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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to give the dummy back???

28 replies

chickensaresafehere · 20/01/2010 07:55

So,dd2 2.10,has no dummy during the day,but because of me & dh having to get up a couple of times a night to find the damn thing & put it back in her mouth,we decided after xmas that we would go cold turkey . . .
Well,it's been hell,she has ditched her daytime nap,as there is no dummy & although she goes off to sleep when we put her to bed,she wakes 3/4 times a night and CANNOT settle herself back,so screams the house down,resulting in dh climbing into bed with her.
I am at my wits end & me & dh have had 'words' this morning where I have said if it carries on much longer I WILL give it her back.
What would you do/have you done.HELP ? ? ? ?

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 20/01/2010 07:58

Watching with interest. My ds1 is 2.5 so I should start thinking about this.

Tortington · 20/01/2010 08:00

god - give it her back if it makes lie easier - who is the lord almighty god who says that there is a rule that they can't have a dummy at night?

well...who ever they are screw 'em you do what makes life easiest for you - its not like she is going one day to be 18 and still use a dummy - it will come

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 20/01/2010 08:01

Strap yourself in for the ride SilveryMoon!!

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 20/01/2010 08:08

YANBU, dd1 is 2.7 and has her dummy during the day and at night . I will take it away from her when she starts at the local school nursery next september but she'll probably still have it at night.

MIL askes when are we gonna take it away and i just shrug, i really couldnt give a fuck what other people think.

girlsyearapart · 20/01/2010 08:09

Well if you've already gone through several bad nights I'd perevere with it for another week or so. Am also interested as my dd2 has a dummy for sleep, she is 16 mo.

Dd1 is 2.4 and had a comfort blanket which she sucked the corners of until they started to rot.. We cut the corners off and re hemmed, now she's not very interested in it.

Have heard of people cutting the ends off the dummy so it doesn't do the job and the child gives it up 'on their own'

differentnameforthis · 20/01/2010 08:10

We ditched dds dummy at 3. We had a few nights where she took a while to settle, but didn't wake in the night.

Leave it a little longer, put a couple of spare dummies under her pillow that she can find when she wakes.

Pheebe · 20/01/2010 08:11

Absolutely 100% with custardo on this - give it back to her. She needs to sleep far far more than she needs to give up the dummy at this stage. Keep it for naps and bedtime and save the 'cold turkey' for when you can rationally talk to her about it and support her in giving it up rather than ust withholding something she takes great comfort from.

If you're getting up in the night try putting a few dummies round her when she's asleep or putting it on a dummy clip attached to her jarmies.

DS1 gave his up the summer before he started school. Dentist was not concerned in the least, he says it does affect the positioning of their first teeth but so long as they give up before about 5 when their adult teeth start to emerge there should eb no lasting problem and everything should straighten out by about 8ish.

differentnameforthis · 20/01/2010 08:13

Please do not cut the end off the dummy. This weakens the latex & can cause pieces to break away!

myeverything · 20/01/2010 08:14

Not a fan of dummies. although if its causing so much distress. give it back but begin to wean her off it. she obviously likes her own familiar comforts so try introducing and establishing a replacement? A teddy or a 'blanky', or something.

Tee2072 · 20/01/2010 08:14

I'm with Custardo on this one. DS (who is, granted, only 7.5 months) needs two things to settle: his dummy and his piglet. And for as long as he needs those two things, he will get those two things.

Does this mean several trips into his room to replace the dummy for him? Sometimes, yes. But not every night.

What I would do, OP, is put several dummies in her bed within her reach. Then she will probably be able to find one on her own and pop it back in without getting you up.

I am planning on doing this once DS gets to the stage where he can put a dummy in correctly in the dark! Never mind in the light.

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 20/01/2010 08:16

Has anyone else done the dummy clip on PJ's thing,am I silly to worry she may choke herself.
Sounds like I'm caving in already!!

OP posts:
honeybehappy · 20/01/2010 08:20

I wanted to a few months ago but i thought it might hurt her if she lays on her tummy or get it round her neck.... dd looses her dummy and blanket every night and ends up in our bed and we just let her stay till morning.
I said to her the other day that we are going to put her back to bed if she wakes up but she started to get all teary eyed and said but mummy i love to snuggle with you and daddy how can i say no ?????

girlsyearapart · 20/01/2010 08:21

I don't think they did it for more than a day with the cut dummy btw. I chucked all ours out as soon as dd had chewed holes in them though.

Another idea my friend has for her 2.4 yr old is a little bag in her cot/bed with the dummies in there so she find them.

I wouldn't be comfortable with the dummy clip thing.

Chickens- didn't you say that your nights were disturbed before anyway? So even if you give back the dummy you still won't get a proper nights sleep?

Galena · 20/01/2010 08:50

Have you seen this?

BigusBumus · 20/01/2010 09:00

Both my DSs had what they called Kikis (like a blanky I suppose), but they suck them like dummies.

I was always under intense pressure to make them give them up but i also had one as a child (and actually still have it in bed with me at night, although i no longer suck/smell it. DP doesn't mind, thank god). That means I KNOW how much comfort something like that can give.

