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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pre write birthday present thank you letters and put in the goody bag on the day?

37 replies

BirdFromDaNorf · 27/01/2010 17:00

Have made homemade peppa pig thank you letters for our 3 year old's party. 32 children coming - 25 families in total.

AIBU to write "Dear (and fill in name by hand) Thank you very much for coming to my party. It was lovely to see you and play together. Thank you for my present. I will open it on Wednesday when I sing my ?on the day Happy Birthday with my mummy and daddy and little bubba XXX.?
See you soon, lots of love, XXX xxxx

I work 50 hours a week, and think I'm doing well to manage a birthday party. It would take me so long to get to thank you letters and don't want to be rude or tardy in getting them to people, so I thought if I did this, it was better than not doing it.

DH thinks it's a great idea. BF says people will appreciate it as are friends who know how many hours I'm working at the moment.

What do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
BirdFromDaNorf · 27/01/2010 17:00

as attendees are all friends who know how many hours I'm working at the moment.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CarrieHeffernan · 27/01/2010 17:02

Parents do this at roughly half the parties my kids have been. I wouldn't mind. I don't even really expect a thank you card on top of a party bag. That's 'thanks' enough.

wilkos · 27/01/2010 17:05

good idea, yanbu considering its a huge party and you work hard

yummyyummyyummy · 27/01/2010 18:53

Yes I think it is rude because you have already written the letter before you knew if they would turn up or bring a present so obviously insincere

lovechoc · 27/01/2010 18:56

save half the rainforest and just give them the party goody bags.

orienteerer · 27/01/2010 18:57

YABU

RubysReturn · 27/01/2010 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameCastafiore · 27/01/2010 19:03

Really really rude and presumtious.

You must only send a thank you when you have opened the present and then you list what it is and make sure you mention that in the card when you say your thanks.

It will take you an hour at most - well not even that - I am sure that you can spare thet.

Coldhands · 27/01/2010 19:33

I have my DS's party this week and I would not do this.

I agree with what others have said, it is rude and presumptious. Plus I like to try and write what DS is actually saying thank you for, which makes it seem more personal. Ok so I expect people who come to a party bring something anyway, but imagine of there was someone who didn't and they get this card!!

nickytwotimes · 27/01/2010 19:36

I'd rather not get one tbh.

I think it is rather rude.

Actually, I don't think thank you cards are necessary if you see the person you get the gift from, but that's another thread.

MrsBadger · 27/01/2010 19:39

yabu, would rather not get one at all

time you spent handmaking and pre-writing 25 peppa pig cards (and indeed buying and filling 32 party bags) would be better used scrawling a genuine thankyou on a postcard after present is opened imo

sorry

lockets · 27/01/2010 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotAPollyanna · 27/01/2010 19:44

YANBU, I know loads of people who do this for kids parties. I really don't think it is a big deal. These parties take over our lives enough as it is and it is insincere anyway as it is the kids who should be writing them not the parents. Plus loads of parents end up recycling gifts or saving them for later as too many to open. Frankly I think we should do away with the parties let alone the thank you cards. [bah humbug emoticon]

lovechoc · 27/01/2010 19:48

I'd rather receive a personal email or a phone call to say thanks for attending. or a text message if you are pushed for time.

If you sent a piece of paper it would get binned - have enough stuff cluttering the house already without added bits from a party.

Original poster
BirdFromDaNorf · 27/01/2010 20:04

OK, so if I'm not going to have time to now remake the letters that I've already printed, I should not do anything at all and say thank you very much, on the day, even though we won't be opening them until his birthday?

I'm intrigued by the idea that a thank you card would be retained for any period of time - they last a week in our house at most?

I'm interested by this, I thought a thank you on the day was not enough and text bad. I thought at least I'd thought ahead to be grateful for whatever presents he does receive.

OP posts:
LillianGish · 27/01/2010 20:13

I'm a bit at the idea of inviting 32 kids to a third birthday party. I don't think you need a note. Kids would rather see him/her opening his presents imo - though I imagine with 32 of them you'll be doing quite a bit of recycling yourself.

Coldhands · 27/01/2010 20:26

Personally, I prefer to give a thank you card/note rather than a text etc. I also don't think just a thank you on the day is quite enough. My DS won't be opening his presents there either. If the person who gets it throws it away straight away, thats up to them. But I was brought up to always do thank you notes and I will continue it with my DS. I rarely get a thank you in any form from some family that I give gifts to and it really riles me.

Also, I find parents write it as the DCs are too young. I get my DS to have a little scribble as he loves making his little contribution too.

woodyandbuzz · 27/01/2010 20:42

I'd prefer just a verbal thanks to that card in the party bag if you are pushed for time.

Writing a thank you note before the present has been opened is odd IMO. If I bought a child something and I was going to be thanked, I would like the thanks to be sincere - ie DD really liked the present you got her etc. How can they be sincere when you don't know what the present is?

I feel a bit mean having just written that, it's just my opinion.

Firawla · 27/01/2010 20:45

thanks on the day is fine imo
seems rude to write a thank you note in advance, how do you know everyone will bring a present its like taking for granted

cat64 · 27/01/2010 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FloSnake · 27/01/2010 20:47

I don't see how this is going to save you time, and it looks grabby (a bit like sending a present list out with a wedding invitation), and may upset people who couldn't afford a present.

You have to do thankyou letters anyway - I think it is OK to send them up to 2 weeks after the event, so there is no rush. Even a month after, people will still be pleased to get a thankyou, better late than never!

It shouldn't take more than 5 minutes to do each one. You could split them over several evenings. But I do think a proper thank you letter is essential -perhaps even more than party bags?

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/01/2010 20:48

OP this is meant in the nicest possible way but stop trying to be superwoman.

Why are you faffing around doing homemade nonsense which will be thrown away as soon as looked at.

You work long hours, you are having a party. It doesn't have to be the uber party.

Just view the goody bag as the thank you.

LilRedWG · 27/01/2010 20:49

Rude and presumptious. I would much prefer a sincere verbal thank you.

allaboutme · 27/01/2010 20:49

I'd rather a verbal thank you than a pre written one myself.
At a party that large for such a young child, I honestly wouldnt expect thank you letters on top of a thank you on the day anyway..

squeaver · 27/01/2010 20:49

Why don't you just do them then distribute them after the party? Does anyone really notice that the specific gift is mentioned by name in the thank you note?