To wish people weren't always so negative about large families?

[StirFry]

Dh and I have 5 DC between the ages of 11 and 4 months. We were out shopping today and the lady at the checkout said to me "ooh these aren't all yours are they?" when I said they were she looked mortified.

Unfortunately this kind of thing happens often. TBH not sure why people think they have the right to question us about it anyway!

Why are so many people so negative about families with lots of children? I can't think of one reason why it should be frown upon so much by so many!

"People comment on what seems slightly out of the ordinary. It is what people do."

I agree with Pagwatch's post. All of it.

I'd also say that people aren't always negative in what they say about large families. However, there seem to be some people who will take any comment negatively.

"People comment on what seems slightly out of the ordinary. It is what people do."

I also agree with this but some people really do make very rude and negative comments. These are a few of the comments I've had since having DC5 4 months ago

"My God, surely you're not having another one" (from a mum at school)

"you really need to get your tubes tied after this one" from MIL

And my bil's girlfriend said that people have lots of children because they aren't capable of doing anything more worthwhile!!! and that I'm not "intelligent enough" to realise that there is more to life than having babies!

I really don't mind people asing about my DC, in fact they are my favorite topic of conversation but these aren't just commenting "on what seems slightly out of the ordinary" They are negative, rude and in the case of the last one, down right nasty.

I agree with Pagwatch too - people are interested/intrigued/nosey about anything that is even slightly out of the average.

But - and this is the reason I seldom contribute to these threads - if anyone's going to discuss the environmental impact of having a larger than average family, could we take all the various aspects of that into account? Of course it's environmentally responsible to use public transport, not drive a gas-guzzling car and everything else that usually gets mentioned (and I am generalising about all the threads I've read on this topic, not just this one) but these are things which the parents control now, when the children are little. The fact that gets skirted around is that, twenty or thirty years down the line, a family that has had 8 children will probably be living in 4x as many houses, driving 4x as many cars and generally consuming 4x as much and producing 4x as much waste as a family which had 2 children. On the other hand, they may be paying 4x as much tax to fund public services or winning 4x the number of Nobel prizes. Has anyone published any serious analysis of what's more beneficial for society?

Anyway, family size for most of us is a matter of individual preference and choice.

Am wittering now so will stop.

Overpopulation is a massive problem, and just because that's inconvenient for you, that does'nt make it untrue!
OP it sounds
like you've come on here for a pat on the back for having five children?

Everybody judges, its human nature. Be it the way people dress, benefit claimers, size of family etc. Its not just large families that get negative comments.

"Why are so many people so negative about families with lots of children? I can't think of one reason why it should be frown upon so much by so many!" OP, I can think of lots of reasons people have their own views on large families. Bad press re large families and the amount of benefits claimed in tax credits and child benefit, carbon footprint both now and in the future etc.

Although, I cant see why somebody would be upset to be asked if they were all their children, seems a fine question to me. Its not like she asked if they were all by the same father!

'birth rate in UK is going down is;t it?'

No it isn't: it's increasing.

Also, each of the children we produce will want housing. They'll probably all want cars and to drive them.

This means more fields go under tarmac. More roads need building. This reduces further the amount of food we can grow. It also increases water shortages.

I am pregnant with number 4 and have had a few glutton for punishment comments and the old no tv chestnut.

I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks, my DB has no children so I have four to compensate .

The population in the UK is aging rapidly and it may come that there won't be enough taxpayers to contribute to care for the elderly population.

I am also pg with number 4 - and agree with everything sweetkitty said - my brother and my SIL don't have, and probably won't have children, so I'm having their share .

And given the mess that this government has made of creating hundreds of thousands of public sector workers who are all expecting big pensions, someone has to pay for them.....

Thing is, sweetkitty, the Ponzi approach to demographics doesn't work. How can it? IF you keep increasing the population you're simply producing more people who will ultimately need a pension, too, which will mean that even more babies will be needed to fund that pension, which means that even more will be needed...

I wish you and your family all the best, btw. This is still just about a free country and we must make decisions for our families based on what we believe is best.

You know I have changed my mind reading this thread. I'm generally for as much personal freedom as possible but I think I agree with curryfreak.

If we as a nation/world are really going to address climate change/enviromental issue we have to stop having thease personal opt outs - ie I'm ok to have more kids than is ''enviromenatlly resonsible'' - because 'isert various reasons'

Peaches et al Geldof using a helicopter to attend charity opo concerts

Royalty who bleat on about organic jam but fly in chartered planes etc

Hmmm. As has been mentioned already people comment on anything if it isn't the norm.

