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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my 6 year old go on this sleepover

103 replies

mumto2andnomore · 02/02/2010 20:40

my 6 year old (Y2) came home from school today with a party invitation to go swimming them McDonalds and a sleepover at the childs dads. I know who the child is, dont know either of his parents, they havent been for tea or anything.

Im quite shocked that they think I will let my 6 year old go off for the afternoon and night with someone they and I dont know, dads house is about 15 miles away.

Hes not going but just wondered if others would feel the same ?

OP posts:
Coca · 03/02/2010 11:20

hear hear

Whippet · 03/02/2010 11:26

Putting aside any suggestion of the mass hysteria-type fear that this Dad may be a sex offendor of something, I would just want to know more about the set-up of the sleepover, and the parenting style of the adult/family, before putting a very young child into the environment.

The parents of some of my DSs friends, who are supposedly responsible, professional adults do things which I don't agree with, and from which I prefer to protect my child, so
e.g.

  • drive kids without proper seat belts/two to a seat belt, or small child in the front seat with an air bag
  • leave children as young as 8 to play with fireworks unsupervised
  • let 10 year olds drink Red Bull before bed, and wonder why they don't go to sleep until 2 a.m.
bibbitybobbityhat · 03/02/2010 11:28

Don't scream. That is a quite an overreaction. I wouldn't allow it simply because I had never met the parents before. I'm sure you did spend most of your childhood in other people's houses, as did I, and as do my kids. But we knew the parents, and our parents knew the parents.

Surely thats not outlandish or paranoid?

MissWooWoo · 03/02/2010 11:30

quite bibbity quite

I wouldn't let me dd stay with anyone I didn't know - that's not being paranoid or precious it's being sensible and responsible.

Coca · 03/02/2010 11:32

I probably wouldn't either to be honest, but it would have nothing to do with him being male and single. I would try and give my child of going to the swimming and dinner part though.

bibbitybobbityhat · 03/02/2010 11:35

If someone has said it is because he is male and single then, yes, they do deserve to be pulled up on it. Have they?

ClaraJo · 03/02/2010 11:41

I hosted a sleepover for DD1 for her 8th birthday and I knew all the girls, and all the parents of all the girls. I thought it would be fine - it was a disaster. They were all used to different bedtimes, so I had one girl locking herself in the bathroom in tears because she was over-tired, another wanting to go home because my house didn't smell like her house, another getting freaked because they all had to sleep in the sitting room (for space) and she was worried about burglars. Aaarrgghhh.

I think 6 is way too young.

Original poster
mumto2andnomore · 03/02/2010 11:46

Its the not knowing the parents or the household that I objected to, not the fact that he is male and single, not sure if he even is he could live with his new family for all I know.

OP posts:
Blu · 03/02/2010 11:55

A nice rural idyll, then DeathStare?

Whippet · 03/02/2010 12:01

ClaraJo - yes THOSE are exactly the sort of things which I think are often unforeseen.

OK, so the sleepover-lovers will all rush in and accuse me of being a killjoy etc, but I just don't see that they end up being much FUN for anyone IMHO - frazzled parents, tired grumpy kids next day.

There's plenty time for them to experience staying over with friends when they are older, and a little more robust, but not at 6!

Perhaps my judgement is tainted by my experiences with the family I referred to earlier, as one of their sleepovers last year was 'abandoned' at about 10.30 p.m. when one of the 9 year old boys was rushed to hospital, after having had his front tooth knocked out by another child standing on a coffee table and swinging a cricket bat around .

girlywhirly · 03/02/2010 12:07

I wouldn't have an issue with the swimming and Macdonalds part of the party, and would probably offer to help, but the sleepover is my bugbear. Especially if there are a few children staying and are allowed to stay awake as long as they like. Kids are wrecked, miserable and badly behaved all the next day. And I wouldn't let my child stay with people I didn't know well.

I only allowed one child to stay at a time, and set a time by which they were to go to sleep, no running around, etc. but have experienced the results of a sleepover where neither of the normally responsible parents could control their son's friends and no-one slept before 2 a.m.

I would talk to this dad and ask exactly what is to be happening at this party and sleepover, because it's possible he has no idea how many considerations need addressing. Someone made a point about pool safety and another about carseats/transport. How will he deal with kids wanting to go home at midnight? I think he's trying to do too much for this party, frankly. Swimming and Macdonalds is more than enough.

PuppyMonkey · 03/02/2010 12:07

Swimming parties are the work of the devil. That would be my objection. Who's supervising that then, the parents normally go?

Sleepover not necessarily a no no, but yep I would ring up the dad first and stuff. See how many others are going and who etc, then base my decision on his answers.

OtterInaSkoda · 03/02/2010 12:15

Maybe the birthday dc begged for a sleepover and the dad gave in knowing full well that only one or two (or none) of the dcs invited would actually stay over? I wouldn't assume he was an idiot. That's just, er, idotic.

