to get depressed by the invasive Breast is Best campaign?

[TottWriter]

I have Epilepsy, and the medication I take means I can't breastfeed. I've been told by my consultant and the Epilepsy nurse and my GP that the medication could pass into my breast milk and make it unsafe for my baby to drink. I breastfed my DS for a few days so he got the colostrum (the medication was passed to him through the placenta anyway), but after that, weaned him onto the bottle (with considerable tears).

I had really looked forward to breastfeeding, and when I was told my milk would be contaminated by my meds, I felt awful, and moped over it for months. I felt a failure, because I couldn't even give it a go and see if I physically could do it.

In that time, it didn't help that everywhere I went, there seemed to be a 'Breast is Best' leaflet, article, advert or other related campagn material. In addition ot hte big leaflet that the midwife gave me, there are articles in every baby book and magazine in creation, and posters all over the Ante-Natal unit. It's so pervasive that I ended up feeling like a complete failure, that I was just letting my son down and giving him inferior food. Even Sainsburys and Boots penalise women who don't breastfeed, by not counting formula milk in bonus or double points offers until you get to the toddler milk.

I'm currently 13wks, and the whole mess is rearing its head again. This time around, I am comforted by the fact that my DS is an absolutely thriving toddler; smart, active, friendly, everything but a reliable sleeper. But still, I'm beginning to get a resurgance of my old feelings of guilt and failure. I have no problems at all with the campaign's message, or the fact that it does need to be promoted to stop the nonsense of women who just can't be bothered or don't want to spoil their appearance, or breastfeed in public. What gets me down is simply that at every stage of my pregnancy, I'm confronted with paper and people telling me the one thing I cannot do is the one thing that everyone should.

Is it unreasonable of me to feel so depressed? Is it unreasonable that at times I really resent the campaign for being in my face so much?

Yanbu and congratulations on your pregnancy My first baby is due quite soon and I am hoping to bf. dh and I have been going to nct classes which seem very pro bf/anti pain relief in labour and I can see how I'm going to feel I've failed utterly if I end up with an epidural etc and a 3 week old baby on formula who needs a dummy to settle...

If you ask me, they should send all the bf literature/posters to the mums, MILs, grandmas etc of first-timers, rather than the person who is actually pregnant. I have ended up buying a sterilizer, two 0-3month bottles and an emergency 'soother' this week (despite all professional advice to the contrary) after a barrage of 'you'll regret it a 3 in the morning when your milk isn't enough' type comments from all the above relatives. Ho hum...

Pyjamababe, when I got home from the hospital there was a sterilizer, tin of aptimel, all the gear laid out as a present. Think of it as a safety net, it depends on your own psychology but I know if the net is there I won't fall. I exbf for 6 months and only this week opened that tin! So it can be done.
(Put all that gear in the loft or somewhere so it's there if absolutely neccessary but not convenient)
Though, tbh, I do feel rather uncomfortable with how strong the masseage is. As Tee said every nonsmoking sign she saw made her light up! I suspect there are similar rebellious non bfing mums. Though how do you quantify, the same ad may turn a rebellious mum off bfing and inspire another mum to try it.

IME many people I knew were determined to breastfeed but ended up giving up because although they tried and tried, there was not enough support. I went to a breastfeeding workshop run by a counsellor, she sat with me for an hour, could not help me latch baby on correctly, suggested I come back the following week. I had help from my lovely midwife and HV, but what I (and many of my friends) needed was someone there at every feed for the first few days if things were not going right. By the time the next workshop came around a week later, I was FF.

Lots of people have decided not to breastfeed before baby arrives. I personally think that the money spent on the 'Breast is Best' campaign would be better spent on mums who really want to feed their babies rather than trying to convince those who have already decided not to.

As always the problem is that in this country the message about the benefits of bfing is very strong but the support and resources to make it happen are not. Simple as that.

X-posts with OooohWhatAFuss, totally agree with everything you said.

