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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 6 year old go on this sleepover

103 replies

mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 20:40

my 6 year old (Y2) came home from school today with a party invitation to go swimming them McDonalds and a sleepover at the childs dads. I know who the child is, dont know either of his parents, they havent been for tea or anything.

Im quite shocked that they think I will let my 6 year old go off for the afternoon and night with someone they and I dont know, dads house is about 15 miles away.

Hes not going but just wondered if others would feel the same ?

OP posts:
littlemisschatalot · 02/02/2010 21:10

i wouldnt let my 6yr old go for a sleepover, even if it was someone we knew well. plenty of time for that in years to come. for now, i want him close.

pigletmania · 02/02/2010 21:11

Yes some of these reactions are way OTT some of your dcs will miss out on a lot of parties if this is the reaction. NOthing wrong for sleepovers for older children but not young children.

crankytwanky · 02/02/2010 21:11

I'd me more worried about the Mickey D's TBH!
DD would not have been worried at sleeping over though. Only a select few make a birthday sleepover list, so they must be pretty good friends, non?

Invite the birthday person over to play so you can meet the folks. Zanzibar's suggestion of helping with the swimming is a good one.

FourLittleDucks · 02/02/2010 21:12

YANBU
On two fronts - its far too much for a 6yr old to cope with - swimming and McDs maybe be okay, or just the sleepover, but not both !!!
But I wouldn't let my 6yr old go for a sleepover at someone's house we weren't familiar with - whether it was the mum or the dad -

Bellasformerfriend · 02/02/2010 21:15

MrsC, I can assure you my reaction would be the same with a single mum, single dad or a couple, the swimming and food is great but being away from home for that length of time including overnight is too much at that age, especially with a strange adult in a strange house - not an OTT reaction at all and I am certainly not implying that the dad is some kind of freak with plans for the small children!

TheFallenMadonna · 02/02/2010 21:15

Why aren't you letting him go to the swimming and McDonalds bits? Easy to make an excuse abotu teh sleepover. Feel a bit for the boy and his dad really.

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 21:15

To me sleepovers are for close friends, my 10 year old stays with a small circle of friends and I have no problem with that at all-I know the families, been to the houses, know the family set up etc.

Much different with someone you've never even met.

Im sure it was kindly meant but do feel it was inappropriate and if he had gone I would have been fretting all night.

OP posts:
fernie3 · 02/02/2010 21:16

YANBU my 5 year old and 3 year old have both been to stay at theirs friends house overnight and loved it BUT I knew the mother and had been to the house etc on a number of occasions.I would not let them go to a strangers house. I would let them go if they were a bit older (I dont know maybe 7 or 8 Im not there yet so its hard to tell!)

MrsC2010 · 02/02/2010 21:19

Oh I'm not attacking, and did specify that I knew this was more about the staying over full stop than anything else. But I would still think that swimming and food wasn't such a bad idea.

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 21:20

Thought it was just easier for everyone to say thank you but we are busy, maybe then he can invite someone else.

No they are not especially good friends as far as I know.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/02/2010 21:20

YABU for not allowing your poor ds to go to any of it my goodness!

TheFallenMadonna · 02/02/2010 21:24

Awkward to ask someone as a second string guest though - for the dad and the second string guest. Would you be uncomfortable if he went to the daytime bits?

zanz1bar · 02/02/2010 21:26

Sounds as if the other child regards your Dc as a close friend even if when asked your Ds says not really.
Its this childs birthday and he has chosen your ds and sent a polite invitation to a ffun packed day.

Your child may not feel disapointed if he misses out, but its not his birthday.

It sounds vrey much like a dad trying to do his best.

Compromise!

KwanYin · 02/02/2010 21:27

I'd be seeking him out at the school gates for a chat, and asking around about him. I wouldn't have a problem with the swimming and Macdonalds though, and would maybe offer to go along.

Is it a birthday party? Or is he just trying to organise something fun for his dd to do while she's with him?

