about cash wedding gifts

[Buzzybb]

I have been invited to 3 weddings, 2 family members and 1 involving a trip abroad. Two of the invites request cash gifts and one bride has told me that they are using the money given as gifts to pay for their dream wedding so it is a case of asking moer guests to get more money. I am ona budget and can afford a nice gift but really cannot afford cash [When I checked how much should be given was told £ 100 +] am feeling a bit bullied and v cross at being put in a position where I feel guilty, poor and a bit mean as I cannot afford to gve cash What would ye do [1 bride has said straight out she wants cash only]

We often refuse invites if they are sent with a 'gift' request for money. Which is a shame really because I spend a fucking fortune on presents.
But not when people ask. On no indeedy
I offered to pay the hotel reception wine/bar bill at one because I knew they were broke. But another who wrote and requested money for a extended honeymoon got a camping stove

(No.They don't camp)

Sorry, Buzzy, but you need to grow a spine.

Stealth Polar bear, Yes the bride said if we get £100 per guest [not the childern] it will pay for the wedding with some left over. It is a large wedding over 150 invited to main event and more to the evening event also very Irish in style really but I know that in Irl I have often given gifts or made the cake and it was enough, the credit crunch seems to be affecting the type of wedding they can afford so they are using the guests to get the day they cannot afford.

Then tell the recession is affecting you too and itemize how much it cost for a 'few cupcakes'.

Seriously! Got and show them receips for butter, flour, sugar, eggs and then take a log of how many hours it took you when they balk at you.

And sorry, but I have no problem telling my own family where to get if they ever went this far out of a line, which they haven't.

I'd with Expat and would have declined all the invites too.

I think its extremely rude to ask for cash, vouchers, wedding list - although a discrete wedding list with reasonable items being available only if asked for is ok (the older generation sometimes like lists). Asking for cash is like charging an entry fee to the event.

I much prefer "proper" weddings, small intimate gatherings where the actual marriage is the most important thing not the matching place cards and expensive day.

If people want a big day and honeymoon, they should wait until they can afford it rather than expect the guests to fund their choices.

Oh my goodness! I have been asked for cash gifts before and have reluctantly given £10 or £20, I can't afford anymore. In this case my usual amount would be so far below their expectations that I think I would be tempted to ignore their request and give them a small gift instead.

show the family these links (and search for others):

here

this

you are easily saving them over £100

did they say that about the cupcakes? i'm furious on your behalf! buy 200 tesco value cupcakes and take them to the wedding in the unopened boxes./

I'd not bother billing them because they'd never pay you.

But zero way I'd give them a penny after making those cakes.

And again, I'd have an itemized list and hand it to anyone who spouted that 'it's just a few cupcakes' bollocks.

Ok, last post cos I'm enjoying this thread far too much in a vindicated way and ought to go get some work done.

Happymummyofone '
If people want a big day and honeymoon, they should wait until they can afford it rather than expect the guests to fund their choices.'

Exactly! My partner and I rent our place, we have around 25k debt from university and I'm doing a postgrad degree in a subject unlikely ever to earn me much money. While we could go with the flow and ask wedding guests to pay off our student loans or buy us a trip to the Maldives or something, we'd rather eat our own feet!

Horrible. LittleRedDragon hit the nail on the head. I think brides and grooms often completely loose perspective on reality and seem to think that their wedding will be the life-changing event of the century for every one of their guests and that the wedding is some sort of benevolent affair for the benefit of those attending, who should therefore be more than happy to contribute for the very great priveledge of attending this life-affirming experience. Or something.

Money is a horrible thing to ask for, and specifying an amount is just unspeakably vile. Definitely give an ultimatum re cake vs cash. I can't believe the cheek!

As I am going to bake the cake,
No shopping trips I must make,
No gift list will I have to read,
No cash withdrawals I will need,
I am so happy that is true,
To give a cake to both of you,
Sweetness and beauty with each bite,
For guests to much on with delight.

Now fuck off with your request of moneyxxx

tell them you are happy to give them a gift of money but you will be charging for the cake at cost price, give them a quote.

Or that they can have the cake as a gift instead, not both.

I made a retirement cake recently for 120 people and it cost be about £40 just in ingredients and materials, plus about 5 hours time - people don't get that it isn't just a cheap little hobby you do on the side.

I would have no problem giving vouchers or cash to a couple who were genuinely starting out (we asked for vouchers towards a sofa for our first flat when we got married) but to ask for people to pay for your wedding or even for your honeymoon is grabby and rude IMO.

lovely posie.

but shouldn't that last be a couplet

perfect posie, esp the last line

Posieparker I love the poem , am off for a walk to grow a spine to say no to one wedding and accept the other two on my terms God I am a wimp, buy a card and insert your poem

oh, and if it comes the choice between holiday for my family and someone's farking wedding the holiday for the family wins every time.

i'd tell them all no.

fuck that.

i'd never do that to my family so why do that to them in return?

£100 per guest???? So £200 per couple? Are they completely mad (as well as rude and obnoxious)? I had a Greek wedding, where it's customary to give money, but we wouldn't even dream of asking for it or specifying an amount.

Buzzy, obviously the cake is gift enough. If you really feel you have to get them something on top of that, get them a card.

I am shocked tbh , how rude and bridezilla like my goodness. Look if they want cash just give what you can afford you do not have to give £100, we would all like things we cannot have, they should just be grateful for any gift. Just get them gift cards or something that is not hard cash so that they can get something they like.

LOL PosieParker

I'd tell them to go stuff themselves too! I've given gifts of that value to particularly close friends, but they were gifts, not cash. I think if I was asked for cash, I'd probably give around the £100 mark for the 4 of us (DH, 2xDS and I). Certainly not £400 minus whatever their child discount is!

As I am going to bake the cake,
No shopping trips I must make,
No gift list will I have to read,
No cash withdrawals I will need,
I am so happy that is true,
To give a cake to both of you,
Sweetness and beauty with each bite,
For guests to much on with delight,
Topped with fondant flavoured with honey,
Now fuck off with your request of moneyxxx

Just for Pag!!

munch....not much!!!

Just perfect now !

I have read more of your post Buzz and I am shocked at their audacity, you are making the cake, that is a gift in itself they are being rude obnoxious. Please do not feel bad you have every right to feel the way you do, why are you going? With that attitude i would give them a very cheap gift like it or lump it tbh, this type of thing makes me When i got married 5 years ago we did not have a list just, when people rang up to see what we wanted just told them if you want to get a gift just use your imagination or a gift card.