Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to not let DD go to this swimming party...

124 replies

Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 17:01

because it states on the invite that I'll have to get in the water with her?

Invite is from a very nice little boy in her class, who is having a joint pool party with another little boy in the next class.

The Mums at school are generally a nice bunch but I really can't face getting my flabby bits out in front of them and being judged, as I undoubtedly will (as will all the other Mums). DH has already said he won't take her so what am I to do?

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 28/01/2010 18:15

Agree with SolidGold buuuuuut . . . parties are supposed to be a treat, aren't they? The parents hosting the party take their kids' friends out for a treat?

So the invitation is basically for you to take your own child swimming for free (presumably the adults don't have to pay?).

Personally I would prefer to take my DCs swimming at my own convenience and not at a particular date or time to suit someone else.

My experience of pool parties have been 8th birthday ones. A couple of Dads - including DH who is not the type to muck in - went in, and the mums sat in the seats watching and gossiping.

If I had been expected to get in the pool I would have pushed for a decline of the invitation, in the same way that I would be unwilling to participate in a "rock climbing party" my child had been invited to.

It's nothing to do with shyness on my part. My body has seen better days (and nights) but is no worse than many. It's just annoyance at the presumption by the hosts that adults will be prepared to give up two hours of their own precious weekend time doing something they may not enjoy so that their [the hosts'] DCs can have a particular type of party.

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/01/2010 18:20

I'm not pretending anything Crack!

Thats exactly what it would be for me. I am not fearful and insecure.

smallorange · 28/01/2010 18:22

I've got say DD1 went to one of these with DP and had the most brilliant time even though she is a non swimmer at the moment. Could you ask around and see if any couples are going who could supervise DD? You even sit by the side and help out with changing? Do you know any nice mummies who might take two if them in the pool if you offer to help out with other things?

Chandon · 28/01/2010 18:25

I think that if you feel so bad about your body it´s time to start doing something about it! Swimming is a good start

I have started swimming a few weeks ago in local pool, and have not seen ANY model like women, only flabby happy mums, flabby older ladies, and men with huge bellies, men with hair growing everywhere, women in all shapes and sizes....tis very enlightening and a good reminder of how normal people (not slebs or models) look.

I would go as it is such fun for kids, but then, I happily flaunt my flab and even wear a bikini. I am a mum of 2, I am 40, so waddaya expect to see, kate Moss???? Thought not.

am afraid that not going is a bit selfish.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/01/2010 18:29

I agree with you BalloonSlayer. My body is not bad, and I personally wouldn't stop my DCs from going to a party.

But I do kind of object to being made to go swimming

CantSupinate · 28/01/2010 18:30

Wow, I am surprised at this thread. There was a lovely swim party (whole-class invited) that DS1 attended years ago, it seemed at the time like nearly all the parents came in their pool with the kids and they brought their younger DC with them. Had a really nice party-like group-fun atmosphere.... or so I thought, lol.

I was just thinking today about whether DS2 might like a swim party for his birthday only I'd want parents to stay, and how should I phrase that request on invite....? Oh well, maybe put that idea aside for a few more years!

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 18:32

So I'm selfish then? OH well, so be it.

DD gets invites to lots of parties so she's not missing out.

FWIW, she can swim very well, mainly because she has lessons and I take her every week for a session too - so I do flash my wobbly bits, but in front of people I don't know. That's the difference for me. And I have no fear, I am a 34 year old woman who is proud of her body and what it's achieved, I would just rather not have to parade it in front of a lot of people I don't know very well.

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/01/2010 18:32

Cant - do you live in California ? If so, sounds great !

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 18:34

By BalloonSlayer
It's just annoyance at the presumption by the hosts that adults will be prepared to give up two hours of their own precious weekend time doing something they may not enjoy so that their [the hosts'] DCs can have a particular type of party.

But that could apply to any party, no? Like the hell hole that is soft play, for example.
Should parents take a quick vote on what type of party their own dcs should have? That's a bit of a bah humbug attitude imo.

