to feel pity for the mum who killed her kids?

[littlestmummystop]

Obviously it is an unforgivable thing to do..

But sometimes when I see these parent kills kids stories, part of me nods and thinks: There for the Grace of God.

I've never been in the position where I've wanted to do something so terrible. But I have been involved in a horrible, bitter break up, been stuck in the house with a screaming child, been driven to the edge of my sanity by all the responsibility and depressive feelings...

I can see why someone, who IS of a deranged mind, who doesn't have any support can do this.

She'll get villified now and all she needed was help. Those kids were obviously well cared for, for years beforehand. When a good mum turns bad something has gone horribly wrong and it's a shame more people don't help in these situations.

Funny how when it is a mother who murders her children we are supposed to feel pity for her cause she is depressed but when a father does it everyone says what a c**t.

Mad/bad what ever she is a murderer and sick in the head (not depressed).

The only pity I feel is for those poor children murdered by the person they trusted to protect them.

Hope they throw away the key

My daughter died. The person who wrote that you'd rather die 1000 deaths yourself than see your child dead.. So true. Horrific.
I have also suffered from severe depression/anxiety/anorexia (years ago, more than a few stays at the priory) and have come exceptionally close to death myself and have come very close to 'successful' suicide

Never, ever, ever would I kill anyone else.

I can understand (when someone is not of sound mind or is severely depressed or otherwise detached from life and reality and feelings) that suicide seems to be a solution. I can understand feeling like your kids are better off without you, leaving them somewhere safe. I can understand making sure your kids are safe and then killing yourself. I can almost understand wanting to punish someone else, eg ex-H, by killing yourself. What is never understandable is killing your children. Having been in the position of having a child die, I am so when I hear these stories in the news. So very sad*.

NB I wouldn't advocate killing yourself either!!!

I feel sadness for her (followed by horror and anger) but not pity

I would have pity for someone who had say a schizophrenbic disorder that sapped their grasp of reality into nothing. I don't see how that can not be a defence in terms of fault- not an excuse and mentally ill people who kill need to be in secure units for ther est of their lives, but it does IMO vary from cases where someone does something for revenge,from jealousy, or in fact in any way in which they in control of their actions and have a concept of boundary.

There is no parole from Schizophrenia so it doesn't necessrily equate getting away with it as some peopleseem to think- but I would absolutely feel sympathy with someone in that position, yes.

Suicide reasons vary,I know of cases where it is revenge,Dh tried it becuase in his illnes he ahd beleif that he was such a bad eprson to be around that we would be better of without him but he couldnt bear tolive without us. Bizarre, warped and sick it might be but it was in context an attempted act of kindness.

Peachy, very thought provoking and I agree. Usually fathers kill out of bitterness and anger, mothers who kill their own children have more complex reasons that are, more often than not, linked to mental illness. PND is, after all, a defense for infanticide.

No pity here. I have also been through a lot of trauma and depression/anxiety issues in the past and my first thought is always that my kids WILL have a better life than me. Thinking they would be better off dead is selfish and unforgivable.

I am assuming she tried to commit suicide to get back at her husband (maybe her H still lives in that house and she wanted him to find them) but could not do it and panicked. She should have tried harder . IMHO anyone who kills their kids and stays alive themselves is EVIL not mental.

Sorry, no sympathy here.

She put her babies bodies in holdalls. Surely a sign that she knew what she was doing and was going to try and get away with it, no?

I agree with what other have said, lots of us have trauma in our lives but we deal with it. We don'tkill our children when things get a bit bad. She probably did need help that she didn't get, but you can say that about so many people and there's only so much help the authorities can give.

I am not saying thiswoman had mh, just debating it generally

YABU

I'm with Kerry Mumbeles. This ''woman'' finds it within herself to kill her children (her own flesh and blood), but is somehow unable to kill herself !!

I feel enormous sadness for anyone who commits such an horrific act through mental illness. That is if she is unwell of course.

YABU- I think that she could have gone to get help.

I saw the story and the photos and felt so sad. She could be a mumsnetter.
those poor little darlings.
We can't speculate on what happened.

But I have kbnown someone with severe post-natal psychosis. She wanted to kill her baby to 'protect' her from monsters which she saw everywhere. Luckily a tiny bit of normality and reason made her wrap her child up and put her in the garden and then she rang her parents
Not evil, just horribly unwell.

I am sure that it's a very small minority of women who kill their own children and are not mentally ill.
When I read this in the paper today, my first thought was "poor woman, she must be very ill to do this".

i dont think she knew what she was doing.

it is so so sad

She wasn't trying to 'get away with it'. She walked into a police station and told them what she had done. Poor woman. How desperate must she have been? She'll live with this forever and I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear later that she tries to/succeeds in taking her own life.

I really hope the courts help her not punish her.

I can't muster any sympathy at the moment. If it was actual psychosis then although I wouldn't hate her for it I'd still have more sympathy for the babies. And her 2 teenagers. What a shock to them.
The double standards may be because a lot of murder suicides are perpetrated by men during custody disputes. Funny that

"Many women abuse their children, in all sorts of different ways, including sexual.

Many men are caring loving and protective parents."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Its just the percentage of men who are abusive versus the percentage of women. Men are hugely more likely to be batterers / paedolphiles / violent. Sad but true.

Yeah a lot of people fall for the "women are just as violent" crap. This was started by journalists from mens magazines in an attempt to squash the efforts of feminists to highlight the widespread abuse and rape of women.

I remember reading in the Guardian about a soldier who was traumatised by his time in Iraq or Afghanistan. He became severely depressed and considered taking his life.He said that then he understood the people killing their kids because you think that you can't go on living but if you kill just yourself then you leave the kids behind to live with the pain of losing a parent.
Wasn't this woman trying to slash her wrists or something afterwards?

I can have sympathy and pity for her, stresses and strains and all, right up to the moment she didn't ask for help (in any way possible) and decided instead to kill her children.

There can be no excuse for that. It goes against all civilisation

People can be so mentally unwell that they are unable to ask for 'help'- and MH services make mistakes- many people go under the radar and go onto commit horrendous crimes against others.

If she is unwell then I hope that she gets the care and treatment that she needs.
Its very rare for a woman to do something like this without some degree of Mental illness.

Some people can't ask for help because they are so mentally ill they don't recognise that they are ill.

They are beyond reason and they have lost touch with reality.

You can't say you have no sympathy because they didn't ask for help.

Oh yes, let's stick up for the woman who murdered her own children.

I feel pity for the murdered children.

Of course I feel bloody pity for her poor children. Im not heartless. Its awful and tragic, utterly tragic. All the more so if she was unwell at the time.

Anyone can get a mental illness..

Hitler had a mental illness, so going by your logic tiredemma we should forgive him.