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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

found this site on our laptop and in despair...

115 replies

wollysocks · 09/01/2010 08:54

we have laptop at home. after spotcheck on DP websites, "Punter Net" was at the top of the list! This gives addresses of flats to visit. Does it show intent to go. Every little thing I am worrying about. This morning he has put scented aftershave on, which is not normal for him, and I wonder if this is a sign that he is going somewhere today. Men terrible at hiding the obvious. please tell me I'm being silly.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 21:39

wolly, come here let me give you a hug

yes, I am pissed, but you sound lovely

you don't need to live anything you don't want to

if you don't trust him, then where is a relationship ? You can call time on it whenever you like...

but don't give up on anything until you have talked to him about it

he used sex chat lines before ? solidgold will be here in a minute to say that isn't a dealbreaker either...

only you can decide what to do, but make sure you have tried your best to get all the facts

if he is unwilling to reassure you or is incapable of putting your mind at ease...then you have your answer

good luck x

victoriascrumptious · 10/01/2010 21:40

If your sexlife is measured by how many times you do it per week then it sounds pretty souless to me. Do you have trouble orgasming with him? I don't think I could light a spark in a month of sundays with someone so crass.

MissMoopy · 10/01/2010 21:47

I think given history of using sex workers in past it is time to confront him. Good luck x

Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 22:49

AF. many thanks for your post of hope.

he got the photo side of things sorted by having sites of porn in his favs so yes prob needs to add some dialogue (used loosely I add).

maybe not speaking to him delayed my period, maybe i am not perimenopausal after all, been worried sick about this instead! will talk to him if i find he done it again or needs new aftershave, but seriously though. scared to talk tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 22:53

bearcrumble, turns out you were exactly right as I have come on! stress obviously can only hold out for so long.

in the bigger picture, I am only a week late, that is for a normal 28 day cycle, but I have always been around 20,21 days so these extra days alarmed me. No more. can see not so late after all. silly me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 22:53

I understand wolly, but you cannot live like this indefinetly, it will make you poorly

Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 22:54

thelunar 66. ha ha ha ha ha haha. you are sooooo funny. loved it.

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 22:57

PPP. thanks for your post. I guess the answer is men do not have a sign saying "hey guess where I am going today"!!!!!!

seems it would have been better if i was oblivious. I hope and pray none of you have to go through this.

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 23:00

casserole.. too scared, don't want another row, yet another row. and if found him lying i would be so dismayed and sick where would I go from here? Not that i would really mind but he renting his house and nowhere to go. it would tear us apart and DD would loose her Dad, but I know they overcome these things, the children I mean not the mean, wanking men.

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 23:02

Bitoffun. your message could be read as "can't beat them, join them. maybe I should take a look.......

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 23:07

AF. so right on on all you say. All men together bullshit prob correct or rather lowlife pricks all together! I suppose they have to have somewhere to vent their sordid ideas as could not do it in RL.

loved your term "wine O'clock. will defo use that in future in you don't mind, my sense of humour exactly.

but would you talk to him straight away after you had thought he was lowlife, inadequate prick!?

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 23:15

AF BIG HUG back. You sound lovely too. sadly not pissed wish i was. cutting down on alcohol to see if it helps me loose weight!

your words are right. will get facts first.

do you drink wine,beer or shorts?

OP posts:
Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 23:17

victoriascrumptious. I can come ok or used too till this. Got reprieve, as have finally come on. 7 days of bliss to sort my head out. and time to see if he does it again.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 23:24

wine

vats of it

at least this evening, I have

no wolly, I would not necessarily speak to him straight away, I would take a day or two to get my thoughts straight and pick the right moment

but no longer thn that, because the wory would play on my mind and I would rather know

I understand the ostrich mentality though, what you don't know can't hurt you, right ?

cheesefarmer · 10/01/2010 23:25

Hi, the reason I mentioned the football forum is because it is a very well known and frequented one which I am also a member of - football 365. there was/is a very long thread on there about punternet, it became quite famous (on the forum haha). If he was a member of that it would be very likely that he had clicked on the link in the punternet thread.

On the football forum they are looking at the site and laughing at the men's reviews, posting extracts and nothing much more sinister than that. Which was why I thought it could be very innocent.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2010 23:29

cheese, you may be right

sad fuckers laughing at a pervo site

if my DH did it, I would give him the "I am disappointed in you" speech, but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker on its own

SomeGuy · 11/01/2010 00:50

I think that thread is a wind-up. This sort of thing: www.punternet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25447 www.punternet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3111 is more alarming.

SomeGuy · 11/01/2010 01:15

Incidentally I've found the answer to why there are so many Chinese medicine shops around.....

mummysgoingmad · 11/01/2010 01:55

wollysocks i really fell for you, my stomach was in knots for you when i looked up punter net to see what it was. Looking through the thread i feel i need to say to you, if it was me i would get the "talk" over sooner rather than later, if i had any thought that my dp was dipping his wick somewhere else i wouldn't want him to touch me, never mind anything else! I would imagine the worry is eating you up. I can understand that you want to wait to see if he uses that site again, but what if he gets a phone number and doent have to look these sort of places up? I would catch him off guard then ask him. When you put someone on the spot when their not expecting it i think its easier to spot when thery're fibbing.

mummysgoingmad · 11/01/2010 01:56

fell - oops feel

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/01/2010 09:14

I've been watching this since Saturday and have just clicked on punternet out of sheer nosiness. I wasn't surprised to find out about the bargirls of pattaya going short time for around 14 quid but didn't think that the tentacles of this site would reach that far.
To the OP, you don't seem very secure in this relationship and if it were me, I'd be out of the door pretty sharpish.
Good luck.

ProfessorPoopyPants · 11/01/2010 10:29

The trouble is, Woolly, he is the father of your dd and we are talking about breaking up a whole family here. Lots of people being quite vehement that you should leave him. Is not that easy when kids are involved. I do beleive you should give him a chance
a) to explain himself
b) to change and put things right, if your suspicions are true
My parents split when they were very young, after a rather silly decision to get married and have kids in their v early 20s. Now, I loo0k at them (both still alive) in their 60s and think, God, if you had only managed to grow and adapt to each other, you'd get on really well now. And spared their kids (me and sibs) a whole lot of of heartache.
That said, the thought that he is using prostitutes is really not nice at all...Also, even the nicest of men will lie to the bitter end rather than admit something like this, I am sure, so God knows how you can prove it.
My cousin found a tart's card (from a phone box) in her husband's cufflink-and-change bowl. It seemed obvious (to me) that it was from his pocket when he was emptying it. But he managed to persuade her otherwise (that the cleaner had put it there, having found it dropped by a visitor to the house, yeah sure) and they are still seemingly v happily married, several years later.

AnyFucker · 11/01/2010 11:58

how are you today, wolly ?

RedbinDippers · 11/01/2010 12:54

You check his phone & his internet browsing history - why hasn't he left you?

AnyFucker · 11/01/2010 13:45

redbin, he has previous

and he has obviously not done enough to reassure the OP that he has changed his ways

don't be so judgemental, I would do the same in her situation

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