to ask very politely that either BOTH DDs are invited to a party or neither?

[bratnav]

It is causing much upset and distress in our house. DD2 and DSD are in the same class at school and so far both have been invited to a party without the other and they have been very upset about it.

I appreciate that people only have limited space/resources and I am happy for neither to go if that makes it easier for the parents organising it. I would never worry if they were in separate classes, but they play with lots of the same friends and I have had them both in floods of tears.

Would you think I was mad for asking if you were the parent whose DCs party it is?

I dont think you should ask op, youll run the risk of neither of them being invited next time. Ive had this a few times when ive done partys, parents who bring their toddlers and siblings who try to dump them off on me, " cos there upset " and frankly i hate it.If my child wanted them to be present they wouldve received an invite.
I once paid for a party at a kids place, wasnt cheap, set price per child, and there was at least 6 parents who turned up with toddlers, siblings asking if they could stay too.

Not nice and it puts you on the spot, a party consisting of say 10 children can easily end up being 18 this way, its not nice and usually parents have a set number of invites due to either cost or size of their home.

I think you will set a stupid precedent throughout their life that both are included and invited to things by the others friends - they will have to realise that not everyone in the class is invited to all parties and if you rocked up giving me an ultimatum I would tell you to sod off.

yabu

yabu.

I have twins and although it is upsetting to start with they will get used to it.

It is part of growing up.

YABU,

there are too many people on MN who seem to think their child has a RIGHT to be invited to birthday parties.

You will have to deal with the upset, it´s part of learning about life for them.

My DSs are in same class (small school) but one gets invited to many more parties than the other, as he´s more outgoing. I make sure I then have a nice special time with the other DS who is a bit more awkward and shy.

I have never thought of demanding the other DS be automatically invited along .

YABU, i wonder if this is more because one is a girl and the other is a boy and my DD is adamant that she doesn't want smelly boys at her party, oh except for X because hes my friend, oh and Y because i like him

oh, lol - LEM reminds herself to read posts properly in future

wow the op's had a teling off! Where does she talk about 'demanding' the other one is invited!
I think some people read stuff into OPs that just isn't there

LEM

YABU It's not nice to see one child upset but they will have to get used to not both being invited to the same party.

Yabu.

Was going to post the same as LargeG&T. I also have twins and they've understood from day one that they don't always get to do (or have) the same things.

Ladies -- the girls are not twins, they are step sisters.

OK OK OK I get the idea, IABU

FWIW, I only asked on here as a sounding board, I will leave well alone. I only asked as they are in the same class, I would never even think of asking for an invite otherwise. It wouldn't cross my mind to ask for an invite for DD1 who is 2 years older or DS.

secondcoming - wow you are harsh

tsc - you are not 6

Also I never said anything about 'strongarming' DD2 or DSDs way in.

But you're a grownup, Thesecondcoming. It's not so clearcut for 6 year olds. Being left out can hurt children, and especially when the children are step sisters there can be suspicions of not really belonging in the family. I would wonder if an invitation went astray somehow if they've both been left out on separate occasions -- or on the other hand do the other parents in the class assume there are two completely separate households involved and the girls never stay in the same house.

ds1 is yr 1. he invites who he wants. he is indeed more friendly with one twin than the other.
he would invite the boy to a party but not the girl. actauuly he has many girl friends but not thie twin dd.
I think OP YABU.
one twin is invited and one is not. so ?

sorry mister the step s, bit. then def not. sorry op, but you can not insist. they are different. have different friends. some joint friends. may very well be invited to lots of parties singularly. i think that is normal, i'm afraid.
have you discussed with the non invted dd which friend this is ? why is she so upset ? my ds knows that you can't be invited to everything, likewise you can not invite everyone to yours. he accepts this and does not get upset.