To think being a Single Mum can be a good thing?

[WashwithCare]

More state benefits.

25% off your council tax.

No man-pong socks to wash.

Childfree weekends to have fantastic hotel-sex with your luvver.

By NewLeaseofLife Wed 27-Jan-10 21:10:22
WWC - Just checking...I keep coming across them and posting only to hear shouts of Troll.
I also seem to kill threads a lot but really am happy to have a healthy debate if this is for real.
Honestly, despite the hard work that is involved I do enjoy being single. It really has been an eye opener fr me. I have relised I can do it on my own and am so proud of every achievement. I think it would be a differant story if I didnt get the time out though. I am very lucky that i get that.

No problem!

I never got time out as a single mum, as although Dad has contact, I thought we would eventually build up to over-nights (we weren't together at all really as a couple) but DD is a bit of mummy's girl, and we still haven't built up to a night with Dad!

But I think there were lots of advantages - although you have all the responsbility, you also get all the choices.

I also didn't find I was lonely at all. We used to spend time with other mums, or go out with a group of friends.

People also seemed to feel I deserved and needed time out to socialise with girlfriends - and would offer to babysit in shedloads, so I didn't stay at home and get depressed...

The ironic thing is my social life is worse now I have a DH - he isn't sitting here rubbing my feet - he's off in the study working - and he only came home at 7.30 - just in time to kiss DD good night!

its nowhere near the same as a married mum!! and you know it! nobody to pick up milk on the way home,nobody who would be there,work or not,in an emergency,nobody to talk to at 8pm when he DOES come home.....you know all this.

Reading 2 of your threads hardly counts as "stalking" dear.

I would agree though, that being a single mum is better than being a mum in a bad marriage with no help IME.

By smokinaces Wed 27-Jan-10 21:14:02

If i were parenting the children 24/7 on my own whilst being married I would be married to the wrong man.

My observation is that most Mums run the house, so
I end making friends and getting to know all the mums at the school gates - DH might occassionally pick her up...
I will plan all the meals, order the shopping and know everythign she will eat - DH may ocassionally make a bacon buttie,
I will work out swimmign lessons are a good idea, find a course and book them, DH will take her on the odd Sunday and so on...

I dont' know, perhaps I've married the wrong man - but I think a lot of men are like this...

What I have noticed is, that since I've been married, single friends who would have dropped in for a wine and chat, now don't bother... perhaps they think they would be invading couple-space...

WWC - you constantly leave me a little bemused but I do like your style!

25% off council tax is for all single occupiers - not just single parents so that's not really a benefit of being a single parent.

For those of us (like yourself) who are high earners there are no benefits outside of child benefit and/or nursery vouchers which, again, are benefits not only available to single parents.

Child free weekends - ha ha ha. If I could have them, I wouldn't want them. I cherish my weekends with DD.

But YANU at all - I love being a single parent. Sometimes it's hard to bear the full burden of all household costs and childcare. The benefits though, in my opinion, far outweigh the downsides.

I was only thinking earlier today that I like not having a man kicking around the place.

My lodger is only here a couple of nights a week and is thinking of going back to her husband. It has been nice to have the company but feel fine being here alone. I plan to move in the summer and get a smaller place and I think that will help. I live in the middle of no where at the moment and if
I run out of bread or milk I am buggered!!! Running out of wine is even worse!!!

I have to kill the spiders myself, get the logs in from the dark dank lean too, Deal with the illnesses on my own, the tantrums, all the bills. I have to do all the things any other mother has to do BUT Its ME doing it. I have the final say, I choose wether or not to wash up that night or the next morning. I can read all night if I want to and not get winged at. I can spread in my huge bed and not come accross any one else unless its DS who has crept in for a lovely snuggle.

Shall stop being so smug now. But really am happier.

When I was married I ran "the house" However, parenting was fairly evenly split. Yes, I had the majority of the weekdays with the children, but weekends we were a family and Ex would do as much disciplining etc as me. He also did bedtimes every night with me, and his share of nighttime wakings/sicknesses (apart from when babies were breastfeeding)

A second marraige where the child is not theirs can be more difficult though, as a lot of stepparents can not want to be involved in disciplining etc.

However, I would still say this is a lot easier than single parenting. Having experienced a good marraige, a bad marraige and single parenting I would say I would prefer Good Marraige, over Single Parenting, which is better than Bad Marraige.

