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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting to go to a do

29 replies

Fibilou · 19/01/2010 05:33

I am due on Sunday. DH has to run a cheese and wine night for our Rotary club on the 5th February - by which point I could still be overdue as I would be 41+5. I have told him I won't be going as I will either be very overdue or have an extremely young baby.

He thinks AIBU and I should get one of our sets of parents to babysit. I should point out here that I intend to BF; DH seems to be under the impression that babies come with a switch that makes them sleep/feed/whatever just when you want them to and I don't seem to be able to convince him otherwise. He really doesn't seem to think our lives are going to change that much.

AIBU in thinking that going out from 5pm until midnight with a tiny baby is not reasonable ?

OP posts:
poguemahone · 19/01/2010 05:43

YANBU. Is he kidding? 7 hours away from a newborn? Even if you could bear to be away from your new baby for that long your boobs will explode.

Original poster
Fibilou · 19/01/2010 05:47

Thanks, I am a bit of a pessimist so always expect the worst (am expecting baby to feed constantly, never sleep and produce vomit/poo for England) so DH thinks I am being a bit of a "drama queen" about how much our lives are going to turn upside down.

His helpful suggestion was that I brought the baby to the do...

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Original poster
Fibilou · 19/01/2010 05:49

I also pointed out that I doubted very much that even if she feeds/sleeps/etc like a clockwork doll that I would actually want to be away from my newborn baby for any more than totally necessary

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crazycat34 · 19/01/2010 05:50

My DH had all sorts of funny ideas about what we/I'd be able to do in the early days until LOs actually arrived! He wasn't BU, just a little naive...

I just smiled and okayed everything because I knew that by the time it mattered he'd have forgotten it all anyway.

Funny how none of it ever got mentioned again!

I wouldn't argue about it now, by the time you are either very overdue or have a newborn it will become glaringly obvious to him anyway!

racmac · 19/01/2010 06:38

aaahh bless him ! He is in for a hell of a shock.

Like Crazycat i wouldnt bother arguing about it - it is going to be obvious that you cant and dont want to leave the LO

Good luck!

chimchar · 19/01/2010 06:46

you are not being in the tennnnnniest tinyest bit u, however he is!!!

you cannot underestimate how things will change when your bump lands. whatever the case, enjoy your evening home alone, either big n fat, vegging and stuffing chocolates and resting and watching what you like on tv, or have a warm snuggly time in with your new baby.... do not attempt to go! (or you could really scupper his plans and go into labour on that day!!)

good luck when it happens!

nickschick · 19/01/2010 07:23

He will change all his views within a week of your baby being born.....for now just ride it out and let him 'enjoy' his last moments of 'oblivion' lol - just say to him youll see how you'll feel on the day- nobody will be expecting you -except your poor misguided(for now cackle)dh .

WhatNoLunchBreak · 19/01/2010 08:21

YANBU at all. Hopefully it's just because he has absolutely no idea what happens to your lives when a baby comes along. Cheese and wine? Barely remembered to pee let alone feed myself!

diddl · 19/01/2010 08:27

Oh my goodness!

I had easy pregnancy/birth.

Up& about & showered within an hour.

Baby took to breastfeeding easily.

But you could not have prised me away from baby at a couple of weeks.

It was all I could do to let GPs cuddle.

Would keep hoping baby would cry for a bfeed so could have them back

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 19/01/2010 08:27

Well, the key is in the "DH has to run a cheese and wine night "

I expect it was not you signing up/volunteering to host it, so he should be able to do it on his own. He can get one of your parents to help him deal with the cheese and the wine, while you stay home dealing with the sleep and the feeds.

This is a moment where you can raise both hands in the air, smile as sweetly or as manically as you want and say "nothing to do with me".

DaftApeth · 19/01/2010 08:40

What will he do if you are actually in labour at the time of the event?

