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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 6 year old go on this sleepover

103 replies

mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 20:40

my 6 year old (Y2) came home from school today with a party invitation to go swimming them McDonalds and a sleepover at the childs dads. I know who the child is, dont know either of his parents, they havent been for tea or anything.

Im quite shocked that they think I will let my 6 year old go off for the afternoon and night with someone they and I dont know, dads house is about 15 miles away.

Hes not going but just wondered if others would feel the same ?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/02/2010 20:42

yanbu

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/02/2010 20:43

YANBU - that is a crazy plan for a 6 year old's party.

TeaOneSugar · 02/02/2010 20:45

My 6 yr old wouldn't be going.

woowa · 02/02/2010 20:45

madness - YAdefinitelyNBU

valleyqueen · 02/02/2010 20:46

Not really sure if you are bu as we did not get the first sleepover invite until dd was about 8 or 9. Is there any chance you can ask to meet dad before hand for coffee just so you can get to know them? It also depend on the child mine would not have wanted to go some 6 year olds are fine.

SoupDragon · 02/02/2010 20:46

What do you think is going to happen to them?

brimfull · 02/02/2010 20:46

yanbu

weird

curryfreak · 02/02/2010 20:49

Yanbu

Fruitysunshine · 02/02/2010 20:52

If you knew them would it still be an issue? If not then get to know them beforehand.

I did not have a sleepover request for any of my 6yr olds (as they were at the time).

BitOfFun · 02/02/2010 20:52

I wouldn't have a problem with it tbh, but I am pretty lax. It's a bit young though- you may end up getting a call to pick up if your child isn't used to being away.

Fruitysunshine · 02/02/2010 20:52

Are you allowing him to go to the swimming and food part?

Bellasformerfriend · 02/02/2010 20:52

Surprisingly I agree, YANBU. My dc have all been very independant, more than most, and I would fully expect them to find that much excitement plus a full night away from home far too much to cope with at 6yo!

zanz1bar · 02/02/2010 20:55

Is it the childs age that worries you, or is it the fact you haven't got to know the parents?

I presume that only a few children have been invited to the sleepover, not the whole class.
So I then suggest that your child is a much wanted guest and chosen by the birthday child specially.

Maybe you need to step back a bit from the soap box and consider how you could compromise if you think your Dc is too young for a sleepover.

More sleepovers will come your way in the next 12 months, my own Dd (age 6yrs August baby , youngest in year 2) has 2 invites for february. one set of parents I know well, the others not so well but its up to me to do something rather than put my hands up in horror and say no.

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 20:55

Its this Saturday so not much chance to meet up before hand

What do I think will happen ? Well thats the point I have no idea if dad is a responsible parent or not,will he look after them properly at swimming,make them wear seatbelts in the car, is his house safe...?I have no idea!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/02/2010 20:55

Gosh get a gip, you lot are sounding like the dad is taking them them bungee jumping, and paragliding! Swimming and Macds nothing wrong with that at all, see if he has anyone helping in the pool. I would not feel happy about my 6 year old sleeping over though.

ChippingIn · 02/02/2010 20:56

YABU - it's a party invite with a sleep over, if you are going to have to become personal friends of long standing before you allow this, your child is going to miss out on a lot. If you feel comfortable leaving your child with someone you have met for tea once or twice then, meet them, but it's a false sense of security. Mind you, most children are abused by people known to them (relatives), so I think you are being unreasonable anyway. If mt child was happy to go ans especially if other children are going also, I would let them. I would also be happy to go & collect them in the evening if they wanted me to.

ggirl - why is it weird?

MrsC2010 · 02/02/2010 20:57

Perhaps just let them go swimming and MaccyDs of you're not sure about the sleepover? It would be a good compromise.

zanz1bar · 02/02/2010 20:58

Call the father and put some of your concerns to him, maybe you could offer to help with the swimming, and suggest a full sleepover is too much for your Dc.

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 20:58

Crossed posts, no Im not letting him go on any of it, will tell him we have something special planned (will think of something !) I have no problems with a sleepover with someone whose parents I know and trust.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/02/2010 21:00

You could call the dad ask about who else might help with the swimming bit as you do need an adequate child to adult ratio (I think). Relax fgs, if your that unhappy let this one go for now, I expect that there will be plenty of other invites later on.

MrsRigby · 02/02/2010 21:00

YANBU

I would not allow a 6 year old to stay with someone I didn't know.

Shocked and appalled that they would even ask.

SoupDragon · 02/02/2010 21:05

I do think some of you are a little OTT with your reactions, TBH.

scaryhairycat · 02/02/2010 21:07

YANBU - I'm pretty laid back about most things - but sleep overs are a no-no in our house, unless it's close family/friends and for practical reasons. Totally unnecessary - what's wrong with going home at the end of the day?

My parents didn't let me until I was about 16 a bit extreme there though!

MrsC2010 · 02/02/2010 21:07

I think it wa sa little unthinking, but it is sad to think we might not have reacted this way if it was a single mum offering a sleepover...as against a father? I know it is instinct, but still sad in a way. I know this is more about letting them sleepover full stop, but I suspect it makes it seem wierder that it is the dad's house. Perhaps they're not experienced in party etiquette, and thought it rude to single out the closer friends for the extended party, if you see what I mean?

zanz1bar · 02/02/2010 21:09

Sorry if I am making huge assumptions, but is this a single father and maybe its his weekend and he wants to do something special for his Dc.
But maybe he is also being a little insensitive to the acceptable expectations for his Dc friends age group.

He really doesn't sound like a horrible monster who is intention is putting your Dc at risk.
Maybe a little unrealistic but not a weirdo.

I really think it is up to you to call and find a comfortable copmpromise for yourself and your son instead of outright refusing a polite invitation.