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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that there will be no lasting damage if I send my non RC DD to a RC School?

134 replies

thedollyridesout · 06/01/2010 11:13

That's it really.

I have read the various faith school debates on here and I'm not quite sure which side I come down on.

I will not however be faking religion/lying in order to improve DD's chances.

It's just that I'm going to look around a Roman Catholic Middle School tomorrow that has an excellent reputation in the area. What bad thing/s could happen to DD if she went there?

OP posts:
treedelivery · 07/01/2010 00:08

It's not wrong. You can do what you like on mn aibu. I have made no reference to your waxing and waning faith.

IMO your thread is odd because you state you are not disrespectful to faiths, that you prefer to talk rationally and don't like exclusion. Whilst using disrespectful language, failing to emphasise with others and making quite odd generalisations about prattling.

It's quite funny now I think of it. It would be a very clever wind up.

Some very good answers here btw.

Saucepanman · 07/01/2010 00:11

I went to Catholic schools from the ages of 11-18 as a non-Catholic and I have to agree with Bonsoir re the social marginalisation. I did feel a bit left out and very self-conscious at not being "the same" as most of my peers and not being able to take communion at school masses etc.

My dc attend the local Catholic primary, we moved 3 roads away when ds- now 7- was 1, to make sure we got a place. It is very popular due to there not being many catholic primaries in the area. They do learn about all religions, and I agree that the faith has changed from old, the kids aren't asked if they have been to mass every week!

Incidentally I converted this year, as my dh and dc are all Catholic, and- aside from feeling left out- I actually enjoyed my education and felt more affinity with the Cathoic faith than my own baptised (C of E). We are lucky to attend a very friendly church with an extremely progressive and approachable priest. Maybe you could visit the church linked to the school one sunday and see what impression you get?

thesecondcoming · 07/01/2010 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thedollyridesout · 07/01/2010 00:19

and that from someone whose MN name is thesecondcoming

OP posts:
GerbilMeasles · 07/01/2010 00:24

Honestly, how can anyone think this is a wind up? Let's face it, anyone seriously researching a school for their DC's would always get opinions from a random bunch of strangers on t'interweb about a notional school rather than going a having a look at a real school, wouldn't they? Always worked for me and now DS goes to a pretend school that I made up out of my head. Hope that he isn't suffering any lasting damage.

Original poster
thedollyridesout · 07/01/2010 00:32

I have an appointment at said school for 9.15 am tomorrow and believe it or not this thread has put paid to the odd irrational fear that I am prone to having (especially when it comes to issues of the children's schooling).

A genuine thank you to the random bunch of strangers that have taken the time to post such well thought out and meaningful posts. I really appreciate it.

Goodnight.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 07/01/2010 08:20

OP do you attend the RC church attached to this school ?
I mean we have talked about getting your dd into the school, but we haven't really talked about attendance.
For our primary, you have to have attended a certain number of weeks of the year, in order for the priest to sign your application form.
Do you want to regularly attend mass ?

I am afraid I find your use of the words 'damage' and prattle' offensive. They speak volumes.
I still don't get why you would want your dd to go to this school.

thesecondcoming · 07/01/2010 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrictlyKatty · 07/01/2010 09:47

I'm actually really annoyed by 'which saint should I pray to'. You clearly think a Catholic education is a bit of a joke. I personally do not, to me it's really important that DS has a Catholic education and I don't appriciate comments about damage and praying to saints.

You will not be activly involved in this school, your child will not take mass which is a big part of a Catholic school and you have no RESPECT for what a FAITH school stands for.

TBH I'd be fully ashamed of myself. Do you go to mosques for the free food after too or do you just use Catholic schools for what they can offer you without any thought to the parents who want a Catholic education for their children?

StrictlyKatty · 07/01/2010 09:49

'As I mentioned originally, this particular school has an excellent reputation locally and is usually over subscribed. If we do get in it will be a miracle. Which Saint should I pray to for help in that respect?'

Disgusting attitude, slefish selfish person!

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 07/01/2010 09:59

As I've said before, I find the OP's posts to be offensive, and she continues down the same route.
I'm not even Catholic I'm CofE (DH is Catholic.)
I think based on her views she's got a bloody nerve even thinking about applying to a faith school.

