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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated by pal who swore she didn't care what sex her DB is,when obviously she did!

83 replies

Earplugs · 21/01/2010 22:20

Not hugely irritated but mildly .

Pal swore blind her and her DH didn't care about the sex of their 3rd child. They already have 2 DD.

When she told me she was expecting,I was (and still am!) thrilled for her but made the mistake of mentioning the baby's sex. I was almost verbally attacked by daring to suggest that they might be hoping for a boy and was told in no uncertain terms that the sex of their children wasn't of importance. I was actually a bit hurt by the way I was spoken to.

So fast forward a couple of months (never mentioning the sex again!) and after a scan, she has discovered she is expecting a boy and from their reaction you would think they had won the lottery.

Not a day goes by without an announcement on facebook declaring how 'shocked' and 'totally thrilled' they are at the wonderful news, and I'm getting a little sick of hearing about how she will manage buying blue baby clothes.

Since the news, she has also shared with me the details of how they were actually timing sex to increase chances of having a boy.

So AIBU wish that she'd just have admitted to wanting a boy in the first place?

And AIBVU to think that if you genuinly didn't mind about the sex, then you wouldn't be making such a fuss?

OP posts:

Jimmychasesducks · 21/01/2010 22:22

yanbu
but aww it is nice that she is so happy

bibbitybobbityhat · 21/01/2010 22:22

dilbertina · 21/01/2010 22:23

DiamondHead · 21/01/2010 22:24

YANBU but perhaps she was just protecting herself, because if she had had a daughter I'm sure she'd be delighted. She may have been worried about negative comments and scared of that little something inside her that did want a son. Something she was a bit ashamed of.
I sort of get it, in a way, (I've got bbg).

MrsMattie · 21/01/2010 22:24

You're taking it all a bit too much to heart, I think.

It was wrong of her to snap at you, but there is nothing wrong with being delighted that you are having one of what you haven't got.

When I was expecting my second child (after having a DS) I would have been delighted with a boy but I was absolutely over the moon to have a girl. There is nothing wrong with that. It is exciting.

motherlovebone · 21/01/2010 22:25

they probably didnt mind, cant imagine them being unhappy with a 3rd DD.

there is obviously a diffenrence, and they have been discussing it, as you do.

yabu

Hullygully · 21/01/2010 22:25

This sort of thing makes me so angry

SpeedyGonzalez · 21/01/2010 22:28

You sound like you need an occupation. Try knitting.

lockets · 21/01/2010 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Earplugs · 21/01/2010 22:32

I've already got one thanks Speedy, the same as yours, its called Mumsnet

OP posts:

Blu · 21/01/2010 22:32

HullyGully - if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all?

sweetkitty · 21/01/2010 22:34

I have 3DDs and just found out no 4 is a boy, very very shocked, we went into ttc#4 thinking it would be a girl, we even had her names all picked out we were that sure it was a girl. We would have been utterly delighted with another girl.

But it is different and there is the excitement, you do get to do the blue thing, I'm excited about being Mum to a boy and seeing how he is different to the DDs, it's not I didn't want another daughter but there's a newness to this one now, he is different.

I think like me your friend probably expected another DD, had gotten over the shock of having a DS and is now thrilled to bits.

displayuntilbestbefore · 21/01/2010 22:34

YABU to let it even mildly bother you, just let it wash over you, she's obviously someone who likes to be excited about things in a very public way!

I am still chuckling about your friend's admission of details of sex timing tbh, as if she think that it will somehow enrich the X or Y chromosome

PotPourri · 21/01/2010 22:34

YAB a bit U, sorry. It is rude to say 'you'll be wanting a boy then'. I lost count of the number of people that said that to me on my third (had 2 DDs already).

I'm from a BIG family, all girls. I know I would have been really happy with a girl, but I was delighted to have a boy - it was lovely to have a little bit different.

So what is they wanted a boy. There are many things people want, e.g. to conceive, to have a natural/pain relief free birth etc and it might not work out. It's self-preservation. Bit like telling people you're pregnant the minute you pee on the stick (some people are happy to, but alot want to check it's going to stick first)

I can see why the gushing and surprised 'ooooh, I'll need to buy blue blah blah" would be annoying. But humour her - she sounds delighted!!

HollyGoHeavily · 21/01/2010 22:36

Really- only nice things are allowed to be said [hmmm]

Your friend was probably trying to protect herself from the wave of sympathy she would get from her friends if she was having DD3. It's called a pre-emptive strike. How about just being happy for her???

Heated · 21/01/2010 22:37

Part of her conversation with you was probably convincing herself, so go easy on her. To admit she wanted a boy would be saying she was disappointed if it was a girl, iyswim.

With dc no 2, secretly I would have liked a girl but had played out all the positives in my mind about how fab it would be to have two boys - so either way was prepared to be delighted. When dc2 made their appearance dh said, "It's another boy!" and I felt really mushy and pleased at having another lovely little boy.

Then the mw said, "Look again"

Dh in surprised tones: "Oh! It's a girl!" (think he was looking at the cord) and was shocked at the rush of tears and how overwhelmingly happy I felt at having the dd I secretly wanted. Maybe this is how your friend feels.

Otoh, some ppl are very open, a friend says openly ds no 4 was meant to be a girl and how she still longs for one.

displayuntilbestbefore · 21/01/2010 22:37

fwiw OP, it's maybe not such a good idea to ever assume and suggest that parents of same sex children will be hoping for the opposite sex next time. As mum to 3 boys it's tiresome when people assume you must be trying for a girl next time as if having the same sex is somehow missing out on something

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 21/01/2010 22:37

Yabu. First, when she did not know what she was expecting, she said it did not matter. Then, now that they know, she is pleased. I am sure she would show the same excitement over a trio of 3 girls, as she now is now displaying about her baby boy.

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/01/2010 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hullygully · 21/01/2010 22:43

This sort of thing makes me even angrier

Blu · 21/01/2010 22:44

HollyGoHeavily is right.
In the first place, any short time on MN teaches you that the whole 'are you trying for a boy / girl' comment that beleagers 4th time parents is rated as one of the most irritating things a friend can ask. Secondly you clearly do not know this friend well enough to have any sensitivity or tact around the things she may be feeling a little tender about, thirdly this is not all about you.
So, on balance, YABU.

Hullygully · 21/01/2010 22:45

Absolutely furious now

Blu · 21/01/2010 22:45

Fourthly, you have really upset HullyGully.

chegirlsgotheartburn · 21/01/2010 22:47

Oh Hully, are you ok? [hug hug]

mazzystartled · 21/01/2010 22:49

YABU

and a bit mean

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