My DS1 was 5.5 when he gave it up. He went to my MIL for the weekend and she took it off him and although that made me cross, to my surprise he was fine without it, so I chucked them all out!

DS2 still has his, and I have no intention of taking away his comfort. Why the hell should I??? I absolutely don't care what other people think.

Galena, that looks like a good holder thing.

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 20/01/2010 09:12

You lot on mumsnet are so good,always there to lend an ear & good advice!!
girlsyearapart-our nights were disturbed due to lost dummies down the side of the bed etc,if we could solve that it would be a good's night sleep all round.
Galena,that looks great - anyone got one??
I don't give a crap what people think,as long as we all get a full nights sleep.
And I tend to agree with the majority,that it is the comfort she needs,she is exhausted & I will have serious words with dh tonight & show him your posts.
Thanks all.

OP posts:
mspotatochip · 20/01/2010 09:15

dd gave her dummy to the dummy fairy a couple of months ago aged about 2.8. We did it because she was asking for it more and more during the day after months and months of only having it at night and it was becoming a big issue. She has never asked for it since except when we got trapped at the airport for 24 hrs before xmas. DP and I had a slight argument then I went to Boots and bought her one and she fell asleep on her horrible hard bench. Interesting thing is that I took it off her when getting out of the car at our destination and she never asked for it again.

She is harder to settle when she wakes in the night without the dummy and given the chance to go back in time I probably would never have taken it off her in the first place but DP still would. Mind you dp doesn't generally get up in the night to deal with her!

missorinoco · 20/01/2010 09:16

DS is 2.5. We were equally fed up getting up overnight, sometimes to replace the spare dummy which he had lost, depsite having one in his mouth.

I explained to him carefully he only needed one dummy, let him choose which and took one away. All happy, until after we left him to sleep. Hell broke loose! We caved after half an hour. I don't think he understood the concept.

I'm only saying this so if you feel bad about caving, you lasted longer than us.

If you give it back, what about tying it to a muslin or blanket, making it easier for him to find?

TootaLaFruit · 20/01/2010 09:21

Oooh, Galena I've just ordered one of those SleepyTot things. Such a good idea. y daughter is 1.3 and has to have her dummy for naps and bedtime. We used to put a few around her but she'd chuck them over the side of her cot in the night , meaning countless trips for me and dh to find them.
We started using one of those dummy clips, and although there's no danger of her strangling herself (the cord is about a finger's length), I do sometimes worry that the big plastic bit might press into her if she rolls over.
Can't wait for the SleepyTot to arrive - all my problems solves (I wish)!!

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 20/01/2010 09:22

missorinoco,thanks for that,lay in bed last night thinking,could I tie dummy to her taggy blanky,as in the wee small hours I think I had already made my mind up,to give it her back,but dh was digging his heels in & I hate to give up now,but things are definetly NOT improving!

OP posts:
Galena · 20/01/2010 09:57

I do actually have a sleepytot, but DD is only 8 months (5 months corrected as so premature) so can't replace dummies on her own yet. That said, she has her dummy in the day but sleeps absolutely fine at night without! Strange girl!

She loves cuddling her sleepytot though. It's really soft. We velcro it to her car seat straps sometimes with her linking rings velcroed to another paw - no more linky rings out of reach! Perfect!

Pheebe · 20/01/2010 10:37

About the dummies falling down the side of the cot at night...

We bought 2 of those bright baby cot bumper books and have slotted those down the side of ds2s cot. They are cloth covered board so no danger of los sunggling their faces into them, they tie onto the sides to stay nicely in place and they aren't too big so we've poitioned ds's so they're about 2 inches above the mattress. Just enough to stop dummies going over the side at night.

We never had a problem with the dummy clips with ds1. We chose the ones with velcro and tbh they're too short to get tangled up. Thinking back though he generally used to unclip them and hold the tape so maybe tying them onto a muslin or some such would work just as well.

Hope you all get a better sleep

girlsyearapart · 20/01/2010 17:41

bigus you're not the only one I still sleep with my teddy bear!

chickens sounds like you need a solution to keep the dummy somewhere she can find it then.

I tried tying it onto a muslin but dd2 wouldn't have it. The sleepytot looked good when I googled it.

I hate going in to get the dummy back as we only have a small 'window' of time before she properly wakes up.

Much preferred the comfort blanket dd1 had- bigger and has a bell in it (also stank so she never lost it!)

pranma · 20/01/2010 18:51

My dgs gave up his dummy finally at 3 but at 2.7 he was told that the 'dummy lady' was collecting dummies from big boys and girls to give to little babies who needed them.He quite happily put his dummies in a 'special box'and sent them off[mummy binned them]he was so distraught and unable to sleep that after a few days another 'special box' appeared containing a very 'baby' dummy which the dummy lady had loaned him just for sleeping.he never took it out of his room and night before his third birthday asked his mummy to give it back to the dummy lady,'for a baby'.He has never asked for one again.

PortiaPie · 20/01/2010 19:11

I let ds1 give his dummy up in his own time, and am allowing ds2 to do the same.

It gives him an enormous amount of comfort, just like my glass of wine and slouchy old jogging bottoms give me.