CheerfulYank · 28/01/2010 18:36

Ughhhh...this is also my personal idea of hell. I would threaten DH with anything I could think of until he brought DS.

I put off putting DS in swim lessons this spring b/c of this exact reason, even though I knew he'd love it. I have got to get myself in some sort of shape so that I can take him in the fall.

Soojie · 28/01/2010 18:37

YABU!
Pool parties are great fun. Nobody will be looking at you. Show some enthusiasm and your DD will have a fab time! You might even enjoy it too.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 18:39

'The Mums at school are generally a nice bunch but I really can't face getting my flabby bits out in front of them and being judged, as I undoubtedly will'

Sorry, but this sounds like fear and insecurity to me.

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 18:39

Maybe a bit of insecurity, but definietly not fear.

OP posts:

Flightattendant · 28/01/2010 18:40

I think what is crucial to me here is how old the kids are.

If they are about 5 or 6 and it's pool regs, I'm not sure how much fun they will have if all the parents are in there too - surely a kids' party is them all mucking about together without individual accompaniment?

If they are 8-10 then I'd think it's a very silly rule.

However I might go if all else seemed like it might be fun for ds - it would take a little courage to expose my thighs but then I would prob do my usual trick of running as fast as possible to the pool so nobody sees them

CantSupinate · 28/01/2010 18:41

Nope, Jamie&torch, I live in Norfolk UK.

I live in a poxy small town... most the local moms I have already seen in the pool with their DC at the fun sessions, or they attend the local gym in skin tight clothes, so not many surprises at any prospective swim party, really.

I guess, come to think of it, you don't see many very large ladies in there. But average suit size is still 16 or 18 I'd reckon -- hardly a svelte lot are we.

BalloonSlayer · 28/01/2010 18:43

No it doesn't because after 5 years old parents are not expected to stay at parties, in fact are expected not to stay. Should you actually want to (speaking as parent of food allergic child who I thought I ought to supervise to save the hosts having to worry about him) you get looked at as if you are a neurotic loony. (Am, so not offended).

If this was a pre-school party I'd think fair enough. But it isn't.

And at least in soft play you get the chance to have a cup of coffee, vastly superior to wallowing around in a cold tank of piss and verrucas.

BalloonSlayer · 28/01/2010 18:45

Sorry that was to MoreCrackThanHarlem whoops

cat64 · 28/01/2010 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 19:07

At my local soft play the ball pool is a tank of piss and verrucas.
A human shit was found amongst the balls at one particular party

Angeliz · 28/01/2010 19:28

lol at 'human shit'. Sorry, bleurgh but it does sound funny.

deaddei · 28/01/2010 19:32

I'm with Eve- there are other parties, and my idea of hell is staying at a child's party especially half naked. Horrid.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 28/01/2010 19:34

'The Mums at school are generally a nice bunch but I really can't face getting my flabby bits out in front of them and being judged, as I undoubtedly will'

I agree with those who have said that I don't think this is reason enough to decline a party invitation for your kid. I have flabby bits a plenty but I would not let my own hang ups affect this. You've just got to show a bit of chutzpah and get on with it. IMHO.

Morloth · 28/01/2010 19:35

I couldn't care less who sees my flabby bits (and trust me when you lose the sort of fat I did, there are lots of them). But swimming is such a PITA here. I have really really long hair which has to be washed and dried afterwards and the boy is shivering and the floor is slippery and and and and I would decline the invite because I couldn't be arsed with it all.

cloelia · 28/01/2010 19:37

could you find a friendly teenager type to take with you who would get in the water while you watch from the side?

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 19:40

Problem solved! DDs Grandad (my lovely, funny, cheerful Dad, who also happens to be grandfather to 5 and excellent with kids of all ages) has offered to take her.

Will speak to the Mum organising it to see if it's okay first though, obv.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5