Hugh Fearnley blardy whitteringon with himself in the Guardian

[nigelslaterfan]

AIBU to be irritated by HFW in the Guardian mag taking 10 people on a freebie skiing holiday in a gorgeous Alp chalet somewhere and making a cake and a blardy fondue and presumably claiming the whole bloody lot.

I mean nice work but bugger off Hugh and your free holidays!!!! Can't he afford to just pay to take his family on holiday?

Bitter'n'twisted

Oh goody! A bashingslebchef's thread again!

Don't you imagine that a lot of spit gets into Jools/Daisyboobypoppybeehoney's dinners with all that tongue stuff going on with Jamie?

And I'm sorry, Nigelslaterfan, but I also imagine a lot of dead skin cells end up in Nigel's dinners. Has the man never heard of microdermal abrasion? Makes Gordon's skin look positively Estee Lauderesque.

...sorry expat, I see you already have a plank of wood

as you were

and Bucharest I bet Jennifer don't know what cheese is

She doesn't. She takes the middle out of bagels and eats the hard bit. And sniffs Mars bars and then throws them away, without licking.

I read that in an interview I did.

She sniffs mars bars??

They don't smell of anything do they?

She sniffs mars bars???????

What a waste of sugar.

Interesting. I once read that her favourite snack (ahem) was a mayonnaise sandwich, till the tv company re-educated (ahem ahem- prob involving electric shocks) her.

Mayonnaise sandwiches!!!

the poor love

Bet it was fat free sugar free egg free mayonnaise free mayonnaise on bread free bread.

...and meanwhile Hugh is sitting in the corner with his hedgehog casserole and squirrel jelly.....

This made me laugh

did you read that in the National Enquirer perchance?

I would happily set about Gordon (smug shirt removing Narcissist) and Jamie (sort your tongue out) and Delia (oh please)

but what about

WILLIE HARCOURT-COOZE and his abominably smug wife?
What about roasting a hog buried in the front lawn of your gorgeous Devon farmhouse? Come Back Fearnley all is forgiven!

Oh, I abhor that Willie Wanker fella. You just know he got TV shows because of whom he knows.

He's soooo poncey.

Nigel Slater I really can't abide, either.

Complaining about his small garden. SMACK.

Puhleeze. Try no garden, you twat!

Actually, I have to defend Nigel but for his recipes rather than his tv prowess, he's not great on the telly.
And can be a bit of a moaner I agree.
But his cook book (real fast food) was my first proper cook book which I learned to cook from so I have a soft spot.

But willie 'cacao' cooze -harcoort - can't can't can't bear him

That Willie chap is just creeeeeeepy...specially that Christmas special (ahem) where- as if by magic!- it starts to snow.

aaaaah sweet

...till you notice all the trees are in leaf so they obviously filmed it in August

tsk

and all the 'friends' and their designer children and everyone of all ages in Boaden top to toe and Mrs Willie Hargooley flooze in the kitchen making xmas tree decorations to hand out beribboned to the visiting worshippers barf barf barf barf.

"oh darling look! oiks are looking at us!"

How the hell is poor Jamie supposed to sort out his tongue then, eh? No such thing as tongue transplants yet afaik. Even if he goes private.

Oooh I won't hear a word against Nigel Slater. His recipes just work for me. I mean they actually taste good when I make them. He has given me back my confidence in the kitchen. He is my guru.

I also quite fancy him but I fear I am not his flavour.

'How the hell is poor Jamie supposed to sort out his tongue then, eh?'

I'll sort it for him, BG! With a plank of wood.

Awww, you lot are so mean about Hugh! He does a bloody good ice-cream recipe so can't be all that bad.

But I can't believe nobody's yet mentioned The Wicked Witch of Culinary Smug

No, I didn't recognise her from that shot either. I'll try again

She smarms the lot of them to the number one Smug Spot before smothering them with a pot of well-simmered self-satisfaction.

She looks like Clio Roccos in that shot.

She looks like Clio Roccos in that shot.

And her recipes never turn out great for me,

Poor, poor Jamie

don't have any skis, my husband has no holiday planned. However I can melt cheese.

Just about adequately

aw, diddums.

nigella's recipes don't turn out for me, either.

nigel is just too poncey. i can't abide him.

i have used delia's how to cheat recipes.

but mostly i stick to good housekeeping, BBC and other online sources.