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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my husband should sod his stupid non-existent staff meeting

88 replies

takethatlady · 19/01/2010 10:13

Hi,

My husband and I are a couple of months off ttc our first child. He has always wanted children, as have I, but it is only in the last six months or so that we have both felt now is the right time.

Anyway, after much discussion with DH, yesterday I made an appointment for us to see our GP in a couple of week's time. It can be tricky getting appointments at our surgery, especially as he is a teacher and works half an hour away so has to have appointments last thing in the day.

When I told him I had booked it, he just said 'well, I hope I haven't got an after-school meeting that day. I'm sure I haven't, but if I have, I won't be able to go'. I said that I would expect him to be there whether he had a staff meeting or not - they're hardly important and it wouldn't matter if he missed one for a doctor's appointment. He said that staff meetings are compulsory and that he wouldn't miss it, even for this appointment, especially as it the appointment is hardly necessary in the first place.

I know he's got a point - I could just get another appointment - but this is supposed to be our first step towards creating a family together and to me it is a big deal. I want to feel like he is as excited as me, and like he's going to put our family before his stupid nondescript staff meeting that every other person in the world would just get out of if they had a doctor's appointment. It's not a big deal to miss it, and if he's going to be like this about the moment we start to ttc what's he going to be like for all the other appointments we're going to have?

The stupid thing is, he doesn't even have a meeting, so it's a pointless argument anyway. I just can't believe that he would raise it as an issue.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 19/01/2010 11:38

Ingles2 - I am glad I did take our GPs advice to go as it meant that when TTC didn't work we had a definite date in my notes, for getting infertility advice, etc. They did my immunity checks for rubella, plus other bllod tests (can't remember now). But I agree that it is not essential to go and many people don't. But it isn't time wasting was my point, as it is often recommended. Sometimes the appointmeny may be with the nurse instead.

GetOrfMoiLand · 19/01/2010 11:39

lolol Welcome to Mumsnet

And in the middle of it all we get MayorQ worshipping football.

Hulababy · 19/01/2010 11:39

Oh. My DH went to all scans and the hospital appointments as they happened. He did not come to most antenatal appointments though as he was at work. The HV did ask him to be at the booking in one, which was actually at home. And he chose to come to one other to hear the heartbeat during the pregnancy.

Morloth · 19/01/2010 11:40

Could be Quintessential I am 32 this time as opposed to 27. I think it probably has something to do with how it seems rather than how it is.

I am fortunate enough to have pretty standard pregnancies, no actual problems.

I think last time there was not that much difference between how I felt before hand and during because I was so unfit. But now I have gotten used to a very strong and very fit body so the "softness" and the irritations that come with a perfectly normal pregnancy seem worse. Does that make any sense?

Not too worry, only a couple more months!

OrmRenewed · 19/01/2010 14:38

Aha! A baptism by fire survived with a good grace. Well done that woman

mascarpone · 19/01/2010 14:49

Takethatlady - I have a whole box of folic acid left over from last time if you'd like me to post it to you? Email me if you'd like it seagole at googlemail dot com

PS you're a braver woman than me - I have never dared post in AIBU!

Original poster

takethatlady · 19/01/2010 16:13

Thanks mascarpone - I don't think I realised what I was getting myself in for!

OP posts:

venusandmars · 19/01/2010 16:56

I am so glad to see how this thread has played out.

It's 17 years since I had my dd2, and in that time, so much has become overly complicated (how to place your baby when sleeping, an ever longer list of what not to eat, etc). When I saw the OP, I thought Oh No - this is a step too far.

So I am pleased that it is not yet obligatory to visit your doctor before getting pregnant, and I am extra pleased that this thread has been so gracious and nice.

AnyFucker · 19/01/2010 16:58

welcome to mumsnet takethatlady

good luck ttc...and relax

don't be too upset if it doesn't happen immediately (imagines ttl to have a slot in her diary for exactly eleven months time...)

you have taken the teasing in good grace...and for that you are very, very welcome

Goblinchild · 19/01/2010 17:05

That was my mistake AnyFucker.
After years of being very careful not to get pregnant and have fun instead, I was outraged to find it didn't happen at the drop of a pair of knickers.
She was pencilled in for September but actually arrived in March.

AnyFucker · 19/01/2010 18:49

goblin, mine was pencilled in for 1992

she finally arrived in 1995

Original poster

takethatlady · 19/01/2010 19:23

Don't worry - we're not planning anything as far as that goes. We're both 27, happy in our jobs, happy with our social lives, and willing to make the most of that for as long as it lasts (however long that is)! And we know there's no need to rush or panic at our age... it just feels pretty momentous, after eleven years together and all eleven years on the pill, to think that we won't have to be cautious anymore! And I guess it's just easy to get caught up in the excitement of it.

