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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish people weren't always so negative about large families?

108 replies

StirFry · 31/01/2010 22:17

Dh and I have 5 DC between the ages of 11 and 4 months. We were out shopping today and the lady at the checkout said to me "ooh these aren't all yours are they?" when I said they were she looked mortified.

Unfortunately this kind of thing happens often. TBH not sure why people think they have the right to question us about it anyway!

Why are so many people so negative about families with lots of children? I can't think of one reason why it should be frown upon so much by so many!

OP posts:
Veritythebrave · 31/01/2010 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carrieboo75 · 31/01/2010 23:35

Oh my Verity that makes me stand and wonder, I think that may be a challenge to far. strange part of me still thinks it sounds like fun though and it made hubby smile.

Veritythebrave · 31/01/2010 23:42

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GypsyMoth · 31/01/2010 23:57

Infertility is on the increase so I don't give a stuff about the population thing........it will even out somewhere along the line.

Carbon footprint is damaged alot more by the overuse of other resources and 4x4's ...

Original poster
StirFry · 01/02/2010 00:03

Redbin, my DC aren't supported by the taxpayer!!! Believe me our DC are wholey supported by ourselves

OP posts:
sb6699 · 01/02/2010 00:10

Redbin - you do realise that families can end up being supported by the taxpayer through no fault of their own?

I know someone who has 11 (2 are sdc's). They are such lovely well mannered children and are all happy to muck in whereas mine whinge if even asked to tidy their rooms.

Their mum reckons its because they know if they dont help then there is a strong possibility that essentials (such as meals, clean clothes, etc) might not happen!

coralanne · 01/02/2010 00:58

My DD has four. Eldest turned 7 in January. Youngest 8 months. They are so funny and adorable. All have their own personality and love interacting with each other. When I have the eldest two (DGS almost 5) they love to help,making cakes, setting table, cleaning up. Whenever my garden window needs cleaning and the plants need culling, Miss 7 is up there in a flash to do it.

Clothes are handed down. DGS being the only boy gets hand me downs from his cousins. I make all their pyjamas and good dresses, plus all their bedding and quilts.

DD and her DH both have professional jobs (mat leave at the moment) and manage quite well financially.

echt · 01/02/2010 06:30

Can we settle this - everyone is to some extent supported by taxpayers; the roads you use, fire services; public transport. No-one is independent.

As for not having the right to judge people for having lots of children; it may be their sincerely-held belief that overpopulation is at the root of poverty, so they have a right to their opinion.

Mybox · 01/02/2010 07:38

I get comments as well - mainly nice along the lines of how do you manage.

MitchyInge · 01/02/2010 07:58

I loved growing up in a big family (am one of seven) and always feel a bit wistful when I meet families with that many children

albinosquirrel · 01/02/2010 08:10

what about if the parents complain about how much hard work it is/how difficult to juggle childcare/how expensive to do x- do you think that you have the right to judge then?
There is more to support than just financial support

Morloth · 01/02/2010 08:11

I am one of 6 and would quite enjoy a big family myself, but am not willing to make the trade-offs!

Would love to do an Angelina and be horribly rich and collect orphans. Would love a house full of kids.

jalopy · 01/02/2010 08:19

Actually, I'm in awe of you having a big family and owning a dog too. Even more responsibility!

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 01/02/2010 08:26

I am also in awe of mums with 4+ dc, I just can't imagine the amount of planning and organisation involved, particularly where both parents work.

However, I do agree that unless you should have adequate resources to support them. I'm not talking about families that find themselves in a situation where they need to claim IS through redundancy/ill health etc, but those that decide to have child after child knowing full well they will be wholly reliant on government money.

By Echt
'Can we settle this - everyone is to some extent supported by taxpayers; the roads you use, fire services; public transport. No-one is independent.'

Being a taxpayer means you are contributing to all those things you mention. Contributing nothing is very different, especially when you continue to have children you cannot financially support.

Original poster
StirFry · 01/02/2010 09:07

""Can we settle this - everyone is to some extent supported by taxpayers""

Depends how you define "supported" A lot of people pay a hell of a lot of tax and so are contributing to the system, not being supported by it!

"Roads" - we pay road tax, "fire services" etc and public transport - we pay council tax.

And some people pay a hell of a lot more in tax than they even get back out of the system but that it a different thread

OP posts:
fernie3 · 01/02/2010 09:09

well we are expecting our 4th and have had a few comments already including "whats wrong with you??" and the old tv favourite, I have also had one woman complain about the environment. My reply was we might have 4 but we dont have a car so we probably impact the environment less than you (I know they have two cars in their family so I am confident this is true!).
As for supporting them my husband works to support them if he didnt we would not have any more.

Original poster
StirFry · 01/02/2010 09:09

"what about if the parents complain about how much hard work it is/how difficult to juggle childcare/how expensive to do x- do you think that you have the right to judge then?"

Albino I'm not sure I understand your point, I am not complaining about it being difficult. Yes its hard work but its the same for any parent, and thats just a fact not a complaint, wouldn't have it any other way.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 01/02/2010 09:11

I don't think they are negative. They are just trying to imagine what it must be like to have that many DC. And feeling shocked by the result.

Original poster
StirFry · 01/02/2010 09:16

I'm a TA in a primary school so I guess its kind of like having my own little class at home

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsake · 01/02/2010 09:19

I think Orm is right. They aren't thinking about World Poverty, but how they would be personally in that situation.

Everyone may be entitled to their opinion, but they are not entitled to express it at the expense of anothers feelings.

Some people are downright rude, and its not necessary.

pagwatch · 01/02/2010 09:19

To have a large family is a little more unusual these day - well in most parts of the UK it is.
I grew up as one of 8 and people commented on it - the same way they comment if you have twins, if you have triplets, if you have one child, if you have three children all the same sex, if you are an older parent, if you are a single parent, if you are a gay couple, if you are a mixed race couple, if you have a child with disability, if you are a young parent, if your children are wearing the same clothes, if they are very different.....

People comment on what seems slightly out of the ordinary. It is what people do.

If someone starts telling you that your choice is wrong then fair enough to be about it. But if people notice it and make an observation then I think you are being pretty prissy about it.
People comment about loads of things. To a certain extent you choose to be humphy about it or not. And you would need to make sure that you never ever comment on anyone elses child, parenting, family, etc etc for fear of being hypocritical

HelloThisIsJoanie · 01/02/2010 09:20

god oyu cant have 5 kids and get all sniffy when someone says its unusual
do grow some

GypsyMoth · 01/02/2010 09:28

i get alot of remarks along the lines of 'you've had five kids?!! you wouldnt think so to look at you!'

people cant seem to accept that i have no huge stretched belly,wear baggy tracksuits etc....

i can still dress nicely.find time for make up,visit a hairdresser and i have NO stretch marks!!!!!

thesecondcoming · 01/02/2010 09:28

This reply has been deleted

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mumofsevenplusfour · 01/02/2010 09:29

yes we are all supported by the taxpayer now but in years to come it will be my seven hopefully soon to be 8 who will be supporting the pensioners of the future
as regards global warming etc as a large family are carbon footprint is probably less than many smaller families ie we holiday in britain or ireland cost of flying prohibitive to foreign climes we recycle pass on clothes use terry nappies dont use ready meals have no dishwasher we theoretically have 7 dont have a tumble drier etc