To think being a Single Mum can be a good thing?

[WashwithCare]

More state benefits.

25% off your council tax.

No man-pong socks to wash.

Childfree weekends to have fantastic hotel-sex with your luvver.

VT, I'm not even that bothered about the hotel. After this long just sex would be nice.

I'm not sure if I fancy you, vinegartits (though no idea if jujusdad is BRad pitt or the pits, still he's probably the right sex at least)

There are good things yes;

Freedom
No abuse
You can call the shots re childcare etc.
Peace and quiet
Gain strength through independance
You take all the credit/flack for your kids achievements.

But there are plenty of pants things too;

Not having much/any sex being one of them.

It's so not the easy option.

WWC - don't you think perhaps that one of the reasons why your DH is a "super-high earner" [curious expression, by the way, makes you sound like a 12 year old American girl] is because he works exceedingly hard and is wedded to his career.

I am not, by the way, saying that people on average incomes aren't working hard too.

Maybe your next husband should be privately wealthy and therefore able to indulge your need for even more domestic help.

Right, off to feed my little munchkin.

It seems to me that the sort of single mother who exists on benefits is unlikely to be the sort that swans off to hotels for dirty weekends with her lover.

I can afford the weekend but for some weird reason I find it rather difficult to get out and meet people. Oh yes, that's because I'm a full time single mother.

WWC - on the basis you can afford domestic help, why not find a massage therapist?

May I suggest you get one who is MTI qualified?

Shiney & Kewcumber, . You know (or at least Shiney does) that I'm a sucker for MN flirtation. [attempts and fails at coy face]

If either of you are willing to provide a refresher course, I'll make sure the cobwebs have been scrubbed off before I get there...

INteresting point about it being harder with more than one DC. I only have the one myself and there won't be any more (memo to self, no there won't) and can see, now I think about it, that there would be advantages to having another adult there when DC1 is having a crisis and so is DC2 and both need immediate attention - but then that must happen to pairbonded parents sometimes when the other parent is at work/having self-time/flat out with food poisoning.

fucksake!...what works for you i suppose but i know i would hate it..do you really think it was better single?..pongy socks aside?..maybe when you marry a man whos never there you feel like a single parent in turn you feel to may as well be one?

at "pairbonded parents"

My take on the whole thing would be that it's great to be rid of a twatty partner; lovely to be happy on your own- if hard work sometimes; and fantastic to be able to share the load a bit with a warm bed partner who is happy to lend a hand.

But ultimately we make our own happiness by our choices.

Child free time??? What's this?

By EMEC Wed 27-Jan-10 23:06:48
WWC - don't you think perhaps that one of the reasons why your DH is a "super-high earner" [curious expression, by the way, makes you sound like a 12 year old American girl] is because he works exceedingly hard and is wedded to his career.

I am not, by the way, saying that people on average incomes aren't working hard too.

I think times are tough and lots of people are working long hours atm. Most of my married mum friends dn't seem to get that much help with the kids, whatever their income...

By BelleDeChocolateFluffyBun... Thu 28-Jan-10 01:20:22
Child free time??? What's this?

Assuming you have a supportive ex, I mean...

The thing is, if you're separated, Dad seems to take all the kids off for a while - sometimes a whole day, sometimes a weekend... So Dad becomes Mum, iyswim - total responsiblity, must cook his own chicken nuggets, deal with peed bed...

So Mum has the opportunity to have fab dinner with handsome colleage from work and and dirty hotel sex.. or day at spa.. ok, I know it doesn't always happen like htat... but there is the chance ...

If you're still pair-bonded (ooh... I love that phrase) you get a rather different deal. Dad hovers on the edge being helpful at weekend... he may take LOs out to dance lesson (so enough time to cut toe nails, rather than spa, or to clean the fridge) - mum still cooks dinner for everyone, and will inevitably end up dealing with sick child vomiting all over themsleves if the need arises... At the end of the day, parents will fall into non-hotel bed, too knackered to shag....

Or am I being a grump?

WWC - Maybe that's just your friends. Most of the women I'm friends with, with a couple of exceptions, think their husbands do a lot to help with the kids. Mine certainly does. Question though, with only one child and a nanay, why would you need any more help with your child???? Agree that your DH has a responsibility to be a parent as well, but that's different from a need that you might have.

Ha!...we get lots of Hotel Sex and we are married...its all about what you want/accept in life...and a decent man especially if he a super high earner and you have a nanny would be happy for you to go to the spa or lunch/dinner (without handsome colleague of course unless that how you both swing)

So what you're saying OP that it's best to bag a man with money than be a single Mum living the high life, supported by the state?

