to get depressed by the invasive Breast is Best campaign?

[TottWriter]

I have Epilepsy, and the medication I take means I can't breastfeed. I've been told by my consultant and the Epilepsy nurse and my GP that the medication could pass into my breast milk and make it unsafe for my baby to drink. I breastfed my DS for a few days so he got the colostrum (the medication was passed to him through the placenta anyway), but after that, weaned him onto the bottle (with considerable tears).

I had really looked forward to breastfeeding, and when I was told my milk would be contaminated by my meds, I felt awful, and moped over it for months. I felt a failure, because I couldn't even give it a go and see if I physically could do it.

In that time, it didn't help that everywhere I went, there seemed to be a 'Breast is Best' leaflet, article, advert or other related campagn material. In addition ot hte big leaflet that the midwife gave me, there are articles in every baby book and magazine in creation, and posters all over the Ante-Natal unit. It's so pervasive that I ended up feeling like a complete failure, that I was just letting my son down and giving him inferior food. Even Sainsburys and Boots penalise women who don't breastfeed, by not counting formula milk in bonus or double points offers until you get to the toddler milk.

I'm currently 13wks, and the whole mess is rearing its head again. This time around, I am comforted by the fact that my DS is an absolutely thriving toddler; smart, active, friendly, everything but a reliable sleeper. But still, I'm beginning to get a resurgance of my old feelings of guilt and failure. I have no problems at all with the campaign's message, or the fact that it does need to be promoted to stop the nonsense of women who just can't be bothered or don't want to spoil their appearance, or breastfeed in public. What gets me down is simply that at every stage of my pregnancy, I'm confronted with paper and people telling me the one thing I cannot do is the one thing that everyone should.

Is it unreasonable of me to feel so depressed? Is it unreasonable that at times I really resent the campaign for being in my face so much?

YANBU, anyway medical proof recently came out that BF is not actually better than FF (and I BF for 6 months, so am not aniti it) but for anyone of a sensitive disposition its all a bit much

INGORE IT!!!

and good luck

BTW I am 10 weeks PG and I also feel really weird and nervous about the whole BF malarkey again, and I did BF!!!! so its not just you, its those darn hormones. I am scared it will be as hard as last time, and will want to start topping up sooner, anyway yada yada, again the hormones fxxk with your head I think!

"YANBU, anyway medical proof recently came out that BF is not actually better than FF (and I BF for 6 months, so am not aniti it) but for anyone of a sensitive disposition its all a bit much"

Illustrates the point I was making earlier I think.

Cory, you say:

[quote] If "breast is best" is too aggressive to put on a poster, is "exercise is good for you" or "do your heart a favour: walk 10 000 steps a day" also too aggressive?

Given that the number of people who must fail at breastfeeding for medical reasons is probably similar to those who cannot walk very much for medical reasons. Or is there any particular reason why breastfeeding is a more emotional subject than exercise?

Genuinely interested in people's responses

[/quote]

The point here is that 'breast is best' is a
superlative: it implies that anything else is less than optimum. This is not true in the OP's case (breastfeeding would be damaging to her children for reasons beyond her control).

In contrast, 'exercise is good for you' doesn't actually say, 'exercise is best for you'. Nor does 'do your heart a favour' mean 'this is best for your heart. So these adverts are nothing like as pushy.

Also, in the case of 'exercise is good for you', you're not being pushed to choose what exercise and how much - you're just being recommended to do some. This slogan applies equally to those who are restricted in the kind and amount of exercise they can do, and to those who are of ideal fitness. The 'breast is best' campaign is totally different: it makes no room for those who can't breastfeed all the time, or who can't breast feed more than the colostrum (like the OP), etc. etc.

Someone suggested that the 'every breastfeed counts' slogan is better, and I'd agree.

YANBU to be upset OP. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and had to stop meds three months before TTC. I'm now 13 weeks gone, and have yet to experience the remission that many pregnant women with RA get. It is also common for this disease to strike with a vengeance within weeks of baby's birth. As a result, mum has to go back on meds and can not continue to BF. I'm terrified of this, because we are made to feel that if we don't BF, we are setting our children up for an unhealthy future, which none of us want to do. By saying that BF is "best", the campaign tells is that anything else is not good enough, which inevitably leads to feelings of failure.

