To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

[Bonsoir]

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

And whatever, I love Abercrombie and Fitch! Obviously, feeding a child nothing but Twinkies and McDonalds and soda and allowing them to grow morbidly obese is reprehensible. But so is shaming a few teenage boys, especially ones who are growing so fast they don't fit into pants bought less than a year ago, about a little holiday weight gain.

But yes, praying this is a windup.

If I had an ex who had shared residency and I discovered he was weighing my child and engaging in such damaging behaviour about their weight he wouldn't be getting next nor near them and it would be he getting the legal threats to toe the line.

sounds like a very nasty piece of work

That's the one, IsThatTheTime

This is all petits bolleaux in the end, surely? HerBeatitude, you did make me guffaw

I refuse to believe this. It would be too sad.

This is not a wind up...
T'is always the same whether she is Anna8888, BonsoirAnna or plain Bonsoir

Remembering that this is all happening in France and mindful of what others have said about that, I suspect that this doesn't in any way work against Anna's DP in the eyes of the law...

But it's a character, Ingles, I'll wager. Perhaps a comic novelist testing one out? Or the fantasy of a woman housebound due to obesity-related health issues? I will eat my hat if this woman really exists.

I hope to god you're right BoF.... but I've read so many of her posts on the dull minutiae over the years, I think she'sunhinged real

i think it is embellished grandiosity for effect.tall tales to elicit response and evoke a life of hermes,Le 4ème arrondissement,and leek soup diet.when perhaps real life is somewhat different...

it has cartoon character qualities

wow. what an unravelling

Yep, agree. Total bollocks. Loving the hilarious responses though.

My take is that your P is a nasty emotionally abusive controlling bully, and that is the reaons his XW is an ex, he can no longer control or punsih her