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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to quite like that DH can look after us.

83 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 31/01/2010 20:48

DH used to be a brawler but since we met he's been a star- never in a fight, not even once. He hardly drinks at all, doesn't feel the need to go out all the time. Doesn't provoke anyone or anything like that. He's really turned over a new leaf, so good on him!

He is very protective of DS and I, but has never been in a situation to have to fight for us so far- but I know he can look after us IYKWIM. I find this really comforting.

The other day we had an awful appointment at the hospital (documented on childbirth threads). I'm pregnant 36+4- and a midwife made us think that our baby, who has had problems all the way through this pregnancy, has downs syndrome. They also decided they would be delivering baby early. Nothing was explained to us and we were left in a bit of a state (I have spoken to a consultant since who has apologised for the confusion and for that midwife and said that the baby isn't down sydrome, she'd got it wrong, etc) but the fact is, at the time, we were in a bad way.

We were on our way home from the hospital.
There is a busy road with a school on which we have to go down to get home. A car stopped on a speed bump to let other cars through (it was a 4x4- this isn't a 4x4 bashing thread, I'm just saying it was a big car) so obviously we were stopped behind it. The cars passed through the narrow road and the car infront just sat there. We waited a while wondering what he was doing. Then DH went round the car and we looked at the driver. DH held palms of hands up and shrugged shoulders, as in 'what are you doing?'

The man started screaming and shouting through the window (his wife was in the passenger seat). We ignored it and continued to drive away but the man was banging like mad on his horn whilst we went down the street with a line of cars behind us.

DH ended up seeing his arse and turned right into a junction and turned straight back round to go back to the car and see what his problem was. I was shouting at him not to and burst into tears just because I was upset from the hospital (but in all fairness, so was he!). He apologised and said to calm down, he'd just take us home. In this time the man had actually seen us turn back round and he had crapped his pants- he suddenly drove his big car away as fast as he could, looking at DH along the way with a really scared look on his face... having not actually waited to pick the kids up from outside the school!

All that friggin banging on his horn and shouting, but what a pussy.

I'd rather have a DH who can stick up for his family, but chooses to do the right thing rather than some stupid DH who is all mouth and fuss but panics and drives away at the first sign of retaliation!

OP posts:
MillyR · 31/01/2010 23:55

I am not sure how you would define a husband who can look after you.

Obviously the OP's husband can't - he was considering putting the OP in a position of danger for no reason.

But if we are thinking in terms of a man who is very muscular and knows how to fight - then he could stop another smaller, less skilled man from what? Abducting his child? Raping his wife? Well that is all very well but what if there are four abducters or one rapist carrying a shot gun- then the man can't look after his family.

So really the ability to look after a family in some violent act is a bizarre notion. The individuals a violent man certainly can do harm to are his children and wife. I would be horrified if DD got into a relationship with a violent man when she is older.

nickschick · 01/02/2010 00:01

My DH is a very tough man,an ex para having served in northern ireland several tours and having been a bouncer for several years I know he can stand his corner in any situation.

However hes the first one to avoid trouble and would have just driven past......its the quiet ones you worry about!!.

The thing is its all very well being a 'hard man' but theres always a harder man waiting.

Lifes to short to waste on shit.

Devendra · 01/02/2010 06:43

I cringed when I read the op to be honest.. really dont see the point in in.. How bizzare!

lematthedogs · 01/02/2010 10:21

I REALLY cannot see how the OP's DH was protecting her at all - if he had been protecting her he would have driven off. She has already boasted that he used to be a fighter . With a pregnant woman in the car?? He sounds like a complete twunt tbh.

Great example to be setting his children - also in the car

DISGUSTING

posieparker · 01/02/2010 10:26

OP, if your DH's behaviour is making you feel safe at a time when you possibly don't feel too secure then I think good on your DH.

Where has anyone posted is and not has downs syndrome?

posieparker · 01/02/2010 10:27

Honestly, I can't believe the responses. Sometimes can't we just let things go?

sowhatis · 01/02/2010 10:28

sorry, but what a prat.