MissWooWoo · 03/02/2010 12:16

what's wrong with pass the parcel, musical bumps, jelly and ice cream and a big fat birthday cake. All done and dusted in 2 hours? If it's pool parties and restaurant (ahem) dinners followed by an overnight stay in lucxury accomodation at 6 where will it all end?

still too young

tegid · 03/02/2010 13:18

AnyFucker - Why does the dad sound completely clueless? As far as I can see in the thread, there's been no mention of how many children there will be at the party.

Maybe he's said "ok, we can do that but you can only invite 2 friends" (a common response to party requests when I was growing up).

This is obviously conjecture, but my point is that in the absence of any information to suggest that the dad allowed 20 kids and is taking them all swimming by himself, it's a bit harsh to judge him. If he is a sensible parent I'm sure he wouldn't mind being asked for more details?

AnyFucker · 03/02/2010 13:49

tegid, he sounds clueless because it seems he thinks it is a fab idea to-

  1. take 6 yo's swimming (do they all know how to dress properly, look after their belongings etc, what will happen to any girls ?)

  2. crank them up on junk food and fizzy drinks at McD's

  3. get said 6 yo's to sleep in a strange house, away from home for possibly the first time ever and expect them not to get homesick, cry for mummy etc

  4. expect any of the kids to get any quality sleep and be in a nice mood the next morning

For that he is clueless, but I feel sorry for him and I'm sure he meant well, just not thinking it through properly

junglist1 · 03/02/2010 14:08

at the angry faces and thinking people who don't pack their kids off to a strangers houses are precious!

puddinghead · 03/02/2010 14:19

Mine aren't at that age yet, but I think if they were and we'd received such an invite I'd just phone the dad/parents and get some more info before I decided.

Simple. No need for hysterics and slander.

[I'd be more shocked at my precious veggie boy being exposed to McDonalds aaargh.

tegid · 03/02/2010 14:20

AnyFucker:

  1. He might feel comfortable taking a couple of 6 yo's swimming & dealing with the issues that you mention. Possibly there are only boys so he doesn't need to consider what will happen to any girls.
  1. Fair play if you disagree with McD's - but that doesn't make him clueless. It's his DS's birthday - not unreasonable to take kids there.
  1. That's the parents' call, not his. He's only inviting, not insisting. The children may be perfectly comfortable with the idea.
  1. Of course they won't. But the same goes for me & the christmas party last year That in itself isn't a reason not to do something.

FWIW, I'm not disagreeing that it could be a complete disaster, and personally I'd want to know more before deciding too. I just don't think that your reasons are enough to call him clueless. Of course, if the OP had spoken to the dad & found out more about the plans, we'd know.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/02/2010 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 03/02/2010 14:25

Anyfucker - really? You know all that?

Maybe he has arranged another Mother/his sister/his Mother to go with them to supervise the girls.

Maybe there aren't any girls invited.

A good many children have McD's occasionally - it's not going to kill them once in a while.

Maybe his children are able to go to other peoples houses without having a complete breakdown - children do you know.

He invited them to sleep over, he didn't insist they had to.

Who gives a rats ass if they are a bit tired/grumpy the next day. Sleepovers are fun - don't you do anything fun that makes you a bit tired/grumpy the next day (but is worth it??).

(Anyfucker - I usually agree with you on most threads - odd we are in such disagreement on this one )

Junglist1 - I never said people who don't want to send their children to other peoples houses were precious - I said their attitudes in their posts was precious (assuming their way is the only way & the rest of us don't parent to their lofty standards).

Miggsie · 03/02/2010 14:26

I would not let my 6 yo sleepover where I did not know either the child or the parent.

My 6 yo is always trashed after swimming.

I wouldn't let my DD go to McDonalds, I am opposed to their business ethos.

My DD would be so trashed with swimming followed by a meal out that I would have trouble getting her to bed without her crying and going into a paddy, let alone someone she didn't know.

Also, a group of 6 yo on a sleepover...they won't sleep!

Next morning you would get a trashed child with dark rings under their eyes.

I'd accept for swimming then explain anything else would be too much. But that's me.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2010 15:25

and me, miggsie

ChippingIn...we don't have to agree on everything, you know

if we did, we would be the same person, and that would be weird

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/02/2010 15:53

YANBU. Swimming and sleepover is all too much for most 6 year olds (generalises wildly). I wouldn't feel happy about letting either of mine go, at that age. Nor would my current 6 year old want to be away that long.

I wouldn't be keen even if I knew the parent/s well, less so if I had never met them.

Am also a bit bemused by the current vogue for sleepovers

AnyFucker · 03/02/2010 16:03

we have had only one "sleepover" party at our house

when dd was 8

one kid cried and said she was being left out by the others

one got homesick, insisted on phoning her mum, and said she wanted to go home 'cos the party was rubbish

one kid had an argument and then ran off down the street, me chasing her thinking omg, what if she gets run over

one kid kept the others awake all night and constantly snacked on food from the fridge

next morning, they were exhausted horrors with black rings under their eyes (I was even worse)

so...never again

and anyone who ever has ridiculous ideas about opening your home to the children of complete strangers...learn from my mistake