Bonsoir · 07/01/2010 10:02

I agree, I find the OP's attitude offensive too. I don't think people should treat other people's faiths so lightly. I am no believer in God, but I do respect other people's right to religion as long as I don't have to pander to it.

Original poster
thedollyridesout · 07/01/2010 10:40

One never can judge the tone correctly on MN.

I can only reiterate that I mean no disrespect to anyone or their faith.

My comment about which Saint to pray to was an attempt at lighthearted humour that obviously failed miserably. I was even careful to use a capital 'S' as a mark of respect.

The use of the word 'prattle' is certainly no more offensive than Bonsoir's 'pander' AFAIC.

It is precisely because I do not treat faith lightly that I have an issue with any religion being delivered via the curriculum. I have no problems with teachers imparting facts to my DC. Faith is an integral part of a person and I would like to play an important role in helping my
DC discover theirs. It is not something that I am in a particular hurry to outsource.

However this thread has made me think that it does not necessarily have to be an either or scenario.

OP posts:
bogie · 07/01/2010 10:44

I went to a rc primary and secondary school and it didn't effect me although I was the only one who use to debate everything in R.E classes.... Our teacher would read passages from the bible and I would do a little cough cough bollox cough cough.

PrammyMammy · 07/01/2010 10:46

Tbh, it now sounds like the op is just wanting a rise. It does sound like a wind up.

Bonsoir · 07/01/2010 10:56

I am sure the OP is totally genuine, not a wind up. She often posts about her children's education and she is genuinely curious and interested to know more. She is very ignorant - and very aware that she is very ignorant. Undoubtedly on MN she will learn a lot, if she sticks around.

StrictlyKatty · 07/01/2010 10:57

I hope it's a wind up Prammy, I really do. To consider sending your child to a school who's basic values you do not respect is pure insanity.

It's like making your child take tennis lessons then using the journey home to tell them it's a crappy game and badminton is much better. The mind boggles.

Bonsoir · 07/01/2010 11:07

StrictlyKatty - I think that's a great analogy.

Very confusing for children to be sent to a school with values you do not share at all (and cannot even pay lip service to).

sellthesizzle · 07/01/2010 11:16

strictlykatty great post and good analogy - you have said exactly what I was thinking!

Original poster
thedollyridesout · 07/01/2010 11:17

I agree that I am very ignorant about many things but I think I know a fair amount about the RC faith.

Which values do I not share/respect?

Your analogy Strictly is not representative of how I am attempting to raise my DC. I would never rubbish anything that they did and I would certainly not send them to a school that I thought I could not be supportive of.

OP posts:
StrictlyKatty · 07/01/2010 11:23

Thanks Bonsoir

I agree it will be confusing. I wouldn't want my child to sit in the corner when all the other children are doing prep for their First Holy Communion or when the other children go to mass or talk about religious things they won't understand.

Much better IMO to find a school which shares YOUR values so you can reinforce them at home as well.

My DH didn't go to a Catholic school but went to Mass with a lot of children that went to the local Catholic school, he says they would never talk to him as he was 'different'. Children can be very divisive so I would be very worried about my child being the 'odd' one out.

Original poster
thedollyridesout · 07/01/2010 11:35

No First Communion or Confirmation worries due to DD's age and I don't think she'll have a problem with understanding all the religious talk.

Other posters have said that they, although 'different', were never made to feel that way so I guess that depends on the individual and how the school deals with things in that respect. I shall endeavour to find out such things when I visit. Meeting was snowed off today and I was very impressed to be called by the Deputy Head and told so.

OP posts:
Original poster
thedollyridesout · 07/01/2010 11:41

On a slightly different note, I am not sure that I want my DC to necessarily share my beliefs. I want them to find a belief system that works for them and I would hope to help them along the way. I guess this whole thread for me has been about attempting to rationalise whether or not sending DD to an RC school will help or hinder her in her attempts.

OP posts:
claw3 · 07/01/2010 11:55

If you send your child to a RC school, you have to accept that the emphasis is put on RC teachings, although they do cover other religions. At the school ds used to attend they had more RE lessons, than a non RC school (4 lessons per week).

Personally i would take the focus off of religion and send your DD to the school where you feel she would happiest and best suited to all round.

Jux · 07/01/2010 15:58

You might not have to worry about First Communion, but Confirmation is another kettle of fish.