about cash wedding gifts

[Buzzybb]

I have been invited to 3 weddings, 2 family members and 1 involving a trip abroad. Two of the invites request cash gifts and one bride has told me that they are using the money given as gifts to pay for their dream wedding so it is a case of asking moer guests to get more money. I am ona budget and can afford a nice gift but really cannot afford cash [When I checked how much should be given was told £ 100 +] am feeling a bit bullied and v cross at being put in a position where I feel guilty, poor and a bit mean as I cannot afford to gve cash What would ye do [1 bride has said straight out she wants cash only]

I have to say that usually I fall into the 'give them what they really want' camp and have always happily given cash if that's what the couple would like. I've also given travel agent vouchers towards a honeymoon.

BUT even I would baulk at giving any cash at all if it had been demanded in such a crass fashion, especially if I was already donating my time, effort and expertise by making the cake. A cake like that would cost £200+ anyway!

Also I have only ever given cash to the value of a gift I would buy- usually around the £50 mark. To demand £100 is outrageous! They've got a damned cheek.

I would just say that you had assumed that your cake-making skills were your present to them and leave it at that. If they're so rude as to say any further, ask them which they would prefer- the cake or the cash. Make it clear that it's either or. And in the case of the wedding abroad, I wouldn't worry about any gift anyway. Your presence there should be enough.

I gave £35 John Lewis vouchers to friends who married last yr. They hadn't even mentioned a list and only when asked admitted that they had everything but if I really wanted to, JL credit would be fab. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE CHEEK!!!!! I would give them £100, and bill them for £300 and no, I'm not joking!

sorry - you didn't say only!! don't know where i got that from. but you saying you got a sour look, very rude for a very generous gift.

thing is, it really comes down to people having good manners or not. as i said we didn't ask for anything - cash or gifts. we were delighted with any gifts we got and not a bit bothered about size/type of gift.

we invited the people who we wanted to be there, and we had a fabulous day. it is nice to have a few bits that we can look at down the years and remember the day and those who gave the item to us. cash isn't quite the same - although i spent our cash gifts on things for the house it isn't the same as the gifts that people chose themselves, much more meaningful even though some aren't really to my taste.

Well, Ceres, it was what I was thinking! I though 60 quid was a lot but apparently not.

I think the problem is, increasingly people think, 'we're putting on a very expensive party for you guests, you owe us for it!' Not a nice attitude! I'm not well off at all at the moment. The next wedding I'm invited to, the bride and groom expect guests to travel there (150miles round trip for me), pay for drinks, stay until midnight, book a hotel, and see them off in the morning. We're also warned that there will be outside photographs, but apparently winter coats are to be left inside, and we are to bring a change of footwear for dancing.

Eh?!

Yet I am pretty sure that the bride and groom feel they've spent a lot of money on a nice party for us ... so we are the lucky ones who ought to 'chip in' for it all. I don't think this is an unusual attitude, sadly.

thesecondcoming - type 'wedding', 'chat' or 'forum' into google and pick a site if you want people who ask for cash. I wanted to find a wedding forum where I could share ideas but they could really put you off shacking up!

The only time that I have given cash (have done vouchers when I knew the bride/groom were putting them towards a large item like a dining table) was when the bride and groom were desperatly saving for a house deposit - as they were living in one room of a shared house to save more, there was no room for material gifts.

In your case, surely your gift is the cake ? Thats a lot of work to put in

a tea cosy or a posh toilet brush maybe.
Can I justclarify, the bride/groom told you the £100 figure personally?

We asked for money for our wedding rather than have a list, purely because we were renting, had been living together for a couple of years anyway, and felt that contributions to a house deposit was more valuable to us than 'stuff'. We requested this using a poem I found on the web - you know, "Your presence at our wedding is present enough" yada yada yada.

We received gifts ranging from £5000 (parents) to £0, lots of friends gave us £10 or £20 and several people chose gifts themselves all of which were gratefully received and treasured.

Not for one moment would I feel it was appropriate to set a figure on how much a wedding gift 'should' be, and for us it was genuinely our priority that people should be able to come and celebrate with us.

Ignore the 'limit' and either state that your cake is the gift (a not inconsiderable one IMO!), or give them a smaller cash sum, or buy them something else entirely to suit your budget. I cannot imagine anyone would be ungrateful enough to complain about any of those options!

