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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for thinking marriage is special?

254 replies

WashwithCare · 10/01/2010 22:30

I'm not saying that there aren't good reasons, or that it shouldn't be permissble to end a marriage - sometimes marriages fail...

But to my mind, marriage confers a special status on a relationship with a loved one whom you have chosen to consciously make a public commitment. It doesn't matter how long you cohabit, you didn't do that - you're not married.

I have had a number of long term bfs, some of whom I lived with. I didn't marry them for good reasons. I would hate the thought that I would be legally bound to them in ways I did not agree to simply by living with them.

I don't believe cohabitees should gain automatic rights, however long they live together. After all, there is a simple process and legal framework already in place if you wish to confer this on another person - you can marry them! Do others agree?

OP posts:
lowenergylightbulb · 10/01/2010 23:23

LOL @ NoddyHolder...class

meltedchocolate · 10/01/2010 23:23

OK in answer to your OP I think married people have more rights and should do compared to those who have involved the law in NO way when it comes to seperating and FIGHTING for the splitting of things (childcare, money etc)

Your case is completely different in that you want your H to have nothing to do with children he has raised as his own and who see him as their father. I do not excuse their behaviour in my mind but think you would be going too far to ask their father (as far as they see it) to stop contact completely.

I didn't want to get into this - why do I allow myself to get sucked in??

ninah · 10/01/2010 23:24

that was quick lelb

TheFallenMadonna · 10/01/2010 23:25

I think marriage and civil partnerships are important legal contracts, and I am uncomfortable with cohabitees having automatic rights as I think you should have to 'opt in' to them.

I think talking about marriage being 'special' and 'wanting to spend the rest of your life together' is irrelevant to that contract.

I think children should have the same rights whatever the relationship between their parents.

I haven't read your other thread so might be missing something here though...

fernie3 · 10/01/2010 23:26

only reason was my children had different names to me PLUS simple case of if one of us died since both of us lost one parent as children. Legally I am sure things did change when I said nothing changed i mean in terms of commintment, day to day life etc

gaelicsheep · 10/01/2010 23:27

Point taken MermaidSpam, but I believe it costs just over £100 in total to register a marriage. I can't believe there are many people who genuinely can't save up that amount for something so important. Too many people think of marriage as the big white wedding dress, huge reception, etc. etc. That is a "wedding", not the marriage. Big difference.

Tryharder · 10/01/2010 23:30

Contrary to popular opinion, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what WWC is saying. now I know she's a lawyer, it makes sense; she's quite persuasive!

Yes, I agree, marriage is special, it's a stronger commitment, harder to walk away from and I certainly feel differently towards my DH since we got married even though things haven't really changed in terms of the way we live.

Original poster
WashwithCare · 10/01/2010 23:30

Anyfucker - from small beginnings eh? Just think JC had only 12

Why are you following me anyway? Incidentaly, I never give up. That's why I'm a successful lawyer.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 10/01/2010 23:31

Its too weird. Anna and Xenia have morphed into one....

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 23:33

WASH , family, busness or criminal?

AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 23:33

a super-high-earning lawyer ?

you think you are the only one ?

incidentally, your spelling could do with some work

Mermaidspam · 10/01/2010 23:34

Very true. I think rather than a valid excuse to not get married, people tend to use the money reason though, don't they?

My wedding was done on the cheap. We had a whole big, white wedding planned and then it slowly dawned on us that it wasn't what we wanted - we just wanted to be married. We cancelled everything and, in the end, our day couldn't have been better.

wubblybubbly · 10/01/2010 23:35

Partners can chose to wed or not and thus gain the legal protection marriage offers, the DC can't make that decision, so where does the law leave them then?

Mermaidspam · 10/01/2010 23:36

Sorry - that last post was directed to gaelicsheep

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 23:38

wubbly ,why?

macdoodle · 10/01/2010 23:42

God you are soooooo far up your own arse arent you
Believe it or not, some of us here are also quite well paid professionals, funnily enough we dont lord it over other mere mortals!

Must say though, you are probably a bloody good lawyer, you have a fantastic knack of twisting things once you realise that maybe not everyone agrees with you!

gaelicsheep · 10/01/2010 23:43

Good for you. We did have the whole white wedding thing (small though, and no meringues) but it was to please our parents, not for us. We would have still got married anyway even if a traditional wedding was out of the question, and we did contemplate eloping at one point . It's a really sad thing that so many people think they have to do it "properly" or not at all.

I think the fact that people do use lack of money as a reason not to get married does often suggest there are other reasons too, such as a fear of commitment, and that's why I believe that marriage confers a special status on the relationship as a whole. Not that day to day life is any different - of course it isn't - and I don't love DH any more for having married him. But like 2rebecca I would never have contemplated bringing up children without being married - not for moral reasons but for security. Especially after seeing what DH has gone through as a result of not being able to marry the mother of his first two DCs.

wubblybubbly · 10/01/2010 23:45

Sorry drloves, why what?

Original poster
WashwithCare · 10/01/2010 23:46

commercial litigation drloves8 I'm afraid... but I am interested in family law and try and keep abreast...

My spelling is fine - but my typing is carp

OP posts:
Mermaidspam · 10/01/2010 23:49

Agreed

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 23:50

macdoodle dont be such a nasty twunt. Wash isnt lording over anyone.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 23:51

drloves8, your nose has a dirty mark on it

it looks a bit, well...brown

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 23:51

wubbly - oh never mind , just didnt get what you ment, but then it clicked.

pithyslicker · 10/01/2010 23:54

Seems to be a lot of aggression around tonight...

drloves8 · 10/01/2010 23:54

anyfucker , its not a dirtymark - its a suntan darling .... anywahy getting the nose done in a few weeks so should solve the problem.