(Dear IPOATthe Fourth, that a happy ending is altogether unlikely?

[Hullygully]

Or not?

Err, ladies, did we not discover earlier that Father Brown is NOT entitled to perform marriages in this country? If so, then we are surely still maidens!

I have had a couple of applicants for the post of White Knight on fiery steed: This young man shows potential, but I feel he may lack experience
This gentleman has a mighty lance, and is also well qualified in Brooding
This fellow wields a mighty sword
But perhaps two swords are better than one?
Just to assess his credentials in more detail

Mimi - we may be unmarried, but I fancy we are not maidens, not even Hully!

Plus, I am fairly certain I need rescuing. Yes indeed. Although the Sheikh could rescue me from himself, I think, that would be acceptable.

Oh, the maiden thing can be fixed pdq by a marvellous doctor I know on Harley Street....

Oh lord, I just saw them all assembled in the Library! They are members of the notorious Hellfire Club!

Is that you in there with them? Have you inveigled them into believing you are a loose woman, in order to covertly observe their actions?

Yes indeed, my past as a spy for Napoleon has paid of, n'est-ce pas?

Oh the distress! To think such fine looking gentlemen are nothing more than dissolute libertines!

And to think we sort of married them!

I am beginning to think MsMary is so right....

I suggest we make a large net of tatting, lure them into the grounds and capture them, before making our escape (I believe the Sheik is not part of this conspiracy, being a furriner and all that, perhaps he would aid our escape on his camels?

I have tatted you a disguise, to aid your penetration of their inner circles
I do believe the Sheikh probably has enough camels for all of us, but to where would we escape? Could we not trap them and enslave them for our own uses?

Hmm. Yes. 'Tis a tad wearying this gallivanting around...perhaps we could lock them in the cellar? Or the attic with Bertha?

(love the disguise, btw, very fetching)

Hmmmm, definitely the cellar. Or rather, the dungeon. We could get the local smith to make us some manacles and some chains, and then perhaps we could turn our tatting skills to leatherwork instead and....

At least if they were in the cellar they would have a chance to repent (if we needed them again).

Has the Sheik been introducing you to pagan foreign practices, chere Madame Umami?

ladies, ladies! It is very well to attend to your fine beau and tatting but the spring clean needs our attention. Alas I have booked some time away to fix my plumbing and must leave you to attend to it between you.
I recognise that for many of you , your skills lay in other aresa so I have searched for some help
Griselda here is a willing sort and most reliable but requires a firm hand whilst Ingrid is less reliable but is very friendly and brings with her plenty of Maiden Juice I fear however she may be a little forward for our taste.

So, chose thy wench and I shall see the party again soon. Please try not to become too filthy in my brief absence

We shall miss you darling Pag and eagerly await you return!

Perchance we will be rescued when you get back...I think we could use Ingrid to distract the men

we can give her a hoist up over the park walls...

one two three!...

I feel so soiled and betrayed..I have done my best to play my wifely part, I spent all afternoon tatting this for the Great Hall, and now I discover I have married a libertine!

Fie on them. Fie on them all. To the cellar with them and manacle the lot.

Alas I believe we are truly married as it was the Padre that married us falsely ere now, not Father Brown (wasn't it? So hard to keep it all straight..).

Let us unravel my tatting and use it for the net to capture them. The cads, bounders and scoundrels.

Oh, Mimi, did the lad sing well in yonder pageant?

Oh, my dear Duke, a moment of your time! What's that? I may call you Avon? So kind! Well, Avon, I wonder if you might render me some assistance? I need to get an extra large bale of yarn from the dun...ahem, the cellar, for we have tatted so much between us we have clean run out!

Foolishly, we have given all the menservants the evening off for to, errrm, visit their mothers, yes, and I am afraid that none of we ladies are strong enough to lift it, and there are so many stairs. Plus I am sorry to own it, but I am a little afraid of the cellar! A silly feminine fancy, I know, but such are the weaknesses of women!

What ho, my friends! meet Citizen Desmoulins. He is an exfpert at diffent and has come over from Paris (in a barrel) to...ah...help me with some tricky translations for my pamphlets this evening

We have amassed a cache of weaponry and secreted it in the yak stable. The men never go there (they are somewhat afeard of the yak and its smouldering brow)- if you need it before I return please do not hesitate to avail yourselves of it!

I mat be busy this evening but will essay to drop by if there's nowt on telly if my writing arm becomes stiff and aguey

..if you see the man who persists in calling himself my husband I beg of you, my sisters- cover me

ah, bollocks

Ah, the Wolf Moon rises! A portent that our endeavours tonight will be successful!

Worry not MsMary, I have distracted him with my bosoms and he will shortly be manacled in the dungeon! I have accomplices (I hope) waiting down there to shackle him!

I don't think it's fair. Why do I have to be the one waiting down here with the spiders and mice? I suppose they had a point, I did marry everyone off rather hastily, but I am repenting at leisure, I just wish it didn't have to be such dark and cobwebby leisure.

What was that? I swear there was movement in the corner! Oh! Tis insupportable for a poor maiden such as I. Is anybody there?

Aha, tis you, M Desmoulins, sent ahead by thoughtful Ms Mary to aid us in our manacling.

You look tres fatigued and they may be some time, would you care to rest your weary head upon my ample embonpoint?

That's it Avon, down to the bottom, I'm following with the candle.....now just round to your right......that's it, along past those large barrels.....

Ah, my dear Ambassador, I am so glad I found you! We have exhausted our current platter of golden balls and have none left for the gentlemen to take with their port. I wonder, would you accompany me to the cellar to cellar to replenish our supplies? I have ordered Cook to have them kept down there where it is cool. I would go alone, but I am afraid my rather frail and delicate arms have not the strength to lift a fully laden charger of the gilded confections.

I have enlisted the help of Mr and Mrs Ploppy to guard them once they are secure

(I do so love that episode of Blackadder)

Darling Hully, you are being very brave and the Widow and MsMary are doing a splendid job of ensuring the fate of the men.

I am all at once trepidly excited and it feels good ladies!