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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 6 year old go on this sleepover

103 replies

mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 20:40

my 6 year old (Y2) came home from school today with a party invitation to go swimming them McDonalds and a sleepover at the childs dads. I know who the child is, dont know either of his parents, they havent been for tea or anything.

Im quite shocked that they think I will let my 6 year old go off for the afternoon and night with someone they and I dont know, dads house is about 15 miles away.

Hes not going but just wondered if others would feel the same ?

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 02/02/2010 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Merle · 02/02/2010 21:54

My eldest is 10 and has two friends who have dads who are separated from their mums. The dads live locally but I've never met them. There is no way that I would let him stay over at either of their houses, even at the age he is now. To have my child sleepover at a stranger's house is not something I would feel comfortable with.

MadamDeathstare · 02/02/2010 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2010 21:59

however, I feel a bit sorry for this dad too

but only because he sounds completely clueless

bibbitybobbityhat · 02/02/2010 22:02

Yanbu. Not at all. Not an over-reaction in any shape or form. 6 is very young for a sleepover. You don't know the parents, presumably your dd/ds ? not sure? doesn't know the parents. I think s/he'd like the swimming and MacD's part - but then to stay overnight in a strangers house a long way away from you? Your child might change their mind and be really upset.

I also feel sort of sorry for the dad. But at the same time a little bit exasperated with him for not having the foresight to see that not many parents of 6 year olds would allow their dc to go off for all that time with people they have never met.

Blu · 02/02/2010 22:07

Mum2Two - I would definitly have let him go to the food and swimming bit. But I would want to know a little bit about the Dad before letting a 6 yo go on a sleepover. There are definitley dads I would not (and have not) let DS stay the night with, and you wouldn't know that from just knowing the child. In DS's class we have a dad who smokes dope til insensible when he has care of his child, a Mum who is kind, friendly, but has no idea of time, the children stay up til 1, 2am, she takes them on the night bus to the 24 hour supermarket 'to buy chocolate'...I would want to know a bit about the household, yes.

Bellasformerfriend · 02/02/2010 22:07

I feel sorry for the dad, as anyfucker says, because he seems to have no proper idea of hows whens etc

However, WhatNoLunchBreak I can't see
anywhere here that people are folding their arms under their ample bosum, sucking in air over their teeth and muttering out of the sides of their mouths "whohim, reeeally, wellll, I always thought he was a bit funny you know" whilst nodding sagely at neighbours over the garden fence. It is not a case of not trusting someone because he is a [hiss] man it is that he is a stranger offering more than is likely to work out well for the children!

junglist1 · 02/02/2010 22:10

My boys have had sleepovers at earlier ages than 6 but in my close friends houses, no way would I send my 6 year old swimming or to a sleepover with someone wattless enough to think I'd send them off with strangers

Coca · 02/02/2010 22:13

Knowing how my DH thinks this plan probably seemed genius to the Dad, swim to wear them out, food, bed. Done and dusted. Not sure about the sleepover part for a 6 yr old but swimming pools do tend to have lifeguards.

BitOfFun · 02/02/2010 22:19

"Im sure he can ask someone else who has parents like the ones on this thread who think its fine "

That sounds a bit of a sideswipe to me...

AnyFucker · 02/02/2010 22:20

organised swimming parties have strict rules re the ratio of adults/children, so that would not be an issue for me

has the dad asked for any parent helpers at the pool

when mine went to swimming parties, they were always desperate to make up the numbers of adults

secretgardin · 02/02/2010 22:21

yanbu - too young. i was walking home from school with ds[8] today and a girl behind us was telling her mum that ds is having a sleepover party for his birthday in september and he has invited almost everyone in his class - wish he told me

MadamDeathstare · 02/02/2010 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2010 22:27

an interesting neighbourhood you live in, madame

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 22:31

Bitof fun Sorry dont know what a sideswipe is ? Do you mean am I having a go ? No Im just saying maybe there are parents in his class who would think its ok as some on here think its ok, thats all
madame blimey hadnt thought he might be like that !

OP posts:
iloveruby · 02/02/2010 22:37

Gosh....this thread is making me so depressed...I don't understand why you can't just contact the dad and have a chat about the plans for the day instead of spending hours trying to justify your boycott on some internet chat site.

All the dad is trying to do is organise a nice day for his child.....horror! He wasn't aware of the social etiquette of inviting one over for tea beforehand. Ok, you would like to get to know them in advance - so do that then and get to know them.

Come on - is it really that dangerous, I mean really? What do you think is going to happen?

LegendLay · 02/02/2010 23:04

iloveruby, a lot could happen. TBH,i was actually more put off by a man asking for a child of six to stay over. I know it's wrong to think that way, but I do, not proud of it.
OP, it's not too late to get to know the parent/s, invite them over and get the child a present.

Zanzibar - like your username...seeing as I'm from there.

wonderif · 02/02/2010 23:15

there is no way i would let my child go for sleep over single mum or dad.

the child is 6 and the bug thing is here you dont know the parents.

unless i knew the parents well i would not be sending them, nor sending him swimming wither.

can you take him ?

lilacclaire · 02/02/2010 23:26

YANBU, I would offer to take my ds to the swimming and mcd's though, but explain he is too young for a sleepover.
I wouldn't be leaving him alone with people I didn't know, especially for the swimming part.

MissWooWoo · 02/02/2010 23:30

oh YANBU at all.

6 yrs old is way too young for a sleepover.

It's a bit silly of the parent to think this is a good idea. I would feel really uncomfortable with this, unless I knew the parents really really really well.

jellybeans · 02/02/2010 23:32

YANBU too young for sleepovers anyway

zanz1bar · 03/02/2010 09:51

Legendlay Yes I have family from Zanzibar, but I have never been.
One day I will go.

porcamiseria · 03/02/2010 10:35

I dont think anyone should automatically assume there is anything dodgy about this, notwithstanding my gut is that 6 is too young for a sleepover

ShinyAndNew · 03/02/2010 10:49

Dd1 is 6, she would be allowed to have school friends sleep over but it doesn't seem to be the done thing amoungst her friends. They don't even stay for tea. Though did pull a fast one on a gran t'other day, trying to convince her I had arranged to babysit her dg, with her mum that morning and she would be coming to me for tea

I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with the sleepover, so long as dd1 knew this person and wanted to go and there was a way to get home during the night if she got upset. It's not like it is just any man off the street. If there was anything untoward why would he chose children from a school that has his address?

YABVU not to let your ds go to any of the party.

ChippingIn · 03/02/2010 11:19

Some of you make me want to scream.

Just because you are too bloody precious to allow your child to do it, does not make him socially inept or worthy of your pity.

Just because he does not see sleepovers as the hell some of you do, does not make him some loon.

Just because he is male does not make him a paedophile.

Sleep overs are not some new craze as someone suggested, we grew up in one anothers houses - we all had a great childhood and none of us came to any harm.