Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for thinking marriage is special?

254 replies

WashwithCare · 10/01/2010 22:30

I'm not saying that there aren't good reasons, or that it shouldn't be permissble to end a marriage - sometimes marriages fail...

But to my mind, marriage confers a special status on a relationship with a loved one whom you have chosen to consciously make a public commitment. It doesn't matter how long you cohabit, you didn't do that - you're not married.

I have had a number of long term bfs, some of whom I lived with. I didn't marry them for good reasons. I would hate the thought that I would be legally bound to them in ways I did not agree to simply by living with them.

I don't believe cohabitees should gain automatic rights, however long they live together. After all, there is a simple process and legal framework already in place if you wish to confer this on another person - you can marry them! Do others agree?

OP posts:
Goober · 10/01/2010 22:31

YANBU

Now entering my 16th year.

ninah · 10/01/2010 22:31

yawn

hbfac · 10/01/2010 22:31

My brain is melting and leaking out of my ears ... like ice-cream ...

macdoodle · 10/01/2010 22:32

hahahahahahahaha

very very bad form, a thread from a thread from a thread

Fruitysunshine · 10/01/2010 22:35

Nannies, Ex partners, Marriage, all key subjects. Looking for new material to use?

BuckBuckMcFate · 10/01/2010 22:36

Yes, 6 months of marriage obviously outweighs 10 years living together and raising 2 children

AIBU to think that when some men leave their families and longterm partner they grab onto the nearest person and to prove its 'not just a rebound thing' they get married?

Mermaidspam · 10/01/2010 22:36

Do you have nothing better to do?

Wineonafridaynight · 10/01/2010 22:38

YABU. And there's more I want to say but have been drinking and am worried I will cause offense so stepping away from the thread!

MillyR · 10/01/2010 22:39

Some people's marriages are special. Yours seems to be more like a Dickensian tale of swindling children.

Fruitysunshine · 10/01/2010 22:41

hahahaha

gaelicsheep · 10/01/2010 22:42

Clearly the OP is thinking about this issue a lot at the moment. Nothing at all wrong with asking the question. Bad form to reply and raise issues from WWC's other thread - she didn'tin her OP.

Couldn't agree more with you WWC. DH was with ex for 13 years and had 2 DCs (never married because she wouldn't - she was pretty quick to marry the new partner she ran off with though). We have now been together for 12 years, married for 10, have 1 DC and another on the way. Do I think our relationship is more committed and should have a higher status in the eyes of the law? Rightly or wrongly, yes I do. Does it in practice? Does it hell.

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 22:43

excuse me you lot, stop being rude , and take each thread for the seperate topic that it is.
thank you .

Mermaidspam · 10/01/2010 22:43

i just guffawed @ MillyR

meltedchocolate · 10/01/2010 22:45

WWC - this thread was done not so long ago, so even those who haven't read your other posts will not engage in this TOO much.

I would have been on your side in that I think if you have made no legal contracts to protect your family or haven't been married, you cant expect the same rights, but that doesn't mean you should have NO rights. Having read your previous threads, I gotta say; She deserves as much rights as you.

If you don't want to hear that you are being unreasonable, dont ask.

You decided to marry this man with all he came with, you signed up for it and now you have to cope with it. Consequence isn't it?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/01/2010 22:45

YABU

ninah · 10/01/2010 22:46

separate topic pmsl

Mermaidspam · 10/01/2010 22:48

melted - translation = "deal wit it beeyatch"???

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 22:51

Marrage is special , its above co-habiting , its a public declaration that the couple love each other and want and intend to spend the rest of their lives together , its a legal contract agreeing to provide for each other and share their property, money ect.
if a couple do not want to marry but want similar rights then civil partnership may provide the legal side.
co-habiting isnt the same. you can co-habit with a relative, a flatmate, a lodger , the dog ect.by co-habiting you promise nothing, there is no security.

Original poster
WashwithCare · 10/01/2010 22:52

Oh dear - have I breached posting etiquette again... sorry! I thought it made more sense than going off at a tangent.

BuckBuck - to answer your point - I suppose many people would see a childless marriage that only lasted 6 months as being quite insignifant in the scheme of things... but (by family law is quite good) if a marriage ended after 6 mths, the marriage woudl be considered by English courts as a short marriage, and assets would be divided on the basis of what parties came into the marriage with. A marriage that produced a child, or whatever lenght, will always be significant.

That feels a purposeful approach to me.

On the other hand, a living together relationship that produces children produces obligations. A woman living in her bf's house with his children coudl put off eviction after the relationship ended by using teh children's act.

However a couple who do not marry and who have no children have no legal relationship or responsibilites to each other. They are seperate in the eyes of the law.

That also seems right to me.

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 10/01/2010 22:52

You lot really can be bitches, you know that? Doesn't do the site any credit at all.

meltedchocolate · 10/01/2010 22:53

No no Mermaidspam! That sounds so harsh. Dont be getting me in trouble now! I'm trying to be graceful to OP here. I think she just needs to re-adjust the way she sees the other family.

gaelicsheep · 10/01/2010 22:54

WWC - the only people breaching posting etiquette here are a couple of the ones replying to this thread. (Myself included probably as I just used a bad word).

MillyR · 10/01/2010 22:58

Because people like the OP are more concerned about what they can legally get away with rather than what is morally right, the Government are discussing changing the law.

For those people making personal comments across threads about people who disagree with the OP, I am not an unmarried mother of 5 kids by 5 fathers; I am married to the father of my 2 children.

meltedchocolate · 10/01/2010 22:58

gaelicsheep - OP is trying to get people to side with her opinion and we don't. No she didn't mention her other thread but it is what she is referring to and trying to justify her other threads with this one.

I find that quite disrespectful of those trying to answer her other AIBU threads. Simply, she doesn't want to hear she is wrong.

CreditCrunchie · 10/01/2010 23:02

YABVU,

And I believe that those who agree with you are too - obviously you have never been through the horror of a forced marriage, or a highly abusive one for that matter. Life is just not that black and white.

And for those who believe that my relationship with the father of my unborn child is nothing more than what living with a dog would be, thank you for the tears in my eyes.

Thats my lot - goodnight.

Swipe left for the next trending thread