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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

found this site on our laptop and in despair...

115 replies

wollysocks · 09/01/2010 08:54

we have laptop at home. after spotcheck on DP websites, "Punter Net" was at the top of the list! This gives addresses of flats to visit. Does it show intent to go. Every little thing I am worrying about. This morning he has put scented aftershave on, which is not normal for him, and I wonder if this is a sign that he is going somewhere today. Men terrible at hiding the obvious. please tell me I'm being silly.

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 10/01/2010 01:53

I've perused worldsexguide in the past, it's quite interesting reading about prostitutes in Botswana.

Heracles · 10/01/2010 02:15

To be honest, Punternet is very well known and often discussed on other forums (people finding and cut n pasting the funny/weird reviews). I only actually post on two other forums and they've both had more than one thread devoted to Punternet for humourous reasons in the last year alone.

Why not just ask him?

Heracles · 10/01/2010 02:18

Oh, and if he's putting on scent, he's probably not going to visit someone he's found on Punternet!

Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 09:51

yama, he was going to work! he at work again today and no aftershave! but he wanted sex last night really late though and i said no as it was about 1.00 a.m. he said we will come to bed early tonight (some hope) and do it then, so so far he after me which helps a bit at mo.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 09:59

thanks compo. have yet to confront him. plan is because I deleted his sites I will wait and see if he saves the site again and then go for the kill. As yet he hasn't used the computer but he will. Sickening thing is I have to go to bed to allow him access so to speak as it appears this is when he goes on site.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:02

thanks compo. have yet to confront him. plan is because I deleted his sites I will wait and see if he saves the site again and then go for the kill. As yet he hasn't used the computer but he will. Sickening thing is I have to go to bed to allow him access so to speak as it appears this is when he goes on site.

foxinsocks. yes he told me he used prostitutes before. He said he was single man and couldn't see anything wrong with it.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:08

baileyismyfriend.

Yes he used to pay women for sex and yes I found the site on his favourites bar.

I agree I need to talk to him. Plan is because I deleted all his favourites sites I will wait and see if it appears again and then go for the jugular. Can he be that stupid?

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:12

skihorse. thanks for writing what punter net is clearly than I!

I appreciate your post. He is not my husband, so I can't even divorce him. Beswt I could do is chuck him out if after talk he does not explain himself out of it, but can he really, the site was there and surely that is it.

I am defo NOT au fait with him using prostitutes, it sickens me. If i was putting reason to it MAYBE it is because they are ready and waiting and it is difficult with DD around, (so he says).

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bearcrumble · 10/01/2010 10:13

Him wanting sex is no sign that he's not seeing prostitutes unfortunately. He could be all worked up by the memory or the anticipation of one such visit.

Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:20

yangymac. thankyou for your post.

No it doesn't look good.

I clicked on it and it came up under Google with option to look at various punternet sites. Apart from this how do I check to see
which page he was looking at and how do I check log in details?

guess i am chicken to confront at mo as i feel so sick about it. plan is to to see if he saves it again and then go for the jugular.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:26

em83. thanks for your post.

you are right. there are issues of trust in this relationship. Basically I don't trust him because from the start I knew he had been to flats and why stop because he had me, at the beginning "sex on tap" though that not the case now with DD around.

Seeing this site just knocked the stuffing out of me tbh. It went throught my mind something someone said to me once "once a punter, always a punter".

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:35

acebaby. thanks for your post.

it is always poss he looked for curiousity but i knew from the start he used flats before. The other thing is men always need a visual side to sex which i accept and there were visual sites as well but the big difference is I feel Punternet shows more intent to go somewhere, not just look. Remember he told me ages ago someone at his work told him there was a flat nearby and laughed it off saying "why he told me that, I don't know".

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:47

ecomouse. thanks for your post.

aftershave on any day for him is unusual. prob because i found the site i linked aftershave the day after to visiting somewhere as men useless at hiding anything and some think this smells nice when they pile it on.

He simply went to work which makes it odd to me. He gone to work today but no aftershave.

