To Think My Dh Should Not Have Thrown DS's Birthday Present In The Bin?

[midori1999]

It was DS2's birthday just before Christmas. He was given a Crystal growing kit he had wanted for absolutely ages, but we only just decided he was old enough for. (he is 9)

DS2 came in in tears. I asked what was wrong and he said DH had thrown his Crystal Growing Kit in the bin. I asked what had happened and he could barely speak, so I asked DH. Admittedly in earshot of DS2. DH said he had given a warning that it would go in the bin if DS2 didn't leave it alone. There are chemicals etc in there and it is not something DS2 can use unsupervised, so I understand that DH didn't want DS playing with it. I am not sure if the reason for not playng with it had been explained to DS2. However, I do not agree with DH throwing it in the bin.

Dh is their Stepdad, but not sure that really makes a difference. He is fuming I have questioned him (which I shouldn't have done in front of the DS I know) but I am really cross he gave such a punishment, particularly as DS2 is immature for his gae ina lot of ways (apergers has been suspected in the past) and can't always help himself but to touch thing, so I think it would have been best to put the toy out of reach.

Vicar if you read my post fully you'll see that I said violence is never acceptable but she says it was two years ago and has never happened since - he went for councilling and they agreed that he would take an hour away to calm down and this is the first time they have even had to do that. Unless she is determined to leave her marriage it doesn't do any harm to try and see things from an alternative point of view.

Umm, I tried one of those crystal growing kits and it didnt work.
Your son probably isnt missing much if its any consolation.

Now you have mentioned the Iraq, Afgan bit it all sounds very familiar! When out there they are living all fulled up with adrenalin and testosterone as that is what is needed to make sure they are on the ball 24hours a day seven days a week, when they get back they struggle to come down from that and so are hard to live with for quite some time after. My dh gets like that before let alone after (he left yesterday for a few weeks and I was barely talking to him before he went as he had been intolerable all week ). He will calm down, he will realise he is being an ass, he will apologise and everything will be fine (until next time ). As long as he does not physically hurt you again then go with the flow and realise when he is less able to cope.

Note to self to take my own advice and not be so hard on dh for never being at home or turning the house into a tip with his kit before he goes .

He IS an abuser. And he needs to fuck right off, stress or no stress. It's always that excuse, stress for beating, mid life crisis for cheating

While I appreciate that combat stress is a serious problem, that doesn't mean the family of a soldier just have to accept the abuse. They can support him in getting treatment/counselling or whatever, but it's still perfectly reasonable to get him out of the house until he's sorted out rather than have to tiptoe round his moods indefinitely.

Thanks guys, however, he is absolutely not suffering combat stress, this behaviour comes from deep and ingrained insecurity related to his childhood I suspect.

We have spoken at length today and he has apologised profusely. He has spent some of the day here, but I have made it clear to him that he will not be moving back in, or I won't even think about it, until or when he has had some more counselling/help, as when it starts to affect the children it has gone way too far. We are also going tot ry an darrange some couples counselling. He feels this is the most sensible option and is fine with it.

So, I suppose we will see what happens from now on.

I've been checking in worried what happened the next day etc. Glad the talk went well.

Good luck, hope it all sorts itself out.

Glad he has realised his behaviour isn't acceptable, and that he wants to get help to try and fix what has been broken.

Good luck, hope you can work things out and you all end up happy.

Well done for standing your ground, and wishing you all the best. That includes wishing the H the best as well, if he can sort himself out that would be great for all of you.

Good luck at least he's not doing the lip service yeah yeah yeah thing and then trying to manipulate you. If he truly realises there's a problem that's a start