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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to quite like that DH can look after us.

83 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 20:48

DH used to be a brawler but since we met he's been a star- never in a fight, not even once. He hardly drinks at all, doesn't feel the need to go out all the time. Doesn't provoke anyone or anything like that. He's really turned over a new leaf, so good on him!

He is very protective of DS and I, but has never been in a situation to have to fight for us so far- but I know he can look after us IYKWIM. I find this really comforting.

The other day we had an awful appointment at the hospital (documented on childbirth threads). I'm pregnant 36+4- and a midwife made us think that our baby, who has had problems all the way through this pregnancy, has downs syndrome. They also decided they would be delivering baby early. Nothing was explained to us and we were left in a bit of a state (I have spoken to a consultant since who has apologised for the confusion and for that midwife and said that the baby isn't down sydrome, she'd got it wrong, etc) but the fact is, at the time, we were in a bad way.

We were on our way home from the hospital.
There is a busy road with a school on which we have to go down to get home. A car stopped on a speed bump to let other cars through (it was a 4x4- this isn't a 4x4 bashing thread, I'm just saying it was a big car) so obviously we were stopped behind it. The cars passed through the narrow road and the car infront just sat there. We waited a while wondering what he was doing. Then DH went round the car and we looked at the driver. DH held palms of hands up and shrugged shoulders, as in 'what are you doing?'

The man started screaming and shouting through the window (his wife was in the passenger seat). We ignored it and continued to drive away but the man was banging like mad on his horn whilst we went down the street with a line of cars behind us.

DH ended up seeing his arse and turned right into a junction and turned straight back round to go back to the car and see what his problem was. I was shouting at him not to and burst into tears just because I was upset from the hospital (but in all fairness, so was he!). He apologised and said to calm down, he'd just take us home. In this time the man had actually seen us turn back round and he had crapped his pants- he suddenly drove his big car away as fast as he could, looking at DH along the way with a really scared look on his face... having not actually waited to pick the kids up from outside the school!

All that friggin banging on his horn and shouting, but what a pussy.

I'd rather have a DH who can stick up for his family, but chooses to do the right thing rather than some stupid DH who is all mouth and fuss but panics and drives away at the first sign of retaliation!

OP posts:
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 20:49

Ooo that's quite long, sorry ladies I always go into too much detail

OP posts:
Jix · 31/01/2010 20:59

I think both guys were acting like idiots here. Where were the grown-ups??
If he was really looking after you he'd have made sure he got you home in one piece, made you a cup of tea, and put YOU first, not his temper.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 21:00

Jix- temper for all of 5 seconds then calm and got me home safe. He'd been through the exact same appointment as me.

OP posts:
Jix · 31/01/2010 21:02

Sorry road rage is dangerous and should never be endorsed.

FimBOW · 31/01/2010 21:03

Sorry but I find the op rather bizarre

BelleDameSansMerci · 31/01/2010 21:04

T&UP, I completely understand what you're saying.

I suspect, if AF's tongue in cheek driving thread is anything to go by, there will be a delegation of outraged men saying we're supposed to be feminists, etc, along any minute! And, of course, totally missing the point that having someone you love (regardless of their sex) who can take care of you and your children in that kind of circumstance is a wonderful feeling.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 21:04

He made the right decision and let it go. Other man was a complete wally and carried his banging on horn on for a lot longer than 5 seconds.

Normally road rage infuriates me, but I am convinced the other man should have thought twice before making such a scene.

OP posts:
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 21:05

sorry cross posted

OP posts:
FimBOW · 31/01/2010 21:05

But would he have made the right decision if you hadn't been with him and burst into tears?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 21:07

I totally believe he would. He just needed a second to think and then he carried on like nothing had happened. I'm so proud of the person he's become over the past few years. Once upon a time that guy wouldn't have had a hope in hell TBH. All is changed for the better now.

OP posts:
kinnies · 31/01/2010 21:11

You will get flamed for this, but I feel the same wrt my Dh.

The one and only time he's ever bee physical since getting with me, he punched this arse wipe once and it sent him flying and broke his nose.
This guy had come up to me as Dh and I were leaving a pub. I had never in my life seen him before. He was V. drunk and shouted somthing at me. I was confused, but did nothing and then he pushed me really hard.
Dh reacted by punching him.

I think Dh was right as this bloke was off his head and had assulted me.
We have seen this guy since and he has said sorry and looks sheepish around us. So he bloody should!

Ivykaty44 · 31/01/2010 21:19

Once upon a time that guy wouldn't have had a hope in hell TBH*

You have no idae if that was the case.

A long time ago I saw a young man walking across a bridge - three lads coming the other way tipped his hat of and surroned him - he was smaller.

Two were left lying on the pavement and the third went into the river.

never ever asume that a situation is always going to go the way you wish or think. You never know which perosn will come of better in a fight.

catastrojb · 31/01/2010 21:20

t&up i know what you mean - the gist of your OP, rather than the details. My dh is a judo black belt (has 3 youth/uni national titles) and although I have never seen or heard of him being in a fight (he does have a temper) I love the fact that he could protect us if it was necessary. And I am perfectly independent and certainly not a "little woman"!

catastrojb · 31/01/2010 21:21

just to add now i read ivykaty's post, dh is only 5ft7...so yes, I agree, never assume anything! am rambling now, sorry .

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 21:23

Ah I'm not bothered about getting flamed, been on MN long enough to be thick skinned by now

OP posts:
fanjolina · 31/01/2010 21:24
Biscuit
kinnies · 31/01/2010 21:26

Good

BrahmsThirdRacket · 31/01/2010 21:26

It's nice that you aren't bothered by the way he reacted, but if I had been through an appointment like that and then my DP reacted to something fairly minor as yours did and it made me cry, I would be furious with him for increasing my stress for no reason. I don't see how he 'looked after' your family. You weren't in any danger at that point and, tbh, he was lucky that the other man was a bit of a coward - he could have been a psycho and driven into your car or something in retaliation. By engaging in it he was putting you all at a higher risk. However, it's positive that he was able to calm himself down when he realised he was upsetting you.

LadyintheRadiator · 31/01/2010 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonaldMcDonald · 31/01/2010 21:28

just seems weird to me the idea of lauding violence or rage of any form

what would have happened if the other driver hadn't driven away?
how was he sticking up for his family? surely his being unable to control his temper whilst driving didn't exactly make your already bad day any better?

YABVVVU

LadyintheRadiator · 31/01/2010 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieO · 31/01/2010 21:32

I agree with Ivy, just because you think your dh is "hard" doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't be able to kick the crap out of him, or have a knife etc. It's just not worth it and I can't stand it when blokes have to wave their dicks about so much.

LadyintheRadiator · 31/01/2010 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieO · 31/01/2010 21:34

I'm glad you said that LadyintheRadiator as I thought exactly the same thing when I read the post and then posted before saying it. Totally agree with you.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 21:34

This 'knob' is off to relax I'm afraid ladies. I've vowed to relax from 9.30pm tonight on doctor's orders. House clean and ready for babba, glass of schloer and an early night for me.

Step away from AIBU...

Night all.

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