I checked up on him because my sixth sense came into the play the night before saying "what if" so I checked and I found the site. I have checked his phone before as I found the 0909 numbers on it, this has ceased, prob since we got the laptop!???

not sure what you meant when you said he was lacking in substance. sorry to be dense.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 10:58

yangymac. so loving your second post.

when you say sites pop up, he has said this happened before when i have queried him about sex sites. So if i confronted him now he would prob use this as an excuse, but surely if they pop up and you not interested you would NOT save them on your favourites bar!????

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skihorse · 10/01/2010 11:03

wolly I'm sorr you're having to face this but I was a little upset about your earlier post when you suggested that reason might bring you to believe that he could be lining them up because you're busy with your daughter. Please don't even start blaming yourself for his infidelity, it wouldn't matter if you're trekking across the Himalayas for 8 weeks or just nipping out to Tesco - he isn't supposed to stick his dick in other women and blame you because you were "busy"!

If it happens again wolly, you can go to the manage favourites/bookmarks bit and get a basic analysis - e.g., when the site was last viewed, etc.

Not sure why he'd put aftershave on to visit a prostitute. I worked as a "telephone maid" in such a flat and I don't think these men dressed up for the occasion!

Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:04

largegin and tonic. thanks for your post.

if i am honest no he won't tell me the truth but i don't think any man would whether to protect the woman, the relationship or themselves and for him it would be to protect himself and he may simply find other ways to get what he wants. I may push him underground so to speak.

will be aware he may turn the argument around and will say don't twist this onto me when it was you in the wrong.

as i said as far as i know it was one hit so will wait and see if he does it again although my suspicion is he already has address so may not repeat the action. if i find it again i will go for him.

interestingly his phone not on the windowsill and he always left it there. may need to check it.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:08

lareggine and tonic. many thanks for asking how I am. yesterday felt very upset but today working through these posts and trying to stand back and see the big picture. still feel sick, especially if he already got address but silly as it is if the aftershave thing was a giveaway he didn't apply today to go to work. silly to base it all on this i know.

would like to add if yangymac not a counsellor she should be. such good, calm advice and someone of my thinking i feel.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:13

bbM. as I have said to someone else, ages ago he told me someone from work DID tell him there was an establisment nearby and he laughed it off saying "I don't know why he told me that" but as I said he has used them before.

it would be easy to be reassured by your post when you say all innocent but with his history i have cause for concern.

will talk to him if i find he has repeated the action as it was one hit but worry one hit was all he needed to get an address.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:21

ecomouse. the answer to "is it really likely that his looking at this site was entirely innocent given he has used the women for purpose described" is obviously NO it is not.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:27

carrieboo75. many thanks for your post.

prob because it hard convo to have am delaying it to see if it happens again, but i will if it does.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:34

nancy66.

anything is poss as you say and I take it on board, would be great cop out though surely? sorry to be old fashioned but if laughing at that then is it not derogatory to women? belittling.

with his past history of using them before am still going with the intent theory but i do take on board what you say. poss men in a group would laugh about it but he solo really at work. maybe because less sex at home due to DD 2 around it easier to get what he wants as all dressed up, pretty and gagging for it almost.

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:40

heracles. i guess you mean he putting on scent for someone else! my frame of mind at the mo cannot take this on board. He using the train to get to work because of snow instead of cycling, maybe he hooked onto someone there I suppose?

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Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 11:49

bearcrumble.

your post is so right on, very, very sadly. It makes it harder to want to have sex with him, but he said after refusal last night by me that he would want sex tonight. Oh god what a horrible spot to be in if he thinking of them not me, feel sick, sick, sick.

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SparrowFflamau · 10/01/2010 12:01

I have no advice, but I wanted to say that I love that you have replied to every post.

Original poster
wollysocks · 10/01/2010 12:07

skihorse. I don't why but i started crying at your post today and tried to read your post through tears. Prob because it was sympathetic to me.

I would like to say to everyone who has posted this has been such a great helpline for me as I cannot get out due to weather.
The support has been great and valuable.

Thanks your advice about how to check site. will do this.

Interesting you worked in a flat. Maybe my so called man is disillusioned and old fashioned (over 50) thinking this will impress. Else because he using train more instead of cycling he seen someone on the train?

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