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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party Rage!!!

92 replies

dreamylady · 07/02/2010 17:23

AIBU to think that parents who turn up to birthday parties (say 4 / 5 yr olds and under) and say 'is it ok if I leave my child for a bit (usually meaning, until pick up time)?' are really rude?

I think its kind of a shame for their kids (there's always one that has a trauma and wants their mum/dad, tho' to be fair they can usually be comforted by another grown up), its also unreasonable to expect the other parents who are staying to look after their kids for them, and also it's just really unfriendly.

What's wrong with staying around and talking to some other grown ups for a couple of hours while you keep an eye on each others kids all together?

Fair enough if you know the parent hosting the party and you ask in advance, and there's something else you need to do, but I always see harassed hosts with lists of mobile numbers they've just been given on the day.

Bet it's more common here in the UK than in other countries too. Does it happen everywhere? What age is it reasonable to start expecting this do people think?

OP posts:
cornsilk · 07/02/2010 17:25

In my experience people start to leave their kids at parties at 4/5. You need to chill out a bit.

thelunar66 · 07/02/2010 17:26

Nobody ever stayed around for my kids parties. Ever.

Am talking early 1990s here, so nobody left me a mobile phone number either.

BitOfFun · 07/02/2010 17:31

I'd far prefer the parents to bugger off, tbh. Why is that a problem?

gingernutlover · 07/02/2010 17:32

i think if they are at school then they are probably at an age where they are happy to be left with their friends.

but YANBU to want a bit of warning about them not staying.

lilackaty · 07/02/2010 17:32

Yes, YABU. unless the child is crying and asking them not to leave. And I think 3 nad under may be a bit young to leave in some circumstances.

gingernutlover · 07/02/2010 17:32

and agree I would rather not have an audience either, although a couple of extra pairs of hands would be useful.

TeaOneSugar · 07/02/2010 17:33

It's fairly standard, certainly from 5 anyway.

Personally I stay and my dd is 6, I'm happy to sit and have a coffee and a chat.

borderslass · 07/02/2010 17:34

I never expected parents to stay for dd1's party's and that was also when there was no mobile phones

LadyPeterWimsey · 07/02/2010 17:35

I'd never expect parents to stay unless I had specifically asked them to. If they say 'Do you mind if I stay for a bit?' then that's ok, although annoying, but at 4 or 5 I'd expect parents to leave their kids unless they had told me beforehand.

ruddynorah · 07/02/2010 17:36

from age 5 parties they don't stay. i don't even remember parents staying at my own parties and that was mid 80s to mid 90s.

bruffin · 07/02/2010 17:36

I only ever had one 5 year old who wanted their parent after they had gone and that was because he started feeling unwell. I would never expect a parent to stay.

wonderingwondering · 07/02/2010 17:36

Depends where it is - in a public area, like a soft play centre, I'd expect the parents to stay, and I wouldn't want the responsibility. In a hall or at home, I wouldn't mind either way at that age.

Some 5 year olds are shy and need their parents there, others just mix in. And if they get upset, it's only the same as when they are at school - someone will give them a cuddle and they'll be OK.

supersalstrawberry · 07/02/2010 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GettinTrimmer · 07/02/2010 17:39

Dd had hers in a soft play area last week, some stayed, some didn't, it was her 5th.

I don't see it as rude or unfriendly if parents don't stay, a lot of the time it's not possible because they have other children to look after who aren't invited.

SeaTrek · 07/02/2010 17:39

YABU

Under four, yes though!

In reception I did stay with my son (who was only just 4 at the start and not especially confident) for all the parties. I do agree 4/5 is a bit of a grey area though - very much depends on the child.

Now he is 5.5 and attending 6th birthday parties it is almost never, and the other mums/Dads are the same. The exception being if it takes a long time to get to the venue/ if I am concerned that I don't think my son will settle for whatever reason/it is a public venue.

One mum turned up 10 mins early to my son's 5th party and left him crying and I was a bit about that!

However, if the invite explicitly says that they want you to stay, then of course I would.

Astrid28 · 07/02/2010 17:42

I agree with bitoffun, I prefer less parents. Also I find that the shy children actually join in more when their parents aren't around and enjoy themselves more.

Nothing worse than worried parents at the edges of the room making little timmy say please thankyou every 2 seconds to every child he encounters - much prefer relaxed mayhem fun!

probono · 07/02/2010 17:43

Wouldn't expect parents to stay at all. Wouldn't let them through the door if possible.

Original poster
dreamylady · 07/02/2010 17:44

I think I can see where people are coming from if the party is in their own home - nearly all I've been to recently have been in a church hall or sports hall and involved play equipment, bouncy castles etc, so maybe that's why I'm more about it.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/02/2010 17:45

Plenty of threads on here about how annoying people find it when parents won't leave their kids at age 5.
Surely by 5 they are used to being at school all day, so 2 hours of party fun won't kill them! So what if they want their mum, as host mum can't you just give the child a cuddle and some cake? Are parents supposed to be on hand at all times in case their kids get upset? Or are children supposed to learn to manage without them some of the time?

I'd see a party for 5yos as the chance to have a wee break from the DC/s. And when I host one for 5yos+ I'll invite as many as I can handle and expect the parents to take advantage of the break too.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 07/02/2010 17:46

I wouldn't leave my 4 year old and have only left my 8 year old once as he wanted to be left. My 6 year old said she wanted to be left and then changed her mind so I stayed. Whatever they want is fine with me.

I think it can be a bit much for the host to watch an extra child if the child is upset. JMO.

MmeBlueberry · 07/02/2010 17:47

I would say that a party for a 1/2 year old, parents stay.

For 3 year olds, it is iffy, although assumed that parents will drop and run.

For 4+, parents leave, unless you are specifically giving a party for parents too (with booze and adult nibbles).

I think one of the distinctions is that with 1 and 2 year olds, the children are basically children of your friends. From three, they can be children of strangers.

Parties are such a minefield.

KwanYin · 07/02/2010 17:51

From 4/5 onwards I expected the children to be left, and organised enough people helping at the party for the parents to be able to do that.

MmeBlueberry · 07/02/2010 17:53

I think if I were about to drop a child off at SSS's party, I would do an about turn and leave with my child.

BigWeeHag · 07/02/2010 18:00

My 6 year old would be mortified if I stayed, bless her tiny little prematurely-teenage self. I have been leaving her since the 4th birthday parties, she has always been fine.

Astrid28 · 07/02/2010 18:01

I usually say to parents that they can choose what they want to do and leave it at that. For 2 hours once a year I'm happy to deal with an army of kiddies.

We did have one party where we had a tour of a farm so I said on the invites that could parents stay for the tour.....it all depends on what kind of party it is and where. Best thing is to give them the choice I think so everyone is comfortable.