I am totally up for being told IABU, just want honest opinion

[memoo]

I had DC 3 just 4 months ago and am a SAHM. DC1 and DC2 are both at school during the day.

I find the hours between picking the kids up from school and DH getting home really stressful.

DH is always late home from work. If it was because he had a lot on then I would understand but the reason he finishes late is because he never gets there on time in the morning as he won't get out of bed on time!

I have asked him so many times to please get to work on time so he can be home on time and help me, but my pleas seem to be falling on death ears.

Am i really being unreasonable to expect him to make an effort to get home on time to help me?

Bit of back ground so I don't get accused of aibu by stealth. I am struggling with PND at the moment and so am finding things a bit mpre difficult than I would do usually.

I also understand that DH is knackered because he does the late night feed so I can sleep and then I do any night feeds.

Please be honest, I can take it!

Of course yanbu.

I have 3 los and have had PND after each child.
For someone who has ONE child and works outside the home (tortoiseonthehalfshell) to come on and sprout about how she can manage so why can't the OP makes me furious.
If you haven't had PND - then fuck right off with the supermum shit. Of course you manage better - you're not at home all day with the children.
PND makes normal everyday mundane things next to impossible to get through.
You (the OP) need looking after right now.
Your DH should be making an effort to come home and help - tell him the gp told you that.

no, you were branded a 1950s throwback because of your lame attitudes to being a woman! You seem to basically live to please your DH, if that works for you then fine.

I have considered the whole surrendered wife thing - i mean, how lovely would that by, no difficult decisions, cooking lovely meals every day in my state of the art kitchen, just making my DH happy all the time - um, yeah, that would work - so long as my DH was 100% commited to looking after me, always read my mind when it came to decisions affecting both of us, never behaved in a way that would upset me ever - yep - everything in the garden would be rosy. One probem - thats just not the real world!!Not only that, my DP didn't fall in love with a doormat, he fell inlove with an opinionated strong woman who doesn't suffer fools gladly.

Well, the taliban have a whole set of values don't they - maybe we should just leave them to it and even emulate it! Don't pull the culture card on this discussion - a doormat is a doormat wherever she lives or wherever her DH comes from.

And yes, you do appear to be hijacking the thread - if you want to preach stepford wife values, start another thread. I beleive this one was started by a woman struggling with PND and who's partner wasn't pulling his weight!!

Oh dear - I seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick altogether tortoise.. huge apologies (now slinks off to hide)

Lucyellensmum, yes I am on 20mg of citalopram, he did mention at my last appointment that it would be possible to put the dosage up if it didn't seem to be working. He also gave me a very small supply of diazepan (sp?) to use when my anxiety levels are really bad but I'm a bit reluctant to take that as my understanding is that it can be addictive. Will ask him about this tomorrow.

Newname "PND makes normal everyday mundane things next to impossible to get through" You are so right! I find it really hard to organise myself, I can spend ages rushing around but not actually have achieved anything.

i know exactly what you mean, that is a classic symptom of anxiety that is - the whole, doing loads but achieving nowt - i find i start one thing, then get stressed about something else, go and do that, finish niehter!!

Yes you can up your dose, i would talk to the doc re the diazepam - i was about it too, its very strong and makes you dozy - there are other meds, i take something called busperone if im totally stressed out - although thankfully don;'t have to take them anymore- i keep a packet there just to cope. I tell you what really works for me, thats bachs rescue remedy - so when i feel really stressed, the actual action of doing something about it helps, so i take some of that - it makes me much calmer and i can carry on.

you know what feeling when you just want to walk away from it - do it, make sure the children are safe and go and sit on your bed for five minutes, no one will die and you will feel much better dont think about anythying, just sit there concentrate on your breathing for a bit.

How long have you been taking the citalopram?

minx it's like a natural anti-depressant

"gobby Dappys" - ha ha ha

well, ive done a search on your posts and what do i find on another thread - slagging off women with depression and those on ADs nice

lmao now you are just making me giggle

only, in your other thread you said that you have suffered from depression yourself - make your mind up luvvie

toddle off now to your rosy little world then dear

memoo, i am sorry i got drawn into that, this is after all your thread. Feel free to CAT me. Sorry, this is embarrasing

Try to get out in the daytime, so it is nice to get home iyswim! Adn try to get organised at the weekend on meals so that you just take something out of the freezer and ping it/heat it. That will save you work.

And you need to talk to him again about not getting out of bed resulting in being home late. Have a frank conversation with him and explain why you need his help - and what you would like him to do when he does get home - i.e. is it play a game with the kids so you can make dinner/feed the baby in peace? It might be less daunting or something he would like to avoid if he knew what you were expecting.

Hope you get it sorted. It's really hard work when they are small.....

Oh, so now you are threatening me with your husband ROTFL Hahahahahah - shouldnt you be fetching his tea??

Look tispity, this is getting silly - can we not just agree to disagree. I do ironically agree with some of the things you said, but its gotten personal now and thats not my stylee - so unless you want to go out to the playground now and have a bitch fight, can we not just draw a line? And i daresay i'd win, cos im bigger than you - and my DP is bigger than your DP and my dog is bigger than your dog?

no, i apologise, you didnt say that, i misread, you said that you had never had depression yoruself but if you ever did you wodlnt want other people to know about it. Fair enough, i dont tend to shout about it myself.

I'll just continue cleaning my kitchen with my unravelling nervous breakdown.

Could you please take this off the thread, ladies? It's not pretty, and the personal attacks aren't in keeping with MN.

memoo - can you wear the baby in a sling sometimes? not an ideal solution, but handsfree!

Yes, habbibu, i am quite embarrased actually. Have asked for my posts to be removed, hopefully mumsnet will respond accordingly

Mr tispity, I'm assuming that you're unfamiliar with MN talk policy, which does not allow personal attacks.