Oh, that's so sad for you! I do agree 'breast is best' is a bit patronizing. I don't quite get the argument that it's not 'aimed' at you - so what? You still have to see the posters everywhere.

Is there any evidence that 'breast is best' posters really help get breastfeeding stats up? Because we still have a pretty poor rate as a country, don't we? My friend has just had a little girl and where she lives (she is in the UK) she can walk into the GP surgery and bet that any other woman with a baby will be bottle feeding right there. So it's not as if they haven't seen the posters!

Hi there

I totally agree with you, OP, and I am sorry you are feeling bad. Congratulations on your pregnancy, btw.

I was determined to bf my dd1 when she arrived but for some reason, we couldn't do it. We were in hospital for five days with people helping me at every feed to try and get her to feed properly (she could latch on but not sustain sucking - I think personally because she was so bashed about by the forceps delivery, she had a stonking great headache!). I ended up one night expressing on a great milking machine for the umpteenth time, crying my heart out, and saying to the midwife 'when do I give up?'. She looked at me like I was the devil and hissed at me. I was actively discouraged from giving her a bottle, until an agency midwife gave me one for her on day 5 - she took 8 ozs. Poor little soul was completely starving. Breaks my heart to think about it even now - and she's nearly 7! Anyway, decided there and then to do it my way, and I ended up exclusively expressing every feed for 3 months. Oh my god! What a palaver. I also continued to try and get her to feed from me with no luck. On one occasion the hv sat with us for 2 hours to try and help. At the end of it (with zero success and lots of tears), she said 'well, she is the worst feeder I've ever seen.' !!!!!!!!!! Nearly lamped her!! My dd is not the 'worst' anything!!!

When my ds came along, I promised myself I wouldn't go through that again - but as luck would have it he fed absolutely fine.

Anyway, my point is, OP, that I found the whole message very aggressive (despite agreeing wholeheartedly with the point behind it), and found very little support when it just didn't work for us. To the point where actually, my dd was suffering. I still feel guilty about it now (feeling all hot and bothered writing this). I have many examples of people making ignorant comments when I was feeding my dd with a bottle. I don't remember anyone, other than dh and my mum saying you are doing the best thing.

Please please don't be hard on yourself. You are not alone in this. Console yourself with the fact that you are doing the best for your dc's and that your toddler is thriving and healthy. YANBU to feel fed up by the campaign, but I hope that you enjoy your pregnancy and welcome another much loved dc into the world, minus the guilt!

Ah well, at least you'll be surrounded by other bottlefeeders, given that public bf is a rare sight in the UK.

Just focus on on the formula ads on TV and in the media generally. There's vastly more money spent on formula advertising than on breastfeeding promotion and it's far more ubiquitous.

Just out of interest OP - did you ever consult a specialist in bf and meds? The web abounds with stories of women being given inappropriate advice on this issue by GPs, midwives and nurses. And I known two women who have gone ahead and bf on their epilepsy medication with the approval of their consultant. Don't know what they were taking though.

I was lucky enough to give birth in a Baby Friendly hospital. I had an em CS so was already staying in for a couple of days when my DS was diagnosed with an infection and we had to stay in a week while he was on antibiotics. Distressing though this was, it was the best possible start for my BF. Any member of staff who came into my room was trained to help with breastfeeding and I could press the button to summon help if I needed it. I had help hand expressing into a syringe when he wouldn't suck, help when my milk came in and he couldn't latch on, help with positioning, help with checking the latch. Sometimes nurses were sat with me for over an hour. As a result, I didn't suffer any of the bleeding, cracked nipple awfulness that you hear about on here.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to get started BF without that personal support, and it wasn't till I came out and read about Baby Friendly hospitals that I realised that my experience wasn't the norm. This is where the poster money should be going - to support the women who want to BF first of all. Personal support when they need it. The hospital also provided formula for those who wanted it, it was just never suggested if you were struggling, they just gave you time and endless patience.