The only thing as regards timing is that it would be pretty stupid of me to get deliberately pregnant before April (hence stopping the pill at that moment) because of complicated maternity leave issues. Knowing my luck if I came off the pill any second before that I'd get pregnant at the drop of a hat and be stuck up a creek... As I'm being sensible it'll probably take years!

OP posts:

pointysaysrelax · 19/01/2010 19:38

good luck, takethat

butadream · 19/01/2010 19:44

Good luck, takethatlady.

Can't see it's been mentioned on this thread already but if you're concerned about any possible inherited problems like sickle cell anaemia or something then I can still see the point of going to the GP first, although don't think it has to be both of you together.

noblegiraffe · 19/01/2010 20:18

Staff meetings are directed time and will have been put in the school diary before the start of the year. So he should be able to find out when they are well in advance!

MorrisZapp · 19/01/2010 20:28

Aww bless the wee OP. Well handled.

Fwiw, many docs can't raise a glimmer of interest even when you are PG. My best friend went to her GP when she was PG, doc said OK hand the test in at reception. Then just sat there.

Then she said 'sorry, was there something else?'

Romanarama · 19/01/2010 20:33

takethatlady don't cancel your appointment. If I were you I would go to the GP now, before you ttc (on your own - you don't need your dh), and request a blood test to check your immunity to rubella, varicella, and toxoplasmosis and cytomegalovirus (sp?). These are all infections that can seriously harm your unborn child. If you are not immune to toxoplasmosis for example, you can't eat any rare meat, unpasteurised cheese, salad you're not sure has been properly washed, pate, supermarket sushi, etc, during pregnancy. If you've already been exposed and are immune then you don't have to worry about any of that at all. So it's something you would be wise to find out.

My dh came to all my antenatal appointments for ds1 and some for subsequent babies. It was a good way for him of understanding the mechanics of pregnancy and childbirth. Men can be amazingly stupid uninformed about this kind of thing. I mean he didn't know what a cervix was lol

LaurieFairyCake · 19/01/2010 20:39

Staff meetings are compulsory. Properly compulsory, as are parents evenings and open evenings.

Book it in half-term. It's every six weeks so won't be that difficult.

Get used to doing that always as you will have to get used to it if you are going to have children with a teacher.

PS. they won't be able to go to plays/nativities - just giving you a heads up as want to prepare you.

karen2205 · 19/01/2010 21:18

Why do you need to go to the GP together? Normally GPs will only see one person per appointment or they can't deal with all the issues in the time available, so why not keep your appointment as booked and ask him to book his own appointment at a time convenient to him?

almondfinger · 19/01/2010 21:29

Nice turnaround on this thread.

Get on the folic acid now, also eat full fat milk, cheese, proper butter. No low fat and no crappy marg. You need good Vitamin A levels to get pregnant. Just be moderate.

Cut out the fags/drink. Cut down on the tea and coffee.

Get him some zinc for sperm health and motility and bobs your uncle.

We'll be taking the pi$$ out of your choice of baby names in no time

Good luck

fruitstick · 19/01/2010 21:44

Welcome takethatlady.

I would second all the advice on here although might add that both of my children were conceived during nights of drunken abandon (DS1 conceived in the 'not trying not to get pregnant' phase).

And please, for DH' sake, don't equate an interest in pregnancy with excitement about becoming a father. My DH found the whole pregnancy thing a bit icky if I'm honest and certainly didn't want me to discuss my cervix at any point .

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 19/01/2010 22:02

Sorry but can I hold up the conversation for a moment. Morloth, did you say you had lost 65kg???? Respect to you if I read it right.

As you were.

Oh and TTL - do think about school years - your DH is a teacher so he will be with me one this - it makes such a difference for a child to be old in their year rather than young, so do when you start make sure 9 months will get you a lovely winter term birthday. My DS is late August and it made life just so much harder for him...a different thread, but while you are thinking about it, one piece of advice I wish I'd had.

Ozziegirly · 20/01/2010 06:43

takethatlady, I actually did go to the Dr before we started ttc, as it is encouraged in Australia.

I had a full blood test and they discovered that I wasn't immune to some things that I would have expected to be (Mumps, chicken pox and measles I seem to recall) so I had the MMR and chicken pox jab and also the flu jab.

Felt nice to have these up to date before I was pregnant.

Also confirmed stuff like good iron levels in the blood, no diabetes, that kind of thing - really a small medical I suppose.

Good luck with the ttc!

Longtalljosie · 20/01/2010 07:22

TTL - are you on folic acid, or an integrated pregnancy supplement now? My GP said in a perfect world these days they like you to have a couple of months "under the belt" pre-conception. So the sooner, the better..

Romanarama · 20/01/2010 09:00

Also, if you do get pregnant, keep taking the folic acid right the way through as it also helps to prevent pre-term labour. Don't stop at 3 months.

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