to get depressed by the invasive Breast is Best campaign?

[TottWriter]

I have Epilepsy, and the medication I take means I can't breastfeed. I've been told by my consultant and the Epilepsy nurse and my GP that the medication could pass into my breast milk and make it unsafe for my baby to drink. I breastfed my DS for a few days so he got the colostrum (the medication was passed to him through the placenta anyway), but after that, weaned him onto the bottle (with considerable tears).

I had really looked forward to breastfeeding, and when I was told my milk would be contaminated by my meds, I felt awful, and moped over it for months. I felt a failure, because I couldn't even give it a go and see if I physically could do it.

In that time, it didn't help that everywhere I went, there seemed to be a 'Breast is Best' leaflet, article, advert or other related campagn material. In addition ot hte big leaflet that the midwife gave me, there are articles in every baby book and magazine in creation, and posters all over the Ante-Natal unit. It's so pervasive that I ended up feeling like a complete failure, that I was just letting my son down and giving him inferior food. Even Sainsburys and Boots penalise women who don't breastfeed, by not counting formula milk in bonus or double points offers until you get to the toddler milk.

I'm currently 13wks, and the whole mess is rearing its head again. This time around, I am comforted by the fact that my DS is an absolutely thriving toddler; smart, active, friendly, everything but a reliable sleeper. But still, I'm beginning to get a resurgance of my old feelings of guilt and failure. I have no problems at all with the campaign's message, or the fact that it does need to be promoted to stop the nonsense of women who just can't be bothered or don't want to spoil their appearance, or breastfeed in public. What gets me down is simply that at every stage of my pregnancy, I'm confronted with paper and people telling me the one thing I cannot do is the one thing that everyone should.

Is it unreasonable of me to feel so depressed? Is it unreasonable that at times I really resent the campaign for being in my face so much?

Tottwriter - many congratulations on your pregnancy. I really feel for you and hope you get the news you want regarding your meds.

LeQueen - I'm currently bf dc3 and I do feel proud of it because its quite a commitment. When we think of the benefits its easy to overlook the downsides of bf - selfishly for me I'd like to have a little more time to myself than I currently get.

However I don't think formula is poison but just wish that it was possible for me to say I'm proud of bf without those who've chosen not to thinking I'm making a judgement on them.

In the same way I've had 3 c-sections but am delighted to hear stories of wonderful natural births. They don't make me feel inferior for without my c-sections - well I and my dc's probably wouldn't be here.

Formula is a wonderful thing for people who need it - of course it is.

Reluctant as I am to wade into such a sensitive subject which never gets resolved on here - I think we should all be a lot easier on ourselves and eachother (God I sounds like Jerry Springer).

The reason mums get so upset about the breast is best campaign is that they would have liked to ave breastfed their babies but couldn't (like the OP). Therefore, deep down, they also believe this is their preferred choice but don't want to be reminded that things didn't go as they would have liked them to in an ideal world.

I would argue that the women who choose to formula feed from the beginning couldn't gie 2 hoots about what the NHS leaflet says.

There are many aspects to motherhood and feeding is such a small part of it. Obviously breastmilk is better than formula because it is how we are naturally intended for the baby whereas formula wasn't. BUT - it's probably only a bit better (and cheaper, more convenient etc) and certainly not worth feeling a failure over.

As a comparison, I completely failed on the whole giving birth thing. Now I know a natural birth with as little intervention as possible is best for mother and baby but DS1 was a emergency C section and D2 was full spinal block and bloody swift ventouse. I felt a failure and still do but know, really, that it doesn't make a jot of difference of how much I love my children or what kind of mother I am now. But I certainly wouldn't want a campaign promoting natural birth stopped because it might hurt my feelings.

And for what it's worth, I breastfed DS1 and then, as soon as he hit 3, shoved him in front of cbeebies with a packet of jaffa cakes so I could breastfeed DS2 .

Breastfeeding certainly doesn't make you a better mother but there's nothing wrong with informing women and encouraging them to have a go.

I relate to the OP. I lost someone close to me to suicide, and for a number of years afterwards, Suicide Prevention Week never failed to upset me. The tag line is something like it's good to talk - always wound me up, as there is hardly any investment in mental health services. If you're suicidal getting help can be nigh on impossible.

Standing back a bit though.. the problem is that most public health campaigns are a bit cheesy. Can anyone think of a good one? It's hard to make a public information film that doesn't sound patronising or naff..

And of course, proper support is what is needed. But cheesy public campaigns can be effective in getting messages out, and changing behaviour is very difficult...

