sunshiney. I've been worried about this for weeks. Glad to have been amusing for you

OP posts:
Mutt · 07/02/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SixtyFootDoll · 07/02/2010 22:03

YABU
THey are family, cant you do them a favour.
If i had a sister that could give me a lovley aromatherapy massage I would be thriled.

Why are you so worried about it? I dont get it.
IF you want to do this for a living I think you need to relax about it.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 08/02/2010 08:13

OP, if it makes you a bit uncomfortable for some reason (reading between the lines I think maybe there is more background here than you've really spelled out), then you should probably just try to minimise it. Can you just make it a short shoulder rub as another poster said, so that you have done something but not a full-on massage? Surely that would only take half an hour for both of 'em?

QuintessentialSnowStorm · 08/02/2010 08:19

oh, dh has sorted out so many computers in the last few years, for friends and family, we would never dream of asking for money.

You know, do somebody a favour, and they will do you one, in the future some point.

Dh helped a friend of my father with his computer troubles, this man came with a lorry to help us move, as thanks!
Dh helped my cousin with her computer, a few days later she rang the doorbell with a cd for my oldest son - really it was a teaching resource, and not to be given to the children, but my son loves mathematics, and now he can work on it at home, he was so happy he started sobbing when she gave it to him.

Yabu.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 08/02/2010 08:22

I honestly don't think the OP was meaning to say that the money was the issue -- I know it wasn't very clear but I think it's less clear-cut than that ...

EcoMouse · 08/02/2010 08:37

You're developing a skill that others will desire. I think you need to decide your boundaries to save future angst.
Do you have a problem with assertiveness? If you really want to say 'no' just do, you have your reasons.
I think it's reasonable of your DSis to ask, equally, it's your right to say no, if for whatever reason you don't want to massage them.

Laquitar · 08/02/2010 08:38

A friend of mine did this course and she was begging us to give us massage because she wanted to practice. She was using us!

gingernutlover · 08/02/2010 08:45

having reread your OP I can see this is more about a bigger picture.

your sister and BIL are coming to stay, in your house, you will be buying them dinner, you are paying (I assume) for him to go to a football match ...

and they want a massage too?

Say, no sorry I wont have time, as I want to relax myself. The visit isnt just about them getting lots of lovely things to do is it? Its about you spending time with your sister too?

PuppyMonkey · 08/02/2010 08:45

Why would you feel used for doing them a massage? EH??? Do you feel used for putting them up in your house, taking them out for meals and taking them to footie? No! It's just a nice, sisterly thing to do. Get a grip. Sorry, i love saying get a grip on MN.

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