NewLeaseofLife - it really is great most of the time, isn't it?

Dont get me wrong though, I adore living on my own for all the reasons listed above by other posters. But a couple of bad days with horrendous behaviour by the kids can take it out of me for weeks.

By ILoveTIFFANY Wed 27-Jan-10 21:18:37
its nowhere near the same as a married mum!! and you know it! nobody to pick up milk on the way home,nobody who would be there,work or not,in an emergency,nobody to talk to at 8pm when he DOES come home.....you know all this.

Hmm... pick up milk... dunno, I order it in quantity for Home Delivery and have a big fridge - over all DH probably generates more work than he contributes...

It would have to be a really bad emergency before I would call him out of work... really bad... and tbh, my ex would come in an emergency anyway if it was DD.

DH came home - tried to moan about how awful his day had been whilst I was trying to listen to DD and put her to bed (I've been at work all day too). Then I had to cook dinner, mostly because he would want it - I would have settled for a salad. Then as soon as dinner was over, he was back to the study - and that's the last I saw of him...

Now, when I was single... quality time with DD... pizza and a bottle of wine with BF, good natter... then at w/e, romantic meal out with DH in lovely restuarant - no pongy socks

Oh, and WWC pleeease do the Boden thread I suggested a while ago. I am so looking forward to it.

Beele - Most of the time, yes it is. As I said before its better than the stress of living with H. I think i am still getting used to not having to put up with all that crap anymore. Who knows, maybe I will be singing a differant song in a years time.

*BELLE Sorry

By BelleDameSansMerci Wed 27-Jan-10 21:28:03

I was only thinking earlier today that I like not having a man kicking around the place.

BDSM - i first mis-read that as "I like kicking a man around the place"

Must be your username..!

Yep, the benefits have no impact on me, as even with my part-time hours, I am above the max threshold... but I just thought that with benefits, lots of women probably aren't that much worse off than they would have been as a couple... but I might be wrong there!

WWC - working up to your due date then?

Don't forget to mention your nanny whilst you're moaning about domestic drudgery - if she pulled her weight life would be a lot easier wouldn't it?

I don't expect you will take this point in to consideration but you should remember that there are quite a few ladies on here who are single parents not by choice and not by the agency of divorce/seperation but because their men are dead. Generally they don't feel too great about that and whilst you can post in a lighthearted manner about socks till the cows come home, just consider that sector of single parents as well.

Yup, being a single mum is good. NOt exactly rolling in money (though things are improving) but I have alway been happiest single.
However, I do have the advantage of a willing and involved co-parent (DS dad) who looks after him at least two nights and one day per week - I appreciate it's a lot harder when you don't get a break. WHich is why it's a good idea if it's remotely possible (ie the DC's other parent isn't dangerous or totally useless) to try and keep things amicable post-split as you're going to need to communicate re the DC.

You are right NL and personally my heart goes out to them, it must be terrible, Icant even begin to imagine how they must feel.

I can only talk about my personal experience. My situation wasnt what I chose, I tried hard to keep the family together but it wasnt to be. All I am saying is that I now think it was for the best all round and I enjoy my life with DS on my own.

BDSM - boden thread? eh?

Someone suggested a breastfeeding thread a while back, and I dutifully obliged with what I thought was an interesting proposition, and look how that ended!!

Boden is a bit contentious for me...

I wonder whether there is a difference between being a single parent of one or a single parent of two?

I know my friend found being a single parent of one a hell of a lot easier than of two.

And the majority of the posters here who agree single is better have 1 DC, not two or more.

Those I have come across on this board and others have found single parenting harder when they have more than 1 child. I wonder how true it is?

Of course newlease - and there's nothing wrong with that nor with you saying it. Really glad for you - sounds good

I just take the darkest possible view of the op's motives I'm afraid and a thread a little similar to this went very bad last year. I suspect 'she' knows that perfectly well.

Don't feed the trollllllllllllllll

NL - it's nice to see you've recovered your compassion anyway

My best friend ( a guy) has obtained sole custody of his two children ( cant go into details but it was very very much needed) They are 6 and 4, He struggles, he has been unable to hold down a course for any amount of time due to legal battles and kids coming first. He wants so much to be in a relationship and he gets down and lonely. He is however the best parent, so organised and puts me to shame. I have the biggest amount of respect for him. He would rather be with someone than doing it alone.