So let's see, you're now having a go at single Mums? Honestly if you were going to be soooo consumed with your DH's ex why didn't you marry her?

Oh yes being a single Mum can be a very good thing...

I don't tip toe around the house when my Ex has been drinking.

Or have to take them for walks in the rain because he is drinking and in a mood.

My son doesn't have violent rages anymore.

My DD doesn't make dens to hide from the shouting anymore, she does it for fun. And she doesn't go into a blind panic if she thinks she's 'in trouble'.

I sleep through the night in my bed, not on the sofa because of drunken snoring.

I laugh.

My DS does the man pong sock thing..

Benafits....Yes for now, I am not sure how to get out of it (I am self employed but I would defy anyone to live off my income alone)

Sex....ROFL...hadn't thought of doing the hotel thing but thanks for the tip...
I have a friend who is single who has a 'sunday' man...... right now I could handle that...Rofl... should I start interviewing candidates?

P.s The 'lemon chicken' thing and JuJu's Dad has me intrigued shiney, have come across it before..

By TheBossofMe Thu 28-Jan-10 09:28:10
WWC - Maybe that's just your friends. Most of the women I'm friends with, with a couple of exceptions, think their husbands do a lot to help with the kids. Mine certainly does. Question though, with only one child and a nanay, why would you need any more help with your child???? Agree that your DH has a responsibility to be a parent as well, but that's different from a need that you might have.

hmm... I think it is an odd situation as DH is not DD's dad.. but my nanny is only here when I am at work, so it is no different to having any other form of childcare, e.g. day nursery or childminder... (though she does do DD's laundry to be fair)...

Nanny is only here 10 hours a day.... my experience of other working mums is that DHs assume that it is Mum who does the pick ups... and if DH has a work crisis, assumes that he can stay... if nanny is ill, it is usually mum who stays at home...

I still have a busy job and am heavily pg, so if I want a lie in or time to myself, it's down to DH or DD's Dadreally, as have no family near by. If DH takes over, it is limited half-hearted help for an hour or so, where as separated dad will take children off and properly take over... that's all I'm saying....

Lordy Jujusdad - I have forgotten how to flirt (if I ever knew). Can't we just head straight for the hotel sex? If not, vinegartits, you'll have to do.

By Mumcentreplus Thu 28-Jan-10 09:34:19
Ha!...we get lots of Hotel Sex and we are married...its all about what you want/accept in life...and a decent man especially if he a super high earner and you have a nanny would be happy for you to go to the spa or lunch/dinner (without handsome colleague of course unless that how you both swing)

What do you do with your children while you're off having hotel sex?

I could go to the spa on a nanny day, if I could get the time off work... but most of my mates would probably go on a weekend, and there is no way I would leave DD with DH all day... don't think that would be fair on him tbh

Not sure any of my bereaved friends or family would agree.

Mind you, your DH doesn't sound as if he really embraces family life so in your circumstances, I'd probably got for single parenthood.

Im a single mum to 1 dd but with twins on the way. Yay im gonna get more money that will totally make up for the fact that my house is a mess cos im too sick to move most of the time and dont have any help what so ever. Oh and exh takes dd once a fortnight. that lets me catch up on sleep and possibly housework. Let me think what else. Oh yes as soon as i have the twins ill be right out there trying to bag myself a nice guy. Damn i wont have time because i will be a single mum to 3.
WWC i bet your so jealous and really would love to swap with me

VT...I fancy you a little but have have a little crush on your alter ego..

About to overreact to this thread but then realised perhaps WWC is really considering becoming a single parent.

If so then consider the following advantages:
Leaving the house clean and returning to it clean
Having lots of one on one time with kid/s
Not having to deal with an inadequate partner
Not having to feel like a 'nag'
Having one rule at home - that being your rule
Being able to chill out in the eve watching what you want to on the box
Wearing what you like
Having the occasional snog/date

And the following disadvantages:
Loneliness
Missing adult company
Missing sex/companionship
Getting worn out with being the only carer 24/7
Missing your once a week lie-in. That won't happen again. Ever.
Never being able to sit down / eat a full meal / watch telly until your kid is asleep
Having to carry on working even if you are sick because you can't afford to take a day off.
Having to put up with people saying you are having an easy ride
Having to put up with a lazy ex who gets quality time with the kids and NEVER says thanks when he knows damn well how hard your life probably is.

Weigh it up. If your current hubby is a complete loser and not very nice to you n kid/s then leave him, but it won't be easy that's for sure.