(Dear IPOATthe Fourth, that a happy ending is altogether unlikely?

[Hullygully]

Or not?

Oh, not now, dear boy. Join me in a snifter of brandy by yonder tree while the ladies decide whether they want to be rescued or not.

There is something a touch familiar about this rogue. And he has a most unusual accent for a Hounslow Highwayman.

Hands off my beard, wench, only one heathen lady has the right to caress me so...

pork sword?

Good grief, you'll be saying gash next.

The softness of that beard, so silky, and fragranced with exotic musk....

And his skin is remarkably dark and luminous, smooth and warm to the touch, not at all like the usual pockmarked blackguards who haunt this area....

That voice, so changed since first he attacked our coach, then so rough but now so rich and melodic....and yet he is so uncouth.

I am but employing the base habits of your countrymen as I travel incognito in search of My beloved Umami and adventure...

At last I have found her!

Oh very well.

Ah. He'll have to be schizophrenic.

My darling D'jbouti, I knew you would come! Even after a day and a night in this frigid cave, the sight of you makes my flesh warm and yielding, my cold muscles are warmed by your ardour, my stiff joints soothed by your touch.

I see I was mistook, tis in fact the Sheik. Well, he'll do as a rescuer as well as the next man. Withdraw your sword and put the Widow down. I must hie me to my destiny.

Oh dear.

This is no time to be whispering endearments, Widow, Come! To the coach!

Methinks Mme Hully is having a strange hallucinatory moment leave go of my luxurious beard, you strange wench with delusions of grandeur!

My Umumi!

My camels await to take you all the short way to London, come, come before the brigands return and block your escape!...

My love, a small boon, if you will. Please address dear Hully as you would a Princess - it does not pay to disabuse her at this time.

(It's too horrid, isn't it? I have overstepped. Apologies, was hurrying.)

I fear I am suffering from ill health. I have no idea who anyone is or what is happening.

I may journey to India and partake in a yoga retreat to cleanse my mind, body and spirit. I feel I shall return a wiser woman and may even write a guru book...yes, tis a splendid idea and I am off to pack!

Hully is illegitimate daughter of the King, and therefore the Prince Regent's half-sister. This has gone to her head, she believes she is soon to be Queen, and we were on our way to London to visit the Palace when, in some remarkably confusing plot twists, the Sheikh dressed up as a highwayman in order to kidnap us and then rescue us from himself. I think.

But India sounds like an excellent idea!

Maybe we could aid Hully in her claim to her heritage then high tail it to India to discover ourselves?

When I am in my rightful thronely place, I shall dispatch ships to India and bring back treasure and jewelled elephants to set about my palace. I shall bring fine yogis and those naked men that wander about covered in ash, oh yes, saddhus, and I shell have burning pyres and incense and rajahs galore.

So there.

What is that Widow doing? Hasn't she finished with the Sheik? And where is little Nigel?

Nigel is with me getting some practice in

I must say Hully, you have your Queenly demanding air mastered to a tee