found this site on our laptop and in despair...

[wollysocks]

we have laptop at home. after spotcheck on DP websites, "Punter Net" was at the top of the list! This gives addresses of flats to visit. Does it show intent to go. Every little thing I am worrying about. This morning he has put scented aftershave on, which is not normal for him, and I wonder if this is a sign that he is going somewhere today. Men terrible at hiding the obvious. please tell me I'm being silly.

You're being no less judgemental just because you agree with the OP...

eh ?

This is going to sound harsh Wollysocks, and I really don't mean it to be.

You came on here asking for advise, or for people to tell you that you were being silly.

You have a valid issue and valid reason to be concerned and yet you will not discuss it with your DP.

Why?

How on earth can you live a normal life with your DC whilst you have this in the back of your mind?

It is not healthy.

I know you are feeling dreadful about asking but please, for your own sanity you have to do it.

You cannot live in this limbo land and pretend nothing has happened.

It will fester and eat you up otherwise.

If you cannot talk to your DP about this then it is a sign that there is something more going on in your relationship.

If you cannot talk, how the hell can you function as a family!

You might not want to hear the truth but you need to ask the question.

wollysocks - hope you're ok. I'm afraid I have to agree with bigbadmummy though, you can't just ignore this, it will eat away!!

@anyFucker: "Eh?"

The word "judgemental" is easy to throw around when someone disagrees with you but you know no more about the situation than any other reader here. Just because, in your judgement, she's right to sneakily check his internet history, texts etc and in redbin's she's wrong, doesn't make you any less "judgemental" than her/him.

It's often the case (esp on the internet) that people who take issue with others for opining without full possession of the facts only take issue with those they happen to disagree with. Funny that...

but heracles

redbin was judging the Op for snooping

and I wasn't

it's as simple as that...isn't it ?

not everyone will agree...surely we don't need to debate that on MN

< genuinely confused >

hello everyone,

had phone call that dp FATHER was taken into hosp and eventually went there, quite a drive away and stayed the night, just got back today, so sorry for my "Silence". have read the posts and will get back to you all prob tomorrow, many thanks for all the new posts. I agree if the site was still there i would confront him and I agree why hasn't he left me! I feel it is a case of him loving me more than i do him.

had to support him over last few days because of his Dad and he still (dp) has messed up feelings although his Dad in the end only seems to have had a infection and been discharged but made him realise how frail his Dad is.

Had nightmare night, all three of us in one bed, DD, DP and me (not his Dad!) barely slept so am very tired.

BBM. thank you for your post. You are quite right. I will confront him, especially since last night when I was on Mumsnet in living room and realised on TV was programme about Menorca or somewhere and was discussing prostitution and drug addicts.

I said "Why are you watching this?"

He just shrugged his shoulders!

checked his site today and TVX come up. Is porn site, so he obviously needs this in his life as prob many men do.

Because I am heavier than before DD born I feel he prefers looking at flat stomached women than me so why should I bother trying sex because I cannot compete with them. So i just leave it and he now has a source for his lack of.

@ anyFucker:

"redbin was judging the Op for snooping

and I wasn't"

Yes you were, the difference is you judge it to be OK and redbin thought otherwise. People only ever seem to accuse others of being judgemental when they disagree with them; funny that...

@ wollysocks: You're finding suspicions behind every single thing now; just talk to him before you send yourself insane or, also unhelpfully, it comes out during an argument when you're not in the right state to be calm and rational. Men don't use pornography because the women they look at are better than their partners; different, certainly, but not better (and, as any man will tell you, wanking has about as much to do with sex as playing Mario Kart has to do with driving).

Dear Wolly, I really feel for you, but as many have said, you really need to have a conversation with him.
When you do, you need to keep your emotions out of it and listen to what he has to say. He may be sorry and he may not be, but unless you listen you will never know.
I think you, and most of the others on this site, would be surprised at how many DH's have used these services, but they may also be surprised at how many regret having done so.

You need to prepare yourself for all scenarios; if he did use it but is sorry, if he did do it but makes an excuse about lack of sex or something, if he says he didn't but you don't believe it, if he says he didn't and you believe him. Which of these would make it ok to continue your relationship? How will you forgive, if not forget?

All the best, and if he did do something, I hope he regrets it and you can get your normal relationship back.

Changes in behaviour would worry me more than just lookig at the sites. fwiw I'm a man, would never visit a prostitute but in the past when i've heard about sites like this one I have gone onto the sites just out of some morbid curiosity.

As a punternet user the majority of men on there are there for one reason.
The best way would be to sign in under his user name. Just fill in the forgot details section and it will be sent to his email address. You can then see any threads he has written as well as any emails he has sent to the escorts on the site.
You have to remember this site has alot of escorts on it that work from their own homes and work all hours.

For it to be saved as a favourite then there is a reason.
Punternet NEVER comes up as a pop up and can only be found by searching for escorts or escort/punter forums.