about cash wedding gifts

[Buzzybb]

I have been invited to 3 weddings, 2 family members and 1 involving a trip abroad. Two of the invites request cash gifts and one bride has told me that they are using the money given as gifts to pay for their dream wedding so it is a case of asking moer guests to get more money. I am ona budget and can afford a nice gift but really cannot afford cash [When I checked how much should be given was told £ 100 +] am feeling a bit bullied and v cross at being put in a position where I feel guilty, poor and a bit mean as I cannot afford to gve cash What would ye do [1 bride has said straight out she wants cash only]

Prettyballerina, that is worse then asking for cash. Anyway after a walk My decision is not to go to my cousin's wedding in Sth Africa, it will be to long a trip with 12 m dd but I will take dn's and dn to allow sis to go and will think of an appropriate gift Yes Expat I prob will regret it but thats life. Will obv go to brother but have asked best friend to take baby and she said yes and will get sil to help and my 2 dn's can stay with her also [this means that I have to go home] will give the cake and will give cash gift will find £100 no hols this year . Wil go to friends wedding but will give a gift or as many of ye suggested a charity donation but will wait until not so p'd off and donate to a charity they would like and not pick one the would hate. Off to tell mother the decision so wait for fire work

Amen, BigBadMummy.

We have gotten solicitations for cash for weddings.

Why not just charge admission, it would be more honest?

And yep, decline them all.

Again, I'm the sort who usually gives money, anyhow.

I just find a) expecting a gift from a guest is crass b) basically telling people that no other gift but cash is welcome is a big Fuck Off IMO.

Want a honeymoon, pay for it yourself!

Why aren't these brides who want everyone else to pay for their wedding either
a) waiting until they can actually afford it themselves instead of the want-it-gotta-have-it-NOW mentality
or
b) having a modest wedding within budget and then making the most of the chance of a wedding list to get all the nice things for their house - wine glasses, dinner service, lovely table linen etc that all costs loads and that would be hard to buy themselves but that guests will be delighted to buy for them,knowing they are paying for things that will be used for years and years?

They will rue the day when they host a special dinner and find they have no Vera Wang covered vegetable dish because they asked people to pay for that extra dessert option at their wedding

You could, I suppose, start introducing brochures, menus, venue ideas etc etc and say 'As we have shares in this wedding it's only fair that we have a say in where it's held/what we eat/what we drink/ whether we have Big Tommy's Oompah Band. Also we think should wear this dress/those flowers in your hair/this pair of shoes.'

Do you think the bride will be charging her firstborn for each feed?

LRD....who said I have too much time???

Cannot believe how rude some people are, £100 per person. Who does she think she is to demand that amount of money in this financial crisis. If you can't afford a big wedding then don't bloody have one.

Oooh it makes me so mad that they think that their wedding is so much more important than anything else that is going on in the world. My sis and BIL got married a few years ago, it was a good wedding. A couple of months after the wedding, I announced that I was pg with no.2. My sis told me that BIL was upset that now it would overshadow his wedding . I had waited until after the wedding on purpose to start ttc as I didn't want that to happen. Fortunately for him, I had a m/c so we could carry on looking at his pics and videos without my bump getting in the way .

Good on your prettyballerina you just cannot let people walk over you like that, give an inch they take a mile. I am [shocked] at your dp family they sound really cheeky, rude and insensitive and if it were me i would definitely say something. Mabey now your dp has stood up to them they will be less cheeky. Congrats btw pretty you spend your time with your lovely newborn and family

Bluesheep, I am too not much of a friend then! Better without them tbh, real friends dont do this, sounds like she is still at schoool tbh

Totally scrummy I am shocked at the sheer grabbiness, rudeness and audacity of some people getting married that i have heard on here. I have never ever come across it myself and hope I never do I am and that people can be so rude. If one of my friends or relatives were like that i would not go, or give a gift of my choosing. If you cannot afford to have the wedding of your dreams dont or save up until you can afford the wedding and honeymoon like most people. I would never ever expect guests to give cash and stipulate how much, what has happened to pride and decency.

Is there anything worse than the god-awful poems people put in with wedding invitations to try to disguise their demands for cash?

I recently got "As we have lived together for some time (nice one for the grannies, that) and have everything we need (smug bastards) we would really appreciate contributions towards our forthcoming DIY projects."

Or there was the friend who got married in Italy last summer who had not 1 but 3 wedding lists! One at a department store, one at a specialist kitchen store and another at Amazon. And they were enormous! Hundreds of items in total I reckon - clearly a lot of effort had gone into it...

Still, would rather buy a book than a day of someone's honeymoon!

We got invited to a wedding a couple of years ago where they asked for cash IN the wedding invitation AND kindly provided their bank details.

Just buy a goat for a family in Rwanda on behalf of your friends. Or 100 goats, if necessary.

Greedy fuckers.

Providing bank details is beyond obnoxious.

I have to say RE my in laws, it is cultural and unlike the OP they didn't specify amounts but it is assumed in Ireland 100 euro per guest and more if you are staying in the hotel. Many people make more than enough to cover the cost of the wedding, often upwards of 20 grand!

I found it sad that some of their old family friends didn't go because he had been made redundant. The wedding was in his village, so I assume he didn't go because he couldn't afford the present.

I think it is vulgar to have a huge wedding anyway, but that is entirely the choice of the couple, each to their own. How can they stand up and be the centre of attention amongst their closest family and friends knowing you have made such unreasonable demands from them.

In Belgium, where we currently live, it's standard practice to print your bank details on the invitation - not even in the accompanying paper with all the info.

Sayanything

grabby is the word that springs to mind. I'd just show up and not bother getting them a cash gift. they deserve nothing even for asking for money! v cheeky

There is no way I would give a gift if I were making someone's wedding cake. That's insane

If someone was so grabby they give out their bank details like that it'd be tempting to accidentally slip those to the wrong person.

We got married in 2008 and had a fairly small wedding/ reception/ party, which we paid for. We went to Washington DC on honeymoon, all paid for in advance by us.
Some people bought us wedding presents but for those who asked us we said honeymoon spending money (dollars).
We found it worked really well and everyone seemed happy with it, some of the 'gifts' were fantastic, one was our cake, another couple looked after the cats for us, a hugely appreciated but low cost gift (cattery fees would have been extortionate but they gave their time to come round daily ).
To ask just for cash to pay for the wedding itself is awful imo

there's a simple answer to those who can't afford to get married lavishly - compromise to having a small wedding which costs v little (ie reg office) or just don't get married at all. People want it all these days. It's ridiculous.

I agree.

I don't get all this 'we can't afford to get married'.

It costs about £75. Rings not required.

Do it.

Tell everyone you did because you don't have any money for a ceremony.

Job done.

Giving out bank details?
I don't even like getting the gift list info in with the invitation as that's saying, "We'd love you to come to our wedding, oh and here's the list of presents you can choose to buy for us while you're at it" but this takes that presumption to new limits
expat is right - it's a myth that it costs a lot to get married. It only costs a lot if you want the bells and whistles and if you can't afford it then either save up until you can or go down the less expensive route.