Bellasformerfriend · 02/02/2010 21:32

MrsC, sorry my "I can assure you" was meant in a more I am certain of my response way than in an I've got all snotty and arsey kind of way - it does not read well though

Whippet · 02/02/2010 21:32

No, YANBU...

A child nearly drowned at an 'under-supervised' 7th birthday swimming party in the next town to ours - it was all over the papers.

I'd want to know more about the swimming - how many children/ what size pool/ how many adults.
TBH at 6 DS wasn't a great swimmer either, (and one of his 'friends' was a confident little brat who thought it was 'fun' to hold their heads under water ) so I tended to go to swimming parties with him.

And I certainly wouldn't send him off to stay with someone I didn't know. Whether it's a Dad or Mum is irrelevant - just wouldn't want my child finding themselves in a strange house, scared, with someone they didn't know.

But I hate sleepovers anyway - theya re the work of the devil, and massively over-rated IMHO

I would possibly have offered to come to 'help' at the swimming and then whisked him off home after the McD's bit though...

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 21:34

Yes its a birthday party,Ive already politely refused it was very short notice so felt justified in saying we were busy.I do feel hes just too young to go off with someone I dont know. Thanks for all of your comments though

OP posts:
MrsC2010 · 02/02/2010 21:35

Haha, no worries Bellasformerfriend, I just wanted to make sure no-one thought I'd jumped on the 'people think all men who are involved with kids are paedophiles' bandwagon!

pigletmania · 02/02/2010 21:39

Yes seek out the father and have a chat, offer to help with the swimming bit too that way your dc does not miss out.

zanz1bar · 02/02/2010 21:43

Oh well too late for this year. But maybe its time for a playdate with this child and a chance to get to know the mother and father.
Its so much easier to make those essential contacts with your older childrens friends.
I socialise a lot with my eldest childs peer group parents and would be hard pressed to know the names of more than 3 of my youngest childs peer group parents.

WhatNoLunchBreak · 02/02/2010 21:45

I don't know precisely why, but I'm feeling a little bit and sorry for the father who sent the invite. That there are so many people not prepared to trust him makes me sad for the age we live in, and the fears we have.

And there he might be thinking he was arranging a dream birthday for his son.

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 21:47

Yes I will invite him round and take it from there. I do feel guilty as like you say my older childs friends parents are my friends too now but havent really bonded with any of his friends parents. So he doesnt have nearly as many people round as she does, I must make more of an effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 21:51

Im sure he can ask someone else who has parents like the ones on this thread who think its fine

OP posts:
zazen · 02/02/2010 21:51

For me now the main objection is to go swimming.
Especially if there are a few going - I mean has this dad got eyes in the back of his head - is he getting help in the pool?

My Dd who is 5, can swim without armbands, but I've only let her swim with an instructor or me / DH, and GParents (with me on the side of the pool).

They can drown SO quickly. Easy peasy.

And would this dad have help in the change rooms for all the boys who are going - can your DS shampoo his hair himself? Dry himself? dress himself?

And macdonalds - is that supposed to be a treat!!!

I feel that sometimes dads can radically underestimate how much work goes into looking after and making a little person who is far away from home feel at home in a strange house.

IMO 6 is waaay too young to have a sleep over in a strange house, with, in effect, a stranger, after a day of potentially feeling very bereft - if he hasn't mastered his self care techniques yet, he may be getting more and more upset during the day.

To me it sounds potentially extremely miserable for your DS TBH - Good on him that the dad wants to 'treat' his own boy - I think he's being unrealistic about the swimming and the invitation for a sleepover after that is inappropriate.

I don't think you should 'compromise' as someone has posted. This isn't about making this dad's life easier!! This is about your 6 yo son's saftey and happiness.

I think you're right not to let him go at 6.
Plenty of time for all that when he's older.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2010 21:52

my yanbu was in no way connected with the fact that this was a man doing the invitation

I have only just registed that fact, tbh

I just think it is too much for a 6 yo, unless it is family, to have activies and a sleepover

I just don't get this modern obsession with sleepovers

you can have lots of fun, but then go home to familiar surroundings, which is very important for 6 yo's

he might think he wants to at that age, but parents know best, IMO