Suggesting we ditch the campaign for better support is unrealistic. In a country the size of Scotland, say 5.5 million, you can run a national campaign for a year for about £30K - that wouldn't even pay for one bf-ing support nurse!

xposts with tracey

No lequeen because breastfeeding is best for your baby so it would seem odd to be proud of doing the alternative.

But as I said, it's not the be all and end all.

Being proud of feeding your children full stop, being proud of still loving them when they've been screaming for hours on end, being proud of teaching your toddler not to hit other children, being proud of your children still being alive and uninjured at the end of every day

LeQueen - interesting.

I don't think to be honest I've every heard anyone say they were proud of FF.

DS1 was only bf for 4 months so I've done my share of FF. And although the bottles were a faff - he slept well at night (much better than ds2 who was bf for a year). Also DH could look after him for a day if I wanted to go somewhere.

Going back to my birth analogy - I think that someone who gives birth with no pain relief has just cause to feel extremely proud of that. I didn't manage that so don't feel proud of my c-sections but they were necessary. So although I don't feel proud of them I accept they were necessary.

For me the key thing is though that bf is natural and thats why I do it. Perhaps the fact that I couldn't give birth naturally made me want to do one part of the childbirth/baby bit naturally.

sorry, have only read OP!

I really feel for you, Tott; as if it weren't hard enough to have to deal with being unable to fulfil a part of your role as a mother which you regard as essential.

However, I do think YAB oversensitive because of your experience. You have said that you already understand the importance of breastfeeding, which is why you planned to do it as well. So clearly you know why this campaign is necessary, and it's quite likely that you find it confrontational simply because you've been unable to bf.

My mother died long before I became a mother. If I were to respond as you have to bfing, that would mean me getting upset about seeing photo images of 3 generations of mothers in a family, or the marketing of Mother's Day, or my friends talking about how much their mothers are around to help them bring up their children, or a whole host of other things which I am unable to engage with because of having no parents. If this stuff ever upset me I would chalk it down to my being more sensitive to the subject because of my loss, and I think you should too.

I BF dd for 6 weeks, I didn't enjoy it,and stopped mainly as I had to leave her for a week to look after my dad who was suddenly diagnosed with cancer.The only NCT coffee morning I went to I was made to feel like I had 666 tattooed on my head for giving her formula.
I BF ds for 6 months, which was an altogether happier experience- he was an easier baby and I felt more confident. At 6 months he refused all milk- both mine and Formula, and just ate solids.
Both dcs ridiculously healthy- for those who've been watching the school attendance threads, mine have achieved the last 3 years with 100% attendance. They don't get upset stomachs, are never sick, and have only had the occasional cold.
I think it's a personal choice- I would personally never breast feed beyond a year, but that's just my opinion. If people want to do that- let them- their choice.

I think we are also in danger of assuming that Mumsnet and the NCT represent society at large.

Obviously the NCT are going to promote breastfeeding and obviously NCT members and people who join NCT courses are, in the main, going to be the type of mothers who would like to breastfeed.

Feeling uncomfortable feeding formula at an NCT meeting is rather like eating steak at a vegetarian barbecue .

and deaddi, coping with everything you had to deal with and a 6 week old baby is a far greater achievement than what she drank!

I hope everything worked out for you.

Haven't read all the posts, but, imo, yanbu.

I breastfed my first two until it felt right for me to stop (1 yr with ds1, 4 months with ds2), but when I had dd I couldn't really breastfeed at all.

It all went wrong. I was racing around too much and trying to squeeze in the odd 10 minutes to feed her, so it never got established. She had a crap latch and fed really inefficiently. So she lost loads and loads of weight and at 6 weeks was still nowhere near her birth weight. So I stopped.

I should be proud that I fed her exclusively for longer than average, but in fact, stopping feeding her earlier than I had wanted to, resulted in terrible postnatal depression, which took well over a year to lift and a ton of anti-depressants. I remember going to a baby group when she was about 10 weeks old and being terrified that she would need feeding because I was so ashamed that she was bottle fed. How perverse was that?

LeQueen - think of it like someone who runs a marathon. It's bloody hard, takes ages and at the end you feel brilliant that you mastered the mind over matter thing. Plus your body is flooded with all sorts of amazing feelgood hormones, etc etc, making you feel like you're riding a star. That's what it's like giving birth with no pain relief.

I also don't take Anadin unless I'm in agony - my body and mind are far more resilient as a result.

Oh, and I also run. (Not marathons, though .)