Original poster
Fibilou · 19/01/2010 09:08

That, Daftapeth, is a very good question and I will have to remind him to make contingency plans. He does have a committee (he is social secretary for our club, I run the community fundraising team). I don't think me being in labour on that night has occurred to him tbph.

DaftApeth - that reminds me so much of my Nan

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lucyellensmumagain · 19/01/2010 09:30

I remember when my bosses wife was pregnant, he actually stood there and said "oh i really don't see how our lives will change that much just because we are having a baby" My friend and I looked at each other and literally fell over laughing!! he just stood there looking

underactivethyroidmum · 19/01/2010 10:47

Fibilou - as a fellow rotarians wife I would be tempted to ring all our fellow ratarians up and explain the dilemma

I'm certain that this would produce an avalanche of offers to help which in return would allow you to take a back seat

I would also be tempted to 'pop in' for the first hour just to be polite then leave your DH to it and go home to baby for some selfish cuddles all alone

knickerelasticjones · 19/01/2010 10:54

You are certainly NBU - but your DH is!!

As everyone above says, there's not only the issue of being away from your tiny baby, but also YOU might not want to be at the event.

I don't want to be pessimisitic (and I'm hoping you have a lovely birth) but in the first few weeks after my DD1 was born I looked dire, felt like an elephant, had leaky boobs, and could't sit down really very comfortably. There is NO WAY on God's green earth I would have gone to a wine and cheese party.

Plus I couldn't bear to leave DD for more than a minute. ( I used to take her to the loo with me - poor child......)

ZacharyQuack · 19/01/2010 11:04

More importantly, make sure he organises plenty of wine and cheese for you to eat while you're at home cuddling your lovely wee baby.

dopeydoot · 19/01/2010 11:04

hmmm... important do (to dp at least) then it sounds like you know exactly when your baby is likely to be born if Sod's Law has anything to do with it!

porcamiseria · 19/01/2010 11:06

he will learn, he will learn, I would say not even worth disputing right now, once baby is out he will laugh at having even suggested it!!!!!

megapixels · 19/01/2010 11:12

He is crazy. Of course YANBU.

PurpleEglu · 19/01/2010 11:15

I think it's very funny that he thinks that is possible.

Good chance baby won't be born yet, or asdopeydoot says that will be when you go into labour.

Please do update us as to what heppens though.

bobblehat · 19/01/2010 11:21

There's the third option that you will at that time be actually giving birth, in which case he won't make it either! Has he thought of that?

happymatleave · 19/01/2010 11:29

YANBU - I actualy think that he shouldn't go either. Fair enough if you have not had the baby yet but if you have it may only be a few days old and your DH's job is to be at home supporting you, cooking you meals, bringing you drinks while you feed etc. It's his baby too!

squeaver · 19/01/2010 11:29

He just doesn't realise. But he will.

But you should think of a plan B - what if you are in labour?

Original poster
Fibilou · 19/01/2010 11:37

I pointed out the labour issue this morning. He really thinks the baby is going to come on Sunday ! Anyway he is now going to make an alternative arrangement.

UATM - I am a rotarian as well so our whole club knows the situation as they've watched the bump expand every Friday morning ! I think they probably assume that I won't be there as I'm on leave of absence from this Friday. I have told him his committee will have to do the on the night organising, it won't be a problem as we're quite a young, mixed sex club and lots of the members have children in their teens and early twenties so can remember what having babies was like

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Original poster
Fibilou · 19/01/2010 11:45

Oh, and this will make you laugh.

I am on the conference team for our district (Kent and East Sussex) for 2010 - we have a big conference for 1000 delegates at the end of October. There is a conference exhibition on the 23rd and 24th February in London. DH thought we could go and "make a night of it", staying in a hotel. I asked what he planned to do with the potentially 2 week old newborn, breastfed baby overnight and he said "leave her with my Mum or your Mum".

I really cannot wait to see the scales fall from his eyes so I can say "I told you so"

Although a very large bit of me is desperately hoping he will be proved right and we will be blessed with the The World's Easiest Most Placid Baby Tm

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