CatIsSleepy · 01/02/2010 10:29

i don't see how driving back to a potentially dangerous situation is sticking up for your family
that would make me feel less safe, not more

the other driver sounds like a total arse-best plan would be to ignore and leave them to it I'd have thought...

Antdamm · 01/02/2010 10:30

Posie, in the OP is says 'said that the baby isn't down sydrome, she'd got it wrong, etc'

posieparker · 01/02/2010 10:33

But she had also said 'has downs syndrome'...

Anyone that posts an OP like this you have to feel that there radar is rather off, i just feel a little nasty taking away what she must think is ideal for her.

Morloth · 01/02/2010 10:33

DH is a big guy, he plays rugby and we do kick-boxing together (I usually win, but I suspect that is because he doesn't want to hurt me).

However, in the same situation I would have told him to grow the fuck up and driveaway. Just because someone else is being a twat doesn't mean you have to be as well.

And yes size and "hardness" isn't everything (snigger). Smaller men apparently have the advantage in hand to hand, they have a lower centre of gravity.

OrmRenewed · 01/02/2010 10:34

That wouldn't make me feel safe. At all.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2010 10:45

What a strange OP.

The whole 'DP is a reformed brawler'. Sod having a brawler as a partner, reformed or not. I hate that kind of shit, and as I grew up in a household where physical violence was the norm, there is no way on god's earth I would put up with any kind of aggressive tendencies in my adult like. No effing way.

What are we supposed to say to teh OP? Are we supposed to applaud the fact that her DP lost his rag and made chase? Or, after the OP burst in tears of fear, he saw the error of his ways and turned around? Or the fact the bloke in the other car 'shit himself'.

Odd.

Thank GOD and all his seraphim that my DP is the kind of laid back soul who would have laughed at another driver going off on one, and not seen to exacerbate the situation with a bit of ill-thought out aggression and nastiness.

GibbonInARibbon · 01/02/2010 11:05

I would have felt sick had DH done this (not that he would thankfully)

And you're proud of it? Are you 16?

NinthWave · 01/02/2010 11:14

So, what if the other driver had been a hard man like your DH, and got out of his car when you pulled over? What if they'd had a real fight - would that have been okay, preferable to being a 'pussy'?

Really not sure I see your point!

morningpaper · 01/02/2010 11:21

WTF is this

are you typing from some sort of stone age settlement?

OrmRenewed · 01/02/2010 11:35

I don't see how he was sticking up for his family though. Was the other driver threatening you or your child?

mrsruffallo · 01/02/2010 11:38

'what a pussy'
Nice that you get off on this, but I would find a man who laughed this off much more admirable

thesecondcoming · 01/02/2010 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tootiredtothink · 01/02/2010 12:02
Biscuit
Two4One · 01/02/2010 12:03

You silly woman. Do you cheer him on outside nightclubs when he's squaring up to the man who looked at him the wrong way too? I've never understood women who find violent/aggressive men attractive. Protecting you woud be removing you from dangerous situations, putting your safety and comfort first and his ego second.

It would take an awful, awful lot for my DH to become violent - not sure I've ever seen it actually. Thank God he has a brain instead. And he would never be so childish as to get caught up in road-rage.

As for your "what a pussy" comment - you sound like the very worst kind of gangster's moll. Were you raised on some sort of sink estate where thuggery equalled respect?

megapixels · 01/02/2010 13:23

You do sound rather silly OP. Are you listening to yourself? I don't get how you think that your dh has been all brave and manly here. He has NOT.

I think you're very naive to think that your dh is the sort that "can look after" you. From your post it sounds like he's the type who'd put his family in danger just to prove a point to a random on the street.

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 01/02/2010 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LeQueen · 01/02/2010 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BendyBob · 01/02/2010 13:43

ROFL at MP 'are you typing from some sort of stone age settlement?'...Er yes

'I could see things were kicking of...so I got out of there..' is more my theory on fighting.

It's not Gangs of New York you know.