OP, you should look at it like this (I plan too - might be easier said than done though): The best thing for baby is to have a healthy mum, who is able to care for it. If that means Mum is on meds and unable to BF, so be it. She is doing the best for the child by making sure she will always be there.

I also agree with whoever said the campaign should be targeted at people around pregnant women. It seems that all too often family and friends have a negative view of BF and will start their own campaign to put you off doing it.

standanddeliver

GAWD I am so tired of the breastfeeding nazis here! and I did bloody BF

really, is this supposed to make OP (who cant) feel better ??? your point exactly is???

Good points there, Dragon. I see that my innate gentleness made me tone down the posters I invented, probably subconsciously

Though would you really react against an "exercise is best" campaign? OR "walking a mile a day is best for your heart"?

What about the school attendance posters? They tend to be very judgy in tone.

I do agree with you though; posters have to be well thought out.

LeQueen says it well.

YANBU to feel this way, though you must remmeber that sometimes things pop out at you as being everywhere when you are senstive to them ie if you've lost a baby every where you look there is a pregnant woman iyswim.

You seem to feel that breast best and its the fact that you weren't able to do this that is upsetting you.

YANBU to get depressed, but it would be wrong I think to tone down the campaign because of the minority who want to BF but can't.

Also, I've never understood the idea that a poster can make you want to do the opposite - isn't this a childish response, like touching wet paint?

Surely nobody really believes in BF but decides not to because they didn't like the bossy tone of a poster?

As for giving up smoking I've always assumed it was an excuse 'I'm not giving up smoking, just to annoy the anti smokers'.

Thanks you all your responses, peeps!

For the people who have mentioned about medications being safe to breastfeed with, I'll clarify the situation a little. Possibly I should have done that earlier...

The medication I'm on is a relatively new one (Keppra, or Levetiracetam). When I concieved last time, the research done amounted to there being less than 60 women on record who had carried full term while taking the tablets, and there was no available research as to whether it passed into the breast milk. I basically had to decide whether to risk it or to play it safe.

This time, I've been told by my neurologist that the research into the effects of taking the tablets while pregnant is ongoing, but he's useless enough not to know anything about how far research into its presence in breastmilk is. I'm going to give up on him and start researching myself, and I've got my fingers crossed that it'll be good news, though I've prepared myself for a similar disappointment.

I also completely agree with those that say the campaign needs to target the mum-to-be's support network, because even leaving aside the medication issue, I think my mum's assumption was that I would bottle feed. It isn't exactly encouraging for those who can if everyone around them gives no help at all (and if the midwives in the maternity ward don't have any idea what to really do as was my brief experience...)

In my experience, the campaign is pretty poor and the money spent on it fails to address the main problems; lack of adequate, informed, help and support on how to get started and how to keep going.
I failed to breastfeed. We spent 5 days in hospital and no two helpers - midwives, counsellors and peer supporters - said the same thing, and we left still not latched on and resorting to bottles, and several weeks and two bouts of really bad delirium inducing mastitis later, finally giving up pumping and going to formula.

A lot of people I know failed to breastfeed for various reasons, often including poor support. To a woman, they wanted to breastfeed, and pretty much all of them have admitted feeling absolutely awful about failing, especially when confronted with "Breast is Best" posters, the GPs and HVs and immunisation nurses continually saying "are you still breastfeeding?" and then being all negative when told no. We had to justify ourselves at mother and baby groups, and felt unwelcome at some. We've been told again and again that we just didn't try, and that gets repeated ad nauseum here on mumsnet. Believe me, we tried, we really tried, and we've cried and cried when it didn't work out.

I'm pregnant again. I hope to breastfeed this time. But, I'm afraid of going through the same horrible feelings of failure. Afraid enough to be having nightmares about it at 9 weeks pregnant. Breast may be best, but "breast is best" is not the best way to get breastfeeding levels up.

TottWriter - I am not going to join in the AIBU but wanted to show you this page from Dr Tom Hale's Breastfeeding and Medications Forum. He is one of the world's leading experts on the safety of drugs when BF and co-author of Hale and Hartmann's Textbook Of Human Lactation which runs to 700 pages.

Anyway, it may be of interest/use.

Good luck with the new baby however s/he is fed

"Sadly I think there's a very fine line between encouraging women to breast feed, and condeming them for not breast feeding. And all too often that line is crossed with upsetting results."

