Party Rage!!!

[dreamylady]

AIBU to think that parents who turn up to birthday parties (say 4 / 5 yr olds and under) and say 'is it ok if I leave my child for a bit (usually meaning, until pick up time)?' are really rude?

I think its kind of a shame for their kids (there's always one that has a trauma and wants their mum/dad, tho' to be fair they can usually be comforted by another grown up), its also unreasonable to expect the other parents who are staying to look after their kids for them, and also it's just really unfriendly.

What's wrong with staying around and talking to some other grown ups for a couple of hours while you keep an eye on each others kids all together?

Fair enough if you know the parent hosting the party and you ask in advance, and there's something else you need to do, but I always see harassed hosts with lists of mobile numbers they've just been given on the day.

Bet it's more common here in the UK than in other countries too. Does it happen everywhere? What age is it reasonable to start expecting this do people think?

She would be very happy - prefer it I think!

Until my DS1 went to school all the parties we'd been too were for siblings and parents and a good excuse for a family natter.

He is one of the oldest in the class and I was quite taken aback when parents just popped in and left their barely four year olds with a woman they barely knew. I was even more taken aback when I saw the kids were all fine with it! Before the year was out he didn't even expect me to stay for five minutes.

So when he was six I made sure in advance I had some other parents to help out.

My three year old would be perfectly happy to be left at most of the parties he goes to but I'm hanging in for some grown-up gossip while I'm still allowed .

Most parties here are soft play and apart from the odd same parents everyone stays. Most are 7 this time and nothing seems to have changed. However, I do think the host would have a lot on to watch all the children scattered around so think parents prefer to stay and watch their own children.

People still stick around at parties - mostly - with the five year olds. I don't mind at all as I like catching up with people cause I'm back at work full time. But it means we have to cater for them as well - it becomes a huge huge do. Also, there are so many parties in my experience, I think it's unreasonable to expect parents to stay at all of them. Especially whn you have one or more children who have other things on or need to nap, etc...or have to worry about parents moaning about bringing siblings!! Seriously, we can't win here.

It shocked the hell out of me when 6 parents left their 3 yo with me. Thankfully I still had plenty of adults, but my ds is nearly 6 and I still wouldn't take it as given to leave him.
It's funny, but when I asked around about this my baby friends wouldn't leave their kids, but the parents I know through school think there's no problem! That could be because the baby friends of mine all had pfb, but the school friends had multiple bubs

YANBU. Winds me up no end and I'm usually one of the mugs who stays to take THEIR kids to the toilet, wipe their snotty noses and dry their tears when they get knocked off the slide. Not to mention making sure they get fed, clearing up the juice that they spill and refereeing when they look at Johnny from reception the wrong way. Oh - and respond to the panic when the harassed host realises that 2 kids have disappeared out the door

4/5 way to young to be left unless it's in someones house. Leaving a 4 year old in a viallge hall or softplay is madness IMO.

on the whole subject, TBH.

IME with DS (now 7) parents did tend to hang around at parties here, but I think that is largely because it is such a rural area that by the time you have gone home it is practically time to turn around and come back. Now the DC are 7-8 more are being left, and more are coming in groups (so 1 parent brings 3-4 DC, IYSWIM) which does at least mean less parents to feed. TBH, as a party-goer I tend to take the chance to chat with people I haven't seen for a while (WOHM so I don't often do school run) and am happy to help if needed/wanted - as a party host I don't care, but if parents do stay they had better not object to me telling their children off if needed .

Not many people seem to have parties at home, but yes, I would be more inclined to leave a younger child there than at a hall/other venue. DD is only 3 so no way I am leaving her yet.

we are having joint party in soft play centre and no way would 20 parents be able to stay in there as well as children its just not big enough im going to ask parents to drop children off but to provide us with contact details etc just in case but at 4-5 which they will be there all used to play dates without mum for 4 hrs or so so 2 hrs at a party will be no different

i stay with ds simply because i want to other people have other children to see to i have just 1 so doesn't affect me to stay

I like children's parties where the party is not too massive, and parents are invited to stay and are provided with their own nibbles and ideally, wine, or at least tea. They can chat, and help if necessary. From 4/5 I would understand if some parents expected to leave their DC, but it's best if at least some stay. It's a good idea to ask particular friends in advance if they can be around to help.

This is the kind of party we've had so far, and as DS gets older I'm hoping we can switch to a few mates for a cinema trip or similar and pizza out or some such. Can't stand the massive party in a venue with 20 or 30 kids haring around option, urgh - they always end up fighting and crying.

Stayed with DS till started school then started gradual withdraw. He is happy with this and i always told him in advance what I was planning and the 1 time he wasn't OK I stayed.

Once when I left him found him on my retun with a fat lip sitting next to a boy with a bumped head (they had bumped each other!) bith where fine talking to a Grandma who was helping out!!

I just think it's a bit dodgy to not expect parents to stay in softplay places. Bubbagirl - will the doors be locked then and no joe public there? Is that why there is no room for parents? Most places have parents sitting drinking coffee and reading the paper

Ahhh yest Sunny. It would be great to have you round again.

I held a party for my dd 5th birthday in december, we had around 25 kids...ALL the parents, plus partners stayed, bar 1 stayed, it was carnage...most of the parents forgot what food their child had ordered, I felt like a school teacher, yelling out names , im shy at the best of times, the parents were so unhelpful and vague... i would have been happier if they all stayed home...it was soooo stressfull, I found they just got in the way.....I always drop my daughter off, I styed at 1 party, and I didnt see the whole time, she was having far too much fun to notice if I was there or not.

I think it depends on the type of party - soft play, swimming or maybe even a bouncy castle in a hall - then I think parents should stay if possible. Anything physical, where there can be accidents, I don't think it's fair to give someone else the responsibilty of ensuring your childs safety.

I have been a children party entertainer for a very long time and entertain at lots of parties every month. Age 4 some mums stay, some go. Age 5 most mums go, age 6 only the clingiest mums stay!

At these sort of parties, the children are entertained so the host mum can do any toilet runs etc. Mums who stay and chat noisily distract the children from the entertainment. Most children join in better if mum is not around. Some mums have a paper and pen at the door so mobile numbers can be left.

Most mums I do parties for would prefer the mums to drop and go - some even put it on the invites - one even told the mums I had a 'no parent policy' which I don't!

Some mums choose to stay, bring siblings who run riot and even chat loudly though singing Happy Birthday! Very Rude!

I remember a host practically shoving me out of the door at one of the first birthday parties J was invited to (before he became untouchable and before he was diagnosed with autism and ADHD). He was only 4 and totally wild and I kept trying to explain that he really needed me there and they kept saying 'we've got 4 kids...we know what they're like...he'll be fine once you've gone'...

I have never seen 2 more exhausted people. When I got back at the end of the that party, confused not to have had a phone call, they still had the kindness to smile and just mutter quietly about how he seemed to like opening and closing doors a lot.

Never got invited back though!

I like to stay, but some parents think they know best.

cat64 I think I probably didn't get my point across about the safety issue for 'active' parties. I think I would have felt very guilty if my children had hurt themselves at a party and I wasn't there (but then again, we have to leave them at school but I think that's different).

Simply, I believe if the child is happy to be left then they should be. Obviously if a child has special needs then the parent should stay.

Or just plain naughty! Only once, at pick up time, did I suggest to a mum that her 3 year old daughter(!) wasn't ready ready to be left yet. I dressed it up as a safety issue....rather than saying she was a pain in the a**e. All I can say is that my very polite suggestion didn't go down to well!