to feel pity for the mum who killed her kids?

[littlestmummystop]

Obviously it is an unforgivable thing to do..

But sometimes when I see these parent kills kids stories, part of me nods and thinks: There for the Grace of God.

I've never been in the position where I've wanted to do something so terrible. But I have been involved in a horrible, bitter break up, been stuck in the house with a screaming child, been driven to the edge of my sanity by all the responsibility and depressive feelings...

I can see why someone, who IS of a deranged mind, who doesn't have any support can do this.

She'll get villified now and all she needed was help. Those kids were obviously well cared for, for years beforehand. When a good mum turns bad something has gone horribly wrong and it's a shame more people don't help in these situations.

YANBU - the rational part of me thinks like you but there is still a raging howling part deep inside me that hates her for it!

But kerry "there is a special place in hell for women like this ", I suspect she is there already

I read in the paper this morning that she had previously lost a baby to SIDS, so presume she was suffering mentally.
She went to the police and admitted it, which indicates she knew she had done wrong.

I have just reread your post TDH I didn't see your bit about double standards I was at the link I had posted.

I think it's impossible to comment without knowing the full facts. And as 'we' won't ever know the full facts, it's easy to believe that she is worthy of sympathy or that she is the devil incarnate. Whatever has happened, it's another family devastated, 2 little lives cut short and I don't think it's particularly helpful to assume knowledge and apportion blame or berate others for showing sympathy.

there must be something wrong with her as all the reports so far all state that she is on hospital, rather than being held in custody.

I am reserving judgement on this. without the facts we know nothing as to whehter she really did kill them even yet. latest update that I read was that they had been dead for a while........

Oh I see.

I've been plagued with major, severe PND for nigh on 7 years now.

i just don't get people who kill their children. i really don't.

many a time, i'd have gladly topped myself, jumped on a plane and run away, disappeared, etc.

but never ever my kids.

no way, no how.

i can hardly stand taking them for jabs! DH does it where possible (re-arranges shifts).

about the only one i could truly feel pity for was andrea yates. a paranoid schizophrenic manipulated by her husband. my mother put it perfectly: he's the one who should have been on trial, not her. she was truly insane, her psychosis getting worse and worse with each child, but under the control of an ultra religious husband who refused to use contraception, let her use it, forced her to stay home with the kids, and didn't like her taking her meds because then she couldn't look after the children.

Just wanted to make point that if someone, who has previously cared for a child v well, then kills them MUST need some serious psychiatric help... whether they are a man or woman and more should be done to recognise this- either family or friends, or teachers etc.

It's hardwork caring for children and takes a lot of love, patience etc and to care for them for years and years and then kill them...well surely there are some signs...

I'm not condoning killing. I am saying I wish there was more help, more places people could turn to during these terrible times of families splitting up etc.

yates was later found not guilty by reason of insanity and is now in a state mental institution, probably for life.

Expat - That is exactly how I felt about that case. Although there were countless other people around her who failed her and her children too.

"i do believe that she was probably mentally ill and under great stress."

point is when a man does this and is mentally ill and under great stress he's evil and there's "no excuse"

Way too early to comment IMO.

'Although there were countless other people around her who failed her and her children too.'

Oh, many!

Mere days before murdering her children, because God and the colour Blue had told her to, she'd been realised from yet another psychiatric unit because her husband's insurer refused to pay.

And he failed to say he'd pay out of pocket.

Because of course, he needed her to stay home with all those kids.

She had a psychiatric record a mile long.

She should never have been left in charge of any child, especially as he was forbidding her to take her medication.

YABU
No excuse

so she tried to kill herself - just like many of the men who do things like this - but they're considered to be sane and just evil and heartless.

I do think there's a large degree of double standards on cases like this, not just on MN, but among the general public as well.

re. the double standards things. it is natural to place oneself in the scenario i.e. man does it and we empathise with the mother, woman does it and we empathise with the mother.

It's this whole "mummies must be nice but daddies can be horrible" thing, it is a huge double standard, and means that as a society we fail to notice things.

Many women abuse their children, in all sorts of different ways, including sexual.

Many men are caring loving and protective parents.

People can develop mental illness whatever their gender.

Of course some people are just horrible/evil etc, but women can be like this too.

I've been very depressed. I don't empathise with anyone who kills their child. I felt sorry for Yates, because she was so fecking obviously insane.

But that's the extent of it.

I don't get people who kill their kids or anyone else's.

For any reason.

Without knowing all the background about this family I can't honestly pass any judgement on the woman herself. All I know is I feel literally gutted for her poor babies.

Also I agree with expat - the Andrea Yates case was exceptional in so many ways. The ultra-religious preacher her husband insisted they followed the word of is truly unbelievable. Some of the vile teachings this man was spouting about were just plain evil.

I don't know enough from what I've read online/papers to know if YABU. More factual information is needed imo.

Agree with ImSoNotTelling's post.

I don't know. I want to feel sympathy but if this was because she was somehow trying to get at her ex then I think it's just too awful.