I'd suggest that often women perceive condemnation where there is none. If you can show me any formal bf promotion material produced by the NHS which is in any way condemnatory of women who are not breastfeeding - even very subtle undertones - well I'll eat my hat.

Sometimes midwives can be a bit tactless and I've seen the odd sniffy comment on internet boards, but overwhelmingly women I know who choose not to breastfeed are met with understanding, not criticism. In my own case, when I was struggling with bf and considering giving up, all I got was encouragement to stop and lots and lots of comments along the lines of 'happy mummy, happy baby', and 'don't feel guilty'. That's because the majority of mothers in the UK are people who've either chosen not to breastfeed, or have given up breastfeeding very early on.

"I also think there's a very fine line between women who genuinely believe breast is best for nutritional reasons, and women who believe that breast feeding simply makes them the best, and better than Mums who don't"

Another way of looking at this is that there are lots of mums who have feelings of sadness and failure about not being able to breastfeed, and others who are proud of being able to breastfeed - particularly if they've had to struggle. Women are often very passionate about breastfeeding - I know I am. And not just for 'nutritional' reasons (which I personally feel are less important than the emotional and developmental benefits). I think it's very hard to be exposed to that pride and passion - particularly in a mum who has overcome challenges to continue to breastfeed - and not feel judged, especially if you yourself really wanted to breastfeed. But it doesn't mean there is any actual judging going on!

Maybe the testing of the drug has been completed since your last child was born Levetiracetam entry on toxnet

Summary of Use during Lactation:
Maternal doses of levetiracetam up to 3500 mg daily produce low levels in milk and would not be expected to cause any adverse effects in breastfed infants, especially if the infant is older than 2 months. If levetiracetam is required by the mother, it is not a reason to discontinue breastfeeding. However, the infant should be monitored for drowsiness, adequate weight gain, and developmental milestones, especially in younger, exclusively breastfed infants and when using combinations of anticonvulsants. Maternal serum level monitoring and dosage adjustment is advisable in the early postpartum period if the drug was taken throughout pregnancy and breastfeeding.

Maybe something to discuss with your consultant, if you wanted to look at other options, now there is further information available ?

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything goes well.

Not unreasonable at all. I can completely empathise - I was unable to BF for longer than a week and felt guilty about feeding my child 'inferior' milk for months afterwards. This actually got me feeling quite depressed and i felt I'd failed in my first task as a mother.

Please do not feel that you have let your child down because you can't (or choose not to)BF.

You sound like a very thoughtful and caring mother who is / will do an excellent job.

Cory - No, that's the point: I wouldn't react against posters that just suggest something is a good option, like the 'exercise is good' posters. But I stand by the opinion that 'breast is best is really not working.

I would certainly be annoyed by a 'walking 1 mile a day is best for your heart' poster. How is that best for my friend who has no limbs? And she is in one of the categories of people most likely to suffer ill health from lack of exercise.

With all these motivational posters, I'd be happy with something a bit badly-worded if it seemed to be getting the message across. But the thing is, the 'breast is best' doesn't seem to be doing anything dramatic. So why keep it? Why not go for something better, or (as someone mentioned) spend the money on forming support units for mothers?

'but what I (and many of my friends) needed was someone there at every feed for the first few days if things were not going right.'

spot on!

this is why i failed to bf dd1 and ds.

with dd2, i got lucky and was able to spend the night at a NCT counsellor's home.

she helped me get dd2 on. over and over.

just that one night, and the confidence that came with it, was all it took.

I couldn't b/f either of my sons - hardly any milk and as they steadily lost weight midwives insisted I feed formula. I was so distraught the first time I kept away from all NCT gatherings and did not meet up with any of my friends who had had babies at the same time - the message was so strong that anyone could breastfeed and onlylazy/unintelligent/selfish women didn't that I just couldn't stand the thought of being criticised - never bought formula myself, always sent DH to the chemists for it. I still cry when I think about it and I did try so hard - had NCT breastfeeding person, a private counsellor and midwife from the hospital all involved, to no avail. Both sons now fit strong and gifted and talented, so there really is no reason for the b/f mafia to make people feel as badly as I did. Surely personal choice is of some importance?

As others have said, your drugs may well be fine. Hale is the best-respected reference there is on drugs and breastfeeding, so if he says it's ok, it's ok.

LeQueen you are spot on.