God this makes me so fucking cross. a relative got married recently and said 'only money, we've got everything we need, and we want a swanky honeymoon.' I then had to watch her opening all this envelopes and squealing MONEY! MONEY! every time she saw a cheque. When my mother gave her a hand-made heirloom gift that had taken many hundreds of hours to make, she was much less impressed.

I later learnt they'd made nearly two and a half grand.

Another friend is getting married. They want a honeymoon to Florida. They're asking for money to put towards the honeymoon. However, they won't know HOW MUCH they can spend on the Florida trip until after they've got all their presents...so they'll be just having a shitty rubbish little break first, you know, so as not to be cripplingly depressed at having to wait to go to Florida. The shitty little trip is to Venice.

It makes me want to throw up. My wedding dress was home-made and cost £80, then we took the sleeper train to Edinburgh. YOUNG PEOPLE THESE DAYS! (ahem. I'm 30).

PS - later we found out that they had far from everything they needed - ie, no ironing board, and hardly any plates.

Has anyone ever given an ironing board as a wedding gift?

Imagine wrapping it!

Har har clam, good point!

I guess I'm coming from the position of having had a traditional marriage, ie, we were setting up home together and had nothing, and our lovely guests furnished us with everything we could possibly need. We came home from honeymoon to a flat full of plates and wine glasses and an iron and, memorably, a stack of feather pillows...

I still maintain asking someone who's generously making cakes for a £100 gift is so fucking rude I'd be putting crushed senokot in the icing.

Oh, lor', the 'asking for gifts' poems! Is it me, or are they just a cutesy way of covering the bride and groom's embarrassment at being so greedy? This is a real example. Enjoy, folks:

So what do you get
For the bride and groom
Whose house needs things
In every room?
When shopping for a present please don?t be rash
As there is always the option
To just give cash!
We hope you don?t find
Our request to be funny
But we really would appreciate
A gift of money

OP, I think the cake would make a fabulous present.

I think asking for money is awful.

And if they can´t afford their "dream wedding", perhaps they should blöödy well save up a bit more!

When people asked what we wanted for our wedding, to close family and friends we said cash (towards a holiday)or vouchers. We didn't specify an amount, that is appalling that someone could ask for £100+!!!! I was happy with the odd £10/£20, it all mounts up. I found that people were actually quite happy to give money or vouchers. When you live together for so many years first, you just don't need as much stuff for the home. The reason for wedding gifts was people didn't live together first years ago and they were setting up home so needed stuff.

I would rather ask for something like this than somone buy something that we didn't need/already had. I hate waste and wouldn't like to think that someone had spent their hard earned money on something that wouldn't get used.

On principle, in this case though I wouldn't give it because of the sheer nerve of how much has been asked for. If they get huffy, say you think that £100 is a bit ott and you just can't afford it.

That's exactly what they are LittleRedDragon. A cute way to beg. Isn't that exactly what you want on your wedding invitation?

In truth, proper etiquette says that gifts should never be mentioned in a wedding invite. Not even to say 'no gifts please' as that implies you expect your guests to bring you gifts.

You invite people to your wedding to share your day and your joy. Not to help you pay for it, fgs.

LittleRedDragon-that "poem" is hideous.

I would have to cut contact with anyone who thought that that was acceptable!

I would decline all of those invites. I'm not interested in spending my spare time with people who have no manners, family members or not.

Hi Ceres Yes we did live in Irl but now in Uk guess I will always be Irish and yes 1 of the weddings will be an Irish couple the other two no so the asking for cash is cross cultural but yes the gift amount seems to have just replaced the amount sign from Euro to Stg Pound. Have calmed down a bit and will say no to Cousins wedding Traveling to Sth Africa a bit much and will go to other two and use my hol monies to pay for them
Regarding the cake the couple are missing the point that it costs to make not just in terms of ing but in time which is in short supply with a 5 month old Baby and all family are backing them as it is only a few cup cakes Thanks for reading my rant and making me feel normal and not a big meanie

clam I went to a friend's wedding and there was a pile of gifts, one was quite obviously a wheelbarrow, carefully wrapped! It was the star present

"it is only a few cup cakes"
someone saidthat? i would reconsider the cake offer actually. or buy them cupcakes from a cheap shop - prob still cost you £50 before icing

those poems, all of them are so far beyond crass they make the bride and groom instant candidates for an Oxfam gift, IMO.