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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD go to this swimming party...

124 replies

Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 17:01

because it states on the invite that I'll have to get in the water with her?

Invite is from a very nice little boy in her class, who is having a joint pool party with another little boy in the next class.

The Mums at school are generally a nice bunch but I really can't face getting my flabby bits out in front of them and being judged, as I undoubtedly will (as will all the other Mums). DH has already said he won't take her so what am I to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 17:17

No, the two little boys were in the same class as each other and my DD last year (year 1 now). But I know that lots of others have been invited from both classes.

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 28/01/2010 17:18

I wouldn't hold a pool party myself until DC were old enough to not need lots of adults in the pool but I would go if DS or DD were invited to one.

My figure isn't great but I think as I go swimming with DD once a week I have got immune to worrying. And there is a good variety of body shape there.

ZZZenAgain · 28/01/2010 17:20

would you consider hiring a babysitter to go with her if she is really keen?

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2010 17:31

yab a tad u - its a shame for your child to miss going to a party

sure all other mums feel the same - why cant/wont dh do it - have you spoken to the other mums, are their oh's going? MAYBE ALL THE DADS CAN GET IN THE WATER!!

on the otherhand, its the parents fault of the party child, you say yes to partys to get rid of your child for 2hrs not to have to go and get wet

i was hired a few years go through an agency for a party like this - there were 8 of us with 24 chilren - 3per adult so to speak - i did it with a group of friends and all the mums stayed in coffee shop

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 17:32

Dd had a pool party and every parent was happy to come providing I could get enough people to supervise ie not them

I'm not very body confident in a costume but I think if you are so hung up on body shape it stops you from taking part in stuff with your kids, then it's time to do something about it, tbh.

Don't any of you go on holiday? What do you do then?

Op yabu.

TrillianAstra · 28/01/2010 17:34

Why is it okay for dads to go swimming but not mums?

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2010 17:36

on holidays, you dont know anyone, so you can parade half naked knowing you will never see them again in 2 weeks time

mice · 28/01/2010 17:36

My children are older now - but have had plenty of swimming parties over the years - and I can say from experience it is almost always Dad's that take to these. Mum's no matter what shape or size don't feel very confident about it - tis one of those things!

fernie3 · 28/01/2010 17:36

I would probably go but I go with my baby anyway (I look awful in the pool I am size 16 but have a huge flabby tummy!) I tend to ignore it though - I had no idea so many people were afraid of being seen in swimming clothes!. My SIL wears a big t shirt over hers to cover her up more maybe you could do that?
would be a shame to miss the party seriously no one has ever looked funny at me even when I have been hugely pregnant on top of everything else!

woodyandbuzz · 28/01/2010 17:39

I think it's a shame to miss the party. Could you consider getting in the water sligthly in advance so that nobody sees you on the poolside? I wouldn't feel confident about it, but I wouldn't let it stop me doing it. I have no tits whatsoever, but a great big fat bum and a baby belly.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/01/2010 17:40

Trillian

In my case - DH likes swimming more than I do, and I really don't want people I see every day in the playground see me in a cossie.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 17:43

Unless you're all walking round in giant kaftans everyone knows how fat/skinny/flabby/wobbly you are anyhow imo

No ones gonna be like 'ooh look at Julie all this time I was thinking she was a size 8 and now in a costume I can miraculously see she's actually a size 20'

QandA · 28/01/2010 17:50

Morecrack

If you don't want to, then don't. It is a party, not some life or death situation for your DC. You are entitled to choose if you want to or not, yes it means your DD will miss out, but it is not the end of the world for her.

hocuspontas · 28/01/2010 17:50

YANBU. If dp hadn't been forced volunteered to go then the dds wouldn't have gone to any of them.

Apart from the hard-core group of mum friends it's all dads IME. You just have to sell it like it's a treat for him not two hours of hell.

mummyofexcitedprincesses · 28/01/2010 17:56

Have any of your friends got a teenage daughter who could take her?

girlsyearapart · 28/01/2010 17:58

having worked at leisure centres most of my adult life I can safely say that most parents at pool parties end up sitting on the step not parading at all. Put a pair of shorts on over your cossie. Take a towel/dressing gown/zip up sweatshirt to poolside until last minute.

The other Mums won't be looking at you they'll be too busy worrying about their own bodies.

If your description is correct then the Dads will prob only be more impressed with you than before in view of the boobage

As for your Dh 8 STONE wow! good for him.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/01/2010 17:58

Sorry but adult women stopping their DC from going to parties because they are self-conscious? Get the fuck over yourselves. THink what a horrible message you are sending your DD - that unless you look 'perfect' you are not allowed to have fun.

Original poster
Eve4Walle · 28/01/2010 18:04

Solid - she's not geting any message. hatever hangups about my own body I have stay private. I was Bulimic in my teens and early twenties and I'd hate for DD to become the same.

As a result, I have always been very careful never to comment on my weight or looks in her earshot.

OP posts:
QandA · 28/01/2010 18:05

Good point, badly made SGB.

The thing is though, that someone's perception of themselves and self esteem is not going to change overnight and simply telling them to 'get the fuck over themselves' really isn't helpful.

Yes, the message being sent to the DD would need to be handled well, though that is not difficult. But, the Op still has the right to choose if she wants to take her DD. Going to a party is not a basic human right.

blowbroth · 28/01/2010 18:06

When my dd was in yr1 she had a similar invite. The parents at the school are all quite stylish with trendy clothes, slim figures etc. and there's me , a size 20/22.
I had no hesitation to offer to go into the pool to help out and on the day it felt great to be playing around with the children whilst all the other mums were sat poolside in their designer garb! It is a bit unfair if your dd can't go because of your hangups. What message is that sending out to her?

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/01/2010 18:07

SGB: I prefer to think that my children would be getting the message that sometimes their mother has the right to veto an idea just because she doesn't want to do it and that, no, her entire life does not revolve around facilitating taking them to birthday parties, and missing one certainly won't harm because they get taken to about 40 parties between them each every year .

They are kids. We should not bend over backwards for them for every little thing, imo.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 18:08

Blowbroth you're fab

ruddynorah · 28/01/2010 18:08

get new cossie.
get in the pool.
it will do you the world of good.

blowbroth · 28/01/2010 18:13

Thanks MoreCrack, don't you mean 'fat'?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 28/01/2010 18:15

Getting in a swimming pool is hardly bending over backwards though, is it?

Don't pretend it's about teaching a life lesson and showing the dcs they can't have everything they want when it's clearly about fear and insecurity on the part of the parent.