If you have one (through choice or otherwise) the comments you receive can be fucking painful ime. Ditto if you have no children.

I doubt many large families are not supported by the tax payer - unless the dcs are all privately/home educated, do not avail themselves of the NHS and the parents don't receive any tax credits.

HappyMummyOfOne I have actually been asked if all my children have the same father! by the blooming midwife!!

And we don't claim benefits, tax credits etc. Yes we get child benefit but then so does every other parent in the country. My DH pays tax at the highest rate and so I don't feel guilty about claiming CB as it is a small percentage of what we actually contribute to the 'pot'

Afwiw I don't begrudge the amount of tax we pay, I do believe that as higher earners we should contribute more.

My BF has one child after several IVF attempts, and is now extremely unlikely to have any more. She gets comments about having an only child which are extremely painful intrusive and frankly fucking outragous. My sympathies lie with her, rather than the op, who is simply whinging about people making comments. She also seems to want us all the say how fantastic she is for giving birth to five children.

OtterinaSkoda - both DH and I are higher rate tax payers and yes we avail ourselves of state education, but the only 'perk' we get from the government is Child Benefit, (which we will probably lose after the election anyway).

We don't get tax credits and we pay a huge amount in council tax every month.

(Just realised that StirFry has said the same thing), and I was going to say that I believe we are far greater net contributors than many other smaller families living on tax credits, benefits etc.....so no, I don't feel guilty.

I have four, oldest 7, youngest 1 and I love the attention! People do say 'are you crazy?' etc but who cares? I know it's something to say and we're a tiny bit unusual and so don't mind.

A friend of mine is expecting twins and her oldest is 6, her twins will be babies 5 & 6....
I think it's fabulous. She is the only person I know who could have that many children and still be calm, relaxed and devoted to each child.

I think families should be as large as they want to be.

But we do need to be honest.

Saying your carbon footprint now is lower than another families will have no bearing on how large the ultimate footprint will be. Unless you all intend to live together forever...
Lat year my friend and I had one of those carbon assessments and we were much lower despite our 4x4 etc purely by dint of having half the number of kids.

That's not to say people shouldn't have more than two, but we must be honest.

Similarly, if people can't support their children then it's just irresponsible.

curryfreak, you seem awfully bitter.

Another one here for not claiming any benefits and teaching my children to be environmentally aware.... we are possibly better than some childless couples.

Can I just respond to OtterInaSkoda
We have 3 dc and we are thinking about a 4th. We don't claim child support for ds 2 or 3 and never have done, only ds 1 as we needed it when he was born. We don't take from the 'pot' as we believe others need it more.

We don't claim t/c or any other benefits. I paid for my prescriptions during pregnancy as I felt, morally, that I should because I could.

Yes, we are lucky but dh has worked damn hard over the years to get to where he has for us to even consider having a 4th. He pays a lot of tax so I feel no guilt.

Not everyone claims just because they can.
We are not kings but know that we shouldn't claim if we don't need it as really that's the point isn't it?

Re the larger families, I am amazed at the comments I get with just only 3. 'Oh, I could never cope/OMG you have 3 BOYS?/wow you must be supermum?' and a favourite from my SIL is 'Your house is just so full of...kids!

Yup. That's how we like it and it makes us very happy.

Posieparker,- bitter about what exactly?

muppetgirl - I certainly wouldn't begrudge you claiming TCs etc. What bothers me (and this isn't aimed at anyone posting on this thread particularly) is claiming that one's larger family is not supported by the tax payer. Pretty much all children are (quite rightly) supported by the tax payer in some way and it's dishonest to claim otherwise.

True. I do see that.
Though everyone is then supported in some way, not just small/large/larger families.

I feel that you should support yourself where you can and not take what you don't need even though you may be 'entitled' to it.

What are t/c's anyway?

I like large families, so if i ever commented it would only be a positive comment, which i might say for eg if i see someone with lots of kids with them all nicely behaved showing good manners, cos u can see theyve done a good job with all of them u have to admire that
I have only 2 at the moment but i would like more, at least 4 ideally because I wdnt be happy with the next one being my last, and also feel too young to be finished having children so rather keep going
I don't see what business of anyone else's it is how many you have, unless you are asking & expecting that person to help out a lot with ur childcare , otherwise they should just be quiet and mind their own business.
I don't buy this overpopulation argument at all

Otter, I really would like you to explain to me how my DC are supported by the tax payer?

It is our business. You don't live on the planet by yourselves.