To Think My Dh Should Not Have Thrown DS's Birthday Present In The Bin?

[midori1999]

It was DS2's birthday just before Christmas. He was given a Crystal growing kit he had wanted for absolutely ages, but we only just decided he was old enough for. (he is 9)

DS2 came in in tears. I asked what was wrong and he said DH had thrown his Crystal Growing Kit in the bin. I asked what had happened and he could barely speak, so I asked DH. Admittedly in earshot of DS2. DH said he had given a warning that it would go in the bin if DS2 didn't leave it alone. There are chemicals etc in there and it is not something DS2 can use unsupervised, so I understand that DH didn't want DS playing with it. I am not sure if the reason for not playng with it had been explained to DS2. However, I do not agree with DH throwing it in the bin.

Dh is their Stepdad, but not sure that really makes a difference. He is fuming I have questioned him (which I shouldn't have done in front of the DS I know) but I am really cross he gave such a punishment, particularly as DS2 is immature for his gae ina lot of ways (apergers has been suspected in the past) and can't always help himself but to touch thing, so I think it would have been best to put the toy out of reach.

yanbu. Of course he is going to touch it, he's 9 and it's his birthday present.

He should have put it away out of reach. He's being an arse.

For me it would probably depend if he was just touching generally or opening with the intent to use.

Problem with these sort of threats is when you carry them through you end up with an upset child & wasted money!

why wasn't ds being given the chance to play with it.....supervised??

Just noticed he had it before Christmas and was still waiting to be allowed to use it?

Poor kid!

I just noticed too he got it before christmas. Poor kid!

ours cost £20....how long has he been stepdad for?

Poor kid.

Agree, he should have had the chance to sit and play with it supervised by now.

YANBU not fair on your DS

we got one for my ds who is ten and a half for xmas and did it the other day, takes no more than ten mins to do, is simple, then leave it to grow in airing cupboard... I would have done it on his bday! Imagine having to wait yourself like this?

I'd be fuming. Your poor DS.

YANBU. Total over reaction on your DH's part. I would rescue kit from the bin, but perhaps say he can't have it for a couple of days (thereby not totally undermining DH).

Your poor DS, YANBU.

Don't let it get into an argument about who undermined/over reacted. Talk together calmly about what would be an appropriate sanction (for pretty standard 9yr old behaviour). Throwing in the bin is too much.

Your DH is a grown up, he can be the big person here, and tell DS he got cross because he was concerned about safety, and at some point he'll show DS how to play safely with his set.

YANBU.
If you can't rescue it then I'd get a replacement.

Why has he had to wait so long to use it?

Thankyou. Sorry, I should have explained better. DS got it just before Christmas, but then went away visiting his Dad over Christmas, hence didn't get to play with it right away. He has used it twice since then and the second time was last night, hence it being put away in the box but the box was left ont he dining table.

DH has now confessed he never actually threw it in the bin (why, FFS say you have and reduce a child to tears when you havent' even done it!!! ) I am fuming and DH has taken a total strop and got very aggressive verbally. He would like to be quite controlling I think, but I won't take any of his shit, so I think now DS has got the brunt of it.

I have asked DH to go out for a bit to calm down, to which he has childishly sai dif he goes he won't be coming back tonight. He knows I have to do something important to me tomorrow and that him going all night will stop me doing it. On his way out he said 'last chance'

What a joke!!!!

YANBU, your DH sounds like an unreasonable arse. Your DS has waited for weeks to play with it, it's his birthday present and he is 9.

Midori WTF is your DH on. What does he mean by last chance? Is he always such a cock?

Is this a good relationship? You may be tough enough to ignore his behaviour, but are your children?

He is being a nob. Poor you

YANBU

Your DH was very wrong to use throwing it in the bin as a punishment And he gets extra bastard points as it wasn't even his son!

Why couldn't your DH just have supervised or given him a time when he would supervise the activity? And was he really too young to do it alone at that age?

oh my god just read your last post.

Why are you with this bully? Why? And how can you let your DS get the brunt of his mean bullying?

He is usually great tbh. He does lots with the children and takes them out to the cinema etc. (youngest DS has Downs and is a bit noisy at the cinema so I stay at home or do something else with him) he is off work at the moment and has been getting up with DC all week so I can have lay in and collecting them from school, plus doing most of the housework and cooking etc. so I can rest. (bad morning sickness)

However, his normally wonderful behaviour is occasionally interspersed with this type of twattish, controlling behaviour. He does have huge insecurity problems and has agreed to try some counselling as he realises in his more 'normal' state he needs help of some sort, and I am prepared to help him sort that out. However, not at the expense of my children.