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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never want to leave my baby?

84 replies

eggontoast · 07/02/2010 09:43

DD9wks. Second child. I just do not want to go anywhere without her. The thread that joins us wont stretch far enough yet.

I bf and do not want to leave her with bottles. I just don't want to risk her crying for me.

DH does not mind, but I have had some comments from others, that I am being unreasonable.

All too soon, she will be running away from my cuddles like my DS 3.4. I don't think it is wrong to totally devote my time to her through her first year or two?

This is what my instinct is telling me to do.
Am I alone in feeling like this?

ie. missed christmas do, take her with me to a meal for someones leaving do, miss sil hen do which is overnight in Sheffield etc.

OP posts:
activate · 07/02/2010 09:46

She's 9 weeks old give yourself a break of course you're not mad

There will of course come a time, but it's up to you decide when

HellBent · 07/02/2010 09:46

She is still very small! You may feel differently in a month or so. I didn't go out with first DC until he was about 16weeks and only managed an hour at dinner and went home!

TrinityIsFuckingTrying · 07/02/2010 09:47

it's how I have always felt and how I have always done it

you're dh is supporting how you feel so you can relax and go with it

LadyintheRadiator · 07/02/2010 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate · 07/02/2010 09:47

Not going out at all is different - there's no reason to be stuck at home of course

Goblinchild · 07/02/2010 09:48

If your baby was 9 years old, then I might be a bit worried, but nine weeks? Sounds normal to me. Just keep an eye on how much time you are spending with your DS and DH, with and without your daughter. make sure as a family unit, you keep the balance right.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 07/02/2010 09:50

YANBU

You are going with your instincts and doing what is best for you and your baby - how can that be wrong?

If people are happy to leave their young babies then that is up to them, but if it's not for you then don't do it.

I could never leave them either. When ds2 was about 8wo dh took him out so I could have a rest. 3 hours later I was nearly calling the police wondering where they were - I was like a crazy woman!

MrsKitty · 07/02/2010 09:50

YANBU. Nothing to do with anyone else.

Original poster
eggontoast · 07/02/2010 09:53

goblinchild - this is a good point; I work very hard at the balance, and given how happy everyone is, I assume I am getting it right!?

Thanks everyone, for thinking it is nu, I thought as much. It's just so annoying how other people, not like you, see things and impose their views!

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 07/02/2010 09:54

9 weeks is tiny. Mine is 8 weeks I have no intention of leaving him with someone else. I don't listen to his gps suggestions that I leave him.

Although my parents have the best intentions of course, to give me a break, but it's not necessary for me. Although I have been out with him to lunches and social things if I feel up to it (depends what they are like).

brimfull · 07/02/2010 09:56

yanbu -it's normal and natural to fell the way you do.Follow your maternal instinct.

Original poster
eggontoast · 07/02/2010 09:58

I get the impression, that most people think that it is necessary to leave your baby to get time to yourself to relax.

Its the opposite for me, I could never relax if she was not within earshot! She is such a lovely baby, I never need a break.

OP posts:
Ziggurat · 07/02/2010 09:58

Go with what feels right.

We don't have any grandparents in the country, and aside from one late afternoon lunch with a friend when DS was about 8 months old (left with DH), I've only left him a couple of times in the evening after he's gone to bed, when we have had grandparents to baby sit.

He's just turned one. I don't think there's anything wrong with focusing on your little ones in their first year.

StellaLovesPotato · 07/02/2010 10:02

YANBU at all! IMO you should listen to your instincts. Don't be bu;;ied into feeling crap about this.

Irons · 07/02/2010 10:15

My dd is 7 months and I still find it hard to leave her. I won't leave her overnight, not even with my mom who is like her second mother and I find it hard to even let dh take her out for a walk in the pushchair. I've just made the decision to go back to work when she is 11 months, but only part-time and I'm going to find that very difficult because she will have to go to nursery.

YANBU - enjoy the cuddles because as you know they grow up so fast

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/02/2010 10:25

You don't leave her with DH at all? Personally I think it is probably good for dads to have a little bit of time in charge. I never left DS for more than an hour or two at that age and not often but for example when I was getting my hair done, or going to the dentist, I would leave him.
But I always took him with for meeting friends for coffee or whatever. Had 3 nights out in the first 3 months which was plenty. I think it's easy to get addicted to babies as they are so lovely but there will come a time when you are ready for some space.

piscesmoon · 07/02/2010 10:28

I think it is fairly normal while she is so small. However I do think you should let DH have her on his own-think how you would feel if you never got a look in without him hovering-he is an equal parent.(you don't have to go out to do this-just go in another room and do your own thing).

CatIsSleepy · 07/02/2010 10:30

tbh at this age if dh took dd2 out so I could 'relax' or catch up on sleep I found myself completely unable to do so! and if he stayed out longer than he had said he was going to (which was inevitable) I got utterly stressed out so it was utterly counter-productive.
YANBU, she is still so little.
have realised second time around that their time as a baby is sooo short, you have to make the most of it

CatIsSleepy · 07/02/2010 10:30

woah! too many utterlys in that post

heQet · 07/02/2010 10:30

nah, you're not unreasonable.

It'll wear off soon enough.

thirdname · 07/02/2010 10:31

well, not leaving a child for even a few hours till he/she is 2 years is a bit pathetic (IMHO)

itchyandscratchy · 07/02/2010 10:32

I wonder if you think she might be your 'last' child? After having dd2 and 2 hideous pregnancies we made our minds up that she was our last.

and it did make a difference to the way I thought and felt about her. She's 4 now and I still have the thought that she has been a precious gift (sorry if that's a bit sicky!)

But dh and I felt the same and it's a good point about letting dh and dd1 into the love and the bond you have.

bratnav · 07/02/2010 10:38

YANBU. DH and I had tickets for a gig 80 miles away when DS was 11 weeks old. We got 10 miles from PILs house who were looking after him when I burst into tears, I just wasn't able to go that far away from him. Luckily DH was totally brilliant and suggested that we just went for a pub meal in his parent's village, giving up his very expensive and incredibly hard to come by tickets.

As time goes on you will probably feel more comfortable leaving her, but don't push yourself, as others have said, go with your instinct, they are only tiny for a very short period of time. DS is 5 months now and it is terrifying how quickly the time has gone.

LittleWhiteWolf · 07/02/2010 11:01

I left DD for the first time at 3 weeks old. Hated it. Only did it because my mum was recovering from a lung transplant and I felt I needed to see (had been banned from going up there from 38wks as the hospital was an hour from home)
Its entirely up to you when you leave her. Perhaps some of the people making comments feel like as its your second baby you'll be more mercenary about getting time back for yourself, but thats stupid. Shes still your teeny baby and you should only leave her when you feel comfortable.

l39 · 07/02/2010 11:01

YANBU.

I was the same, from my oldest DD1 right through to baby DD5! Don't force yourself to part with her, it will come naturally with time. One of the best things about breastfeeding is the excuse not to leave your baby with someone else.