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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my husband should sod his stupid non-existent staff meeting

88 replies

takethatlady · 19/01/2010 10:13

Hi,

My husband and I are a couple of months off ttc our first child. He has always wanted children, as have I, but it is only in the last six months or so that we have both felt now is the right time.

Anyway, after much discussion with DH, yesterday I made an appointment for us to see our GP in a couple of week's time. It can be tricky getting appointments at our surgery, especially as he is a teacher and works half an hour away so has to have appointments last thing in the day.

When I told him I had booked it, he just said 'well, I hope I haven't got an after-school meeting that day. I'm sure I haven't, but if I have, I won't be able to go'. I said that I would expect him to be there whether he had a staff meeting or not - they're hardly important and it wouldn't matter if he missed one for a doctor's appointment. He said that staff meetings are compulsory and that he wouldn't miss it, even for this appointment, especially as it the appointment is hardly necessary in the first place.

I know he's got a point - I could just get another appointment - but this is supposed to be our first step towards creating a family together and to me it is a big deal. I want to feel like he is as excited as me, and like he's going to put our family before his stupid nondescript staff meeting that every other person in the world would just get out of if they had a doctor's appointment. It's not a big deal to miss it, and if he's going to be like this about the moment we start to ttc what's he going to be like for all the other appointments we're going to have?

The stupid thing is, he doesn't even have a meeting, so it's a pointless argument anyway. I just can't believe that he would raise it as an issue.

AIBU?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 19/01/2010 10:15

Yabu.

Staff meetings are not optional and if there had been one, he cannot just say sod it and bugger off. It is part of his job.

And fgs you are not even ttc yet! It's not like you have an appointment to discuss fertility problems.

You need to get this into perspective.

MmeLindt · 19/01/2010 10:16

Um. Sorry, but I don't quite understand.

You have made the appointment to discuss starting TTC? What do you expect the doc to say to you?

squeaver · 19/01/2010 10:17

You do know that most people just have sex to conceive, don't you??

Morloth · 19/01/2010 10:18

I am confused? What is the appointment for?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 19/01/2010 10:18

YABU. Staff meetings are obligatory, my dh doesn't like them but must go. TBH, you sound a teeny tiny bit precious about it all.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 19/01/2010 10:20

YABU

Why do you need to see the GP before trying for a baby?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 19/01/2010 10:20

I dont understand it, you are going to ttc in a few months, and want to see the doctor beforehand. Why did you not consult with him prior to booking it, if it is so important that he is also there? Or do you want him to show excitement by falling in with your every whim?

Ingles2 · 19/01/2010 10:21

you do realise you are wasting the Doctors time don't you?
What would you like him to do/say?
Surely you know how to get pregnant?

PCPlumIsMyHomeboy · 19/01/2010 10:22

why are you going to see the GP?

nickytwotimes · 19/01/2010 10:22

God, you're going to be a nightmare if you get pg, aren't you!

PotPourri · 19/01/2010 10:23

YABU - definately. Get real. You sound very high maintenance. It's not like it is your first scan or the birth. It's basically a non-apppointment...

Sorry to be blunt, but think you need to stop being so dramatically self centred - you'll put him right off the whole idea!

onefatoneshortonelean · 19/01/2010 10:23

Need to know what the GP appointment is for before I can get my judgey pants on. Plus what are 'all the other appointments we're going to have' for?

Tortington · 19/01/2010 10:24

it's a communication misunderstanding. this isn't a test of his loyalty to the conception process!

if you want to go to see the doctor ( for whatever reason) then it stands to reason that you discuss a mutually concenient time beforehand.

Buda · 19/01/2010 10:25

You really don't need to see the doctor before ttc unless one or both of you have some medical issue that you haven't mentioned on here.

All you need to do is eat healthily and take folic acid.

You really would be wasting the doctor's time. And if and when you do get PG and have children, there may well be times that your DH will need to miss meetings and there will be times that you want him to and he can't. Best to be prepared for it now!

Rebeccaj · 19/01/2010 10:25

Well...I can see his point, a bit. What is the appointment for? If you haven't started TTC yet, I'm not sure why you need a GPs appointment anyway; they'll just tell you to go away and have sex basically . Unless there are specific medical reasons you need to see the GP for, in which case he's being a bit awkward. However, if meetings are compulsory and you don't really need the GP's appt anyway, I don't think you could have expected him to miss it.

TBH, if all goes well, most of appointments relating to pregnancy (e.g. midwife appts etc) will only involve you anyway - scans excepted.

Sassybeast · 19/01/2010 10:26

What is the appointment for ?

mazzystartled · 19/01/2010 10:26

YABU, you are loading this GP appt. with too much significance. And TBH, if you conceive quickly and have a straightforward pregnancy he doesn't really need to show up for anything until you give birth (he doesn't actually NEED to be there for that either). And presumably his career will be supporting your family whilst you are on maternity leave - so it is quite important, really? Yes?

Hulababy · 19/01/2010 10:27

Actually it is not wasting a doctors time to see them before TTC. Our doctor actually recommendeds this. They do bloods to check for various immunities, and dscuss general health, etc. It is considered quite a good thing to have done, Just because most people don't, doesn't make it a problem or time waster.

However, OP, staff meetings are not optional. He is contractually bound to go to them, He should, however, already know about it by now if there is one.

nickytwotimes · 19/01/2010 10:27

Yes. These 'other appointments'. What are they?

I mean ffs he will not be able to go to all the ante natal appts with you, you do know that, don't you. He can get time off for the 2 scans, but that's it.

takethatlady · 19/01/2010 10:28

Oh my God! Talk about a slap in the face.

Okay okay IABU.

Actually this has been really helpful because I was a bit confused about why I'd have to go to the GP in the first place - it says on the conception pages that you should book an appointment when you decide you want to conceive to get info on folic acid, etc, so I thought I'd have to go. Prob just cancel the appointment now.

I'm not high maintenance! I didn't even tell him how I felt about this. Just want to do things right, and felt he was making excuses. He has missed staff meetings to go to see football before...

Anyway, I take the point. I am a dramatising self-centred bitch lol.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 19/01/2010 10:30

Quit smoking, cut down on alcohol a bit, take folic acid (any chemist/supermarket sells it), have lots of sex and chill There - saved you that drs appointment. Don't worry about blood tests, ovulation kits or anything else and good luck with it all

nickytwotimes · 19/01/2010 10:31

Oh, takethatlady.

I feel rather bad now. Sorry.

Well, you are clearly a fully fledged MNer now if you have taken a pasting on AIBU.

Well done!

GypsyMoth · 19/01/2010 10:31

go to the chemist....for the folic acid

plenty of other info around....keep away from docs for as long as poss!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 19/01/2010 10:31

The appt isnt needed (if it is just to discuss TTC) YABU as his staff meeting is compulsary.

PotPourri · 19/01/2010 10:31

LOL. All the best with TTC takethatlady - enjoy the process!

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