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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to quite like that DH can look after us.

83 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 20:48

DH used to be a brawler but since we met he's been a star- never in a fight, not even once. He hardly drinks at all, doesn't feel the need to go out all the time. Doesn't provoke anyone or anything like that. He's really turned over a new leaf, so good on him!

He is very protective of DS and I, but has never been in a situation to have to fight for us so far- but I know he can look after us IYKWIM. I find this really comforting.

The other day we had an awful appointment at the hospital (documented on childbirth threads). I'm pregnant 36+4- and a midwife made us think that our baby, who has had problems all the way through this pregnancy, has downs syndrome. They also decided they would be delivering baby early. Nothing was explained to us and we were left in a bit of a state (I have spoken to a consultant since who has apologised for the confusion and for that midwife and said that the baby isn't down sydrome, she'd got it wrong, etc) but the fact is, at the time, we were in a bad way.

We were on our way home from the hospital.
There is a busy road with a school on which we have to go down to get home. A car stopped on a speed bump to let other cars through (it was a 4x4- this isn't a 4x4 bashing thread, I'm just saying it was a big car) so obviously we were stopped behind it. The cars passed through the narrow road and the car infront just sat there. We waited a while wondering what he was doing. Then DH went round the car and we looked at the driver. DH held palms of hands up and shrugged shoulders, as in 'what are you doing?'

The man started screaming and shouting through the window (his wife was in the passenger seat). We ignored it and continued to drive away but the man was banging like mad on his horn whilst we went down the street with a line of cars behind us.

DH ended up seeing his arse and turned right into a junction and turned straight back round to go back to the car and see what his problem was. I was shouting at him not to and burst into tears just because I was upset from the hospital (but in all fairness, so was he!). He apologised and said to calm down, he'd just take us home. In this time the man had actually seen us turn back round and he had crapped his pants- he suddenly drove his big car away as fast as he could, looking at DH along the way with a really scared look on his face... having not actually waited to pick the kids up from outside the school!

All that friggin banging on his horn and shouting, but what a pussy.

I'd rather have a DH who can stick up for his family, but chooses to do the right thing rather than some stupid DH who is all mouth and fuss but panics and drives away at the first sign of retaliation!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 31/01/2010 21:35

So what are you happy about? That he could win a fight if he had one, or that he doesn't want to have one?

DH would be supremely unbothered by the other driver's aggression. I like that.

DaddyJ · 31/01/2010 21:47

Oh, come on you middle class lot! Spoilsports.
I was enjoying this thread!

LetThereBeRock · 31/01/2010 21:47

You wouldn't be sounding half as smug if the other man hadn't driven off and had became more aggressive instead,and that's just as likely, if not more so than the odds that he'd drive off. You were lucky.

I used to work in a job where we got in reports of road rage related incidents every day and there were often injuries and even deaths that resulted when one person escalated the situation by getting out of their car to approach the other party.

It's incredibly stupid and arrogant to do so,particuarly when there are other people in your vehicle that could get caught up in it.

The smart thing to do is to leave the scene and not to approach the other person. You may think of doing so as cowardly but it takes a stronger person to see sense and back down than it does for someone to put their image first by returning that aggression and therefore making the situation even more volatile.

LetThereBeRock · 31/01/2010 21:49

Sorry but what has being middle class, or not being middle class got to do with this thread?

lematthedogs · 31/01/2010 21:53

So, just saying your DH all macho had did what he did, the other guy, instead of sensibly driving off, got out of his car - there was a brawl - the police were called, he was carted off to the cells? You became totally distraught, went into early labour??

Or worse than that - there was a brawl, the other guy pulled a knife, stabbed your DH? He died.

Another scenario - your DH, being the big strong fighting man that he is, gets out of the car, the other man gets out of the car - they fight, one of them falls and hits their head - dies.

You see, its not big, its not clever and no body is laughing!!

I am terrible for road rage, i will shout and swear (even though i dont drive) and gesticulate. My DP is and i am "well, its not like they can hear me".

Your DH and you, really need to grow up - you are parents now and being a "bit of a fighter" is NOTHING to be proud of

RumourOfAHurricane · 31/01/2010 21:57

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JodieO · 31/01/2010 22:05

DaddyJ, quite an assumption to make...I'm actually from East London and knew a lot of truely "hard" blokes that did have fights, knock people out and more, and that you really wouldn't want to cross. Doesn't make it ok though.