Nothing bonkers about that.

YANBU

porca - what research is that you're quoting about BF not being better than FF? And who funded the research, etc etc?

The research this week was just complete rubbish. I don't think the funding was bad, but the interpretation was bizarre.

The research showed that in Norway (I think? Some country with a v high rate of successful breastfeeding) that higher testosterone in pregnancy correlated to problems breastfeeding. That's it. That's all it showed.

Unicef thinks it's cobblers too, fwiw.

you can't please all of the people all of the time unfortunatly

I live in an area with v v low breastfeeding rates even at 6 weeks

The PCT and surestart have funded a dedicated breastfeeding support team. They offer home visits, telephone support, contact ALL new mums regardless of feeding choice within 48hrs of birth to inform of the service, visit the maternity ward everyday and talk to the mums etc etc. They rent pumps, run breastfeeding support groups at seven surestart centres so one everyday where you can go and see a bf supporter.

But it is a very fine line between this service being available to the mothers who for years have said there is not enough real life support (not a dogeared bloody poster) and trying not to upset people like the OP and others on this thread who don't want to hear the breast is best etc etc

le queen - sadly mums in the third world do have plenty to cry about when it comes to formula feeding as the advertising convinces them to use formula not bm, then they are stuck with it as a choice and can't afford it, maybe dilute it down, or can't use sterile water for the feeds, or the use of formula leads to their child getting diarrhoea and sadly dying. as a political issue, we should all be a lot more concerned about what's going on in poorer countries and encouraging bf there than worrying about mums and babies here but maybe that's another thread

I feel proud of bf all 3 of mine through thrush, mastitis, cracked nipples, middle of the night feeds blah blah blah. I'd deck anyone (or at least give them my sarky look) who suggested in rl that it wasn't something to be proud of

They can't be available for the mothers who really really need this support and then hidden away so as not to upset other mothers.

I don't really understand why you are upset OP tbh? You had no choice in the matter, you couldn't bfed, you shouldn't feel any guilt at all

sorry le queen if that was a bit off - am a bit pissed - step away from the computer ...

TrottWriter,

Congrats on your pg. I am the poster thisisyesterday spoke of. I am really sorry you have been upset by bfeeding promotion.

Dr Thomas Hale is the Professor of Paedeatrics at Texas Tech University - School of Medicine, he authors (amongst other texts onmedicines/bfeeding) Medications and Mothers Milk which is a meta analysis of research into drugs and their suitability for use in a nursing mothers. He runs a forum for medical professionals that the generalpublic can access too. He has a thread onKeppra dating back to July 2003 at which time there was not enough data to support bfing and he recommends swapping meds. By September 2009 the drug is to be changed from an L3 to a L2 in the 2010 edition of M&MM Explanations of L levels

Link to thread on Keppra here

I take 400mg of Lamictal a day (was 375mg for pgs 1&2) and I had to fight the cons. Neurologist the first time to get 'permission' to bfeed. I, not him, had to find research/data to support my choice as he had no clue as to Lamictal's safety re. bfeeding. However when I had a neuro appt when I was pg with DD3 I was actively encouraged to bf to minimise withdrawal symptoms from in-utereo exposure and told I knew more than the cons. The next appt was with the epilepsy specialist nurse who didn't even blink when I told him I was still tandem feeding DDs1&2 whilst pg.

I was originally put on Lamictal as I nearly lost my teeth on phenytoin and it was considered the safest for a female of childbearing age.

I bfed DD1 to 3.6y/o, DD2 is currently still feeding at 2.2y/o and DD3 is 13 weeks. As much as I hate anecdotal 'evidence' none of my DCs have had a problem with the drug and I have often joked with DH that if the children were this active onLamictal I would hate to see them if I wasn't!

I'm not telling you this to be smug or to make you feel guilty/angry/upset but to show you that sometimes the cons. don't know best all the time and sometimes even defer to your expertise . However I do understand how vunerable you (general you)are when pg and how difficult it is to question a specialist especially when it comes to any of the emotive issues surrounding motherhood. When you had your son you followed the best availible advice and NO-ONE should feel guilty for doing the best by their child. If the best advice is then refined/improved upon/changed after you have had to make a hard choice then that does not negate your original choice.

I wish you luck with you pg and good wishes however you chose to feed your baby (though I will be most put out if you start them on froot shoots and blended down Greggs sausage roll from 1 week )

TruthSweet, posts like yours are why I love mumsnet.

Where else could mums like the OP get such a range of input, from other mothers like you who have such relevant experience?