On the other hand, I am now still EBF at 5 months, but I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable about doing it in public (and I've never had this before, but most people I know are now FF and happily get their bottles out). I also feel automatically defensive and apologetic to those who FF, especially those who struggled and gave up, as if by BF I am automatically 'in your face' and 'smug' with it. I get paranoid when I read comments about breastfeeding nazis, as if EBF at 5 months makes me one. Also, if posters make people feel bad, what does me sitting there BF in front of them make them feel?

So, we have the situation where FF feel bad about the BF 'propaganda' and BFers (me, at least) feel bad for 'succeeding' where they've 'failed' and rubbing their faces in it simply by still BF. And, despite the Breast is Best posters, BFers being made to feel like it is something they should be wary of doing in public.

No one seems to be a winner, here.

BTW - breastfeeding promotion in the NHS was started in response to a situation in the UK in the 1970's where hardly any women at all were initiating breastfeeding, and most were stopping very, very quickly. There are comments here about the campaigns not working, but the evidence doesn't bear that out. More women every year initiate breastfeeding now. It goes up year by year. We need to continue to the 'breast is best' campaigns, but to back it up with proper support postnatally, so that more women who initiate breastfeeding are able to continue.

It will take years and years and a lot of money and effort to turn the bottlefeeding culture of this country around, like they have in Norway, and things are bound to be difficult along the way. But we're getting there. Slowly!

Tottwriter, on a practical note, I wonder if it is worth calling the Breastfeeding Network?s Drugs in breastmilk helpline (0844 412 4665). It is staffed by Breastfeeding Supporter and Community Pharmacist who has a specific interest in the topic. It may be worth talking to her to see if you can get any more information to discuss with your GP.

GPs will be understandably cautious, because it is possible that the risks of having breast milk containing the drug outweigh the benefit of breastfeeding, but they are not specialists in this area.

I don't want to get your hopes up, but I found it very helpful when I needed to know what I could take to manage migraines.

YANBU to be feeling overly sensitive about this. You are mourning not being able to do something you very much wanted to do for your baby. Give yourself a break. Let yourself feel a bit sad about it, talk about it with close friends if you can...but do try to move on eventually. You have nothingt o feel bad about, and just remind yourelf - the government posters aren't aimed at you.

To be honest, I personally think the tone and content of the government breastfeeding campaign is way off, anyway...and I'm not sure how much it really helps. As far as I can see most women who can breastfeed do, they just stop really early on for various reasons - and that's not a problem that this whole 'breast is best' message really addresses.

Sorry - would want to add that while I support bf promotion, I'm a bit sick of the 'Breast is Best' slogan, and am hoping they will come up with a new and better one soon!

I quite like the 'Mother's Milk for Daddy's Baby' posters: dad aimed at getting dads to be more supportive of breastfeeding.

Also love, love, love this video - the song is gorgeous, the mummies are gorgeous, the babies are gorgeous! (eyes water slightly at some of the nipple tugging going on here though!) Can't imagine anyone airing this ad on UK tv though... we're way to neurotic about breasts and older babies feeding.

song

If "breast is best" is too aggressive to put on a poster, is "exercise is good for you" or "do your heart a favour: walk 10 000 steps a day" also too aggressive?

Given that the number of people who must fail at breastfeeding for medical reasons is probably similar to those who cannot walk very much for medical reasons. Or is there any particular reason why breastfeeding is a more emotional subject than exercise?

Genuinely interested in people's responses.

YANBU for feeling upset, but YANBU for criticising the promotion of breastfeeding. Breast IS best, trite or not, and its sad for those who physically can't, but you are in a tiny minority. Most people can and don't want to, or don't have enough support to do it properly and it should be promoted and supported.

Give it a few more posts though and this will descend into yet another attack on the mythical breastapo and how terrible breastfeeders are for making formula feeders feel bad. It always does.

Yes - because breastfeeding is a normal part of the experience of mothering a baby for most people, and it's very sad if you want to do it and it doesn't work. The general belief in this country is that in essence, despite all the campaigns, there's actually very little real difference between bf and ff, so people can't understand this sadness and sense of loss which comes from deep inside.

