marriage blah blah blah

[marantha]

Well, here we go again- same old arguments rage on about the marriage.

"Married people are better than the unmarried"

"Cohabitees should be treated as married after a certain time".

In their own way, both statements are wrong.

They fail to grasp what marriage is in the cold light of day.

"Marriage is a religious thing"- er, no, not necessarily.

"You're more committed if you're married" Well, maybe, but not all married people are committed and not all committed people are married.

"It's about bringing up of children"- well 50-year-olds marry.

The ONLY constant thing about marriage in the UK is a legal aspect. You marry and you are making a statement that you wish the outside world, tax authorities and the old guy over the road that you are a couple- because they are not psychic and will not know otherwise (hence cohabitee rights being unworkable).

It's time we grew up as a society and took marriage for what it is i.e. a legal thing and put the hearts and flowers bull and value judgements in the bin.

thedollyridesout. Is it an emotional legacy, though. I mean WHY did marriage as we know it (I think this has something to do with the marriage act of 1750s) come about?
Was it not just a way of making things clear as regards possessions and stuff like that?

Mumcentreplus Yeah, well I agree 100% -you're not going to tie yourself legally to someone you don't love and trust, are you?

Marriage is MORE to me than a legal contract, too. But I can't deny that that is what it is when it all boils down to it.

I see it as a legal contract that is made by a couple who are (usually) in love to make things absolutely clear to the outside world what the nature of their relationship is.
For example, if a man loves a woman but he dies intestate, she will receive his worldly goods if they are married.

Just because it's a legal thing, doesn't mean to say it doesn't have many beneficial uses.

I agree very beneficial..

Were I to get married tomorrow, I would have more (legally enshrined) commitments to my partner and his family than I do currently. So yes, I would be more committed. I don't want those particular commitments, however. That doesn't mean I don't love him and cherish him and have a deep and lasting relationship with him.

What are the commitments that come with a marriage that you don't want Bonsoir?

In sickness and in health? Forsaking all others?

Oh no, they are not part of the legal contract are they. It must involve money then.

For me marriage is about commitment and because a marriage is harder legally to untangle than a cohabiting relationship, then that means that we take care of each other and try not to get the point where either of us wants out.

It has worked so far for us. We got married because we are both quite traditional, and wanted to.

And what is wrong with not wanting commitments that involve money, thedolly? I don't want financial commitments towards my DP's parents that he would not need to reciprocate (since my parents live in another jurisdiction). What is wrong with that?

Agree bonsoir.I am also lucky enough to be with someone where we are both civilised enough to know that should we ever seperate we would do the 'right' thing.

I've been married a long time. I would do the same again tomorow,and marry the guy i met and fell in love with.
I find people dont want to kmow about happy marraiges, as it's deemed uncool nowadays.
I've always suspected however, there's more than an element of jealously involved!

So Bonsoir, one minute it's total immersion in the other culture and the next minute it is pick and choose which bits you like .

Or maybe that's the whole point of being bicultural/bilingual, that it allows you to take the best within reason, from two cultures. What do I know?

Yes but no one says its not..that's why i dont get the issue...

i think, on the whole, it's a bit silly to argue over who is the most committed; those who have signed the I'm Committed document and those who haven't.
Of those who have I think it's fair to say most have/had strong intentions of commitment.
Of those who haven't, well there's those who are not committed, unsurprisingly.
There are those who are, but who don't feel the need to announce it to the state, god, great aunt maude or society. Fairy Nuff. But if you don't tell "us" how committed you are how are "we" to know?

I think it's unfair on the state of uncommitted cohabitation actually, which is a perfectly valid state also. Definately against defacto rights for cohabitees - actively opt in if you wish to avail of them.

Please note I prefaced my comments with "on the whole". I know it won't apply to everyone.

Yep, a lot of people simply don't want to be treated as married when they're not.

Oh no thedolly, there is no total immersion at all in any single culture in our household. It is à la carte all the way .