AnyFucker · 31/01/2010 22:10

bloody hell, OP, I think you have come off very lightly so far...

are you both very, very young ?

because frankly, that is the only near-excuse I can see for this terrifyingly strange and disturbing post...

DaddyJ · 31/01/2010 22:12

Pah, no fun this thread no more.

Give us some more hard dh anecdotes!

JodieO · 31/01/2010 22:16

DaddyJ your last post makes you sound like Yoda

DaddyJ · 31/01/2010 22:21

He's well-hard! Tiny but tough.
I bet he is good at looking after his family.

TheShriekingHarpy · 31/01/2010 22:39

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JodieO · 31/01/2010 22:40

Lol DaddyJ I bet he is too, he uses "the force"

LetThereBeRock · 31/01/2010 22:56

Has anyone actually made reference to the OP's dh's class,whatever that might be? Did anyone assume he wasn't middle class?

I still can't see how class came into this unless someone mentioned it earlier and I missed it, which is quite likely.

I'm not middle class. I'm quite sure that I do generalise but I know that middle class males are as capable of aggression as anyone.

And why did DaddyJ presume that we're all middle class? We're quite a mixed bunch really, not a homogenous mass. And if we were all middle class does that mean that we can't share an opinion on the matter?

And a verbal altercation is an act of aggression imho and often escalates the situation to a punch up unfortunately so a verbal altercation is best avoided.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 31/01/2010 23:03

"TAUP, your opinion may not be a fashionable one but I completely understand your sentiments. Feeling "protected" is nice."

No one's arguing about the slightly 1950s sentiment of it - it's the fact that she had a false sense of security. The best way to protect your family is to avoid putting them in danger, and that includes entering into traffic altercations which can easily turn violent.

AnyFucker · 31/01/2010 23:19

much more worrying is the OP's gleeful fascination and constant, detailed references to what is essentially an act of road rage

if this is a reformed man, I shudder to think what went before

how strange to be so insanely proud of this kind of frightening behaviour

TheShriekingHarpy · 31/01/2010 23:23

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SerendipitousHarlot · 31/01/2010 23:25

DaddyJ

OP... I can sort of see what you mean, wrt your OH turning over a new leaf and all that.

But how you've explained it here, it makes it sound like you were excited at the prospect of it all kicking off. It could have ended all so differently.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 31/01/2010 23:32

Harpy, it's not his actions I'm particularly bothered by, it's the fact that the OP believe it makes her safer when it fact it could have the opposite effect.

LetThereBeRock · 31/01/2010 23:32

As AF mentioned the real issue is the OP's delight in his actions.

StarryEyedandLaughing · 31/01/2010 23:37

OP - get away from DH, if he threatens violence to strangers what makes you so sure that you are not next?

differentnameforthis · 31/01/2010 23:45

But surely, the grown up thing to do would be to leave it? I doubt his anger was only 5 seconds worth, you were shouting & crying, that suggest to me that this was going on for a little longer than you suggest.

I get the shrugging shoulders thing on the way past, but he turned at a junction to go back & see this guy. Which could have lead to violence etc. As pointed out before, you just never know who has what or who is capable of what!

My dh would have left it altogether. Maybe looked at the driver, pulled his shoulders up, but gone around him & carried on his way. Finished!

Kewcumber · 31/01/2010 23:45

Frankly I'm delighted that I'm hard enough to look after my own family. Grown men weep and run away when I just look at them. Never fails to thrill me that they would rather run away than deal with me.

One guy once hooted his horn at me (how dare he, people have invaded countries for less) and I shot him with my dashboard mounted bazooka.

My DH loves it - so I know just what you mean OP.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/01/2010 23:48

You sound like a silly little girl, OP. Sorry to say it. Very young, I expect. Just google the name "Kenneth Noye" and you'll see how it could easily have ended very differently.

You have NO idea what sort of person is in the other car in these situations. None at all. They could have mental problems. Be some psychopath. There is only one thing to do in those situations - drive on and ignore the beeping horn. Fine to shrug as you were going past to show that you didn't understand why they were waiting there, but to go as far as to do a U-turn to show how hard you are is frankly, pathetic. How do you know that THEY hadn't stopped for some genuine reason, what if THEY had had a traumatic afternoon - been driving back froma funeral or something and had some knobhead driving past shrugging at them and making a big scene at the fact they've stopped a few seconds longer than you would have liked..

Fact is, you just don't know what you're dealing with. So be mature enough to hold off from retaliating. It's called "being a grown-up", dear.

BreevandercampLGJ · 31/01/2010 23:55

Chavtastic