The 'don't beat yourself up about it' and 'don't feel guilty' response to women stopping breastfeeding before they intended to is typical - and fails to acknowledge the natural sadness that many mums have when they feel they and their babies might have missed out on something special, that other mums talk about with so much passion. It's also quite understandable that people look around for someone/something else to blame for their disappointment and sadness.

"any particular reason why breastfeeding is a more emotional subject than exercise?"

It involves babies.

Totally agree@noblegiraffe. There isn't really a more emotive health-related subject. It's tied up with so many strong feelings.

I also don't agree that 'most people don't want to breastfeed'. I don't know the stats, but I am pretty sure fork my own experiences that the majority of women do breastfeed, but stop very early on. So they know it's 'best', but still don't manage to continuw with it, which says that the preachy, teachy government health campaign is poorly judged.

More support for women, less patronising lectures from HPs.

from my own experiences. Dpnt know how 'fork' got in there

"So they know it's 'best', but still don't manage to continuw with it, which says that the preachy, teachy government health campaign is poorly judged

Most women initiate breastfeeding, but many feel that there is probably so little material benefit to their baby that there is little point in persevering when bf is a struggle. Hence the high fall out rate. If you want evidence of this head for the Bounty forums - where you can find literally thousands and thousands of posts attesting to the vigorous health of ALL ff babies, and the stupidity and futility of continuing to bf if it's painful/difficult.

That's not my experience at all@standanddeliver.

I see lots of women who justify their decision to stop breastfeeding by going into denial about the benefits of continuing. I think it's a pretty human response.

I don't think that's the same thing as being ignorant about the benefits. And shouting 'Its best for your baby!' repeatedly at those women isn't going to change their minds.

"I see lots of women who justify their decision to stop breastfeeding by going into denial about the benefits of continuing"

I agree that this is true in some cases. But I also feel that most people find it incredibly hard to quantify the benefits of bf. So they'll say things like 'I agree breast is best but I ff, and it hasn't affected my child at all: he's very bright and has hardly had any illnesses'. People say things on these boards that reveal they expect to be able to PERCEIVE the difference breastfeeding makes in individual children, and because they can't see it, they don't really believe it exists.

I've seen comments from people along the lines of "I wasn't bf and I've got a PHD", by way of providing anecdotal evidence that there is no link between breastfeeding and better cognitive skills. Most people are very focussed on the immunological benefits of breastfeeding in particular and really have very little knowledge of the wider developmental issues for children. In addition they're often extremely cynical about the research, and ignorant about how it's constructed, in part because of the inaccurate and superficial way these issues are often reported in the media.

tottwriter, sorry, i haven't read the entire thread, but it is safe to breastfeed on at least some (if not all) epilepsy meds

look out for TRUTHSWEET on mumsnet, she is a friend of mine, she has epilepsy and has breastfed all 3 of her little girls, she can prob tell you more about it than me!

Is it just me or maybe in Liverpool but I didn't see or hear much of a breast is best campaign atall! Never mentioned by a mw in any of my antenatal checks with both dc.

When I told mw in hospital before section I planned to bf she seemed surprised- no one on my ward did other than me.

YANBU - I think it is an underfunded campaign, utterly and completely, which is why you simply get this somewhat bossy tone of 'do this, it's great'. It's the same advertising tone as "go to work on an egg" etc. Which is all great and good advice, the thing is it is easy for most to say, buy an egg, cook an egg, eat an egg. So the campaign has been effective.

The thing with bf is that it is for many people a complex and painful and profoundly testing experience - you need the campaign to be funded by actual action behind it. Everyone on the face of the UK must know by now that breast is best. It would be a far more effective campaign, imo if it were saying "Did you know your midwife is also a trained BF counsellor and we will provide you with a daily visit until BF is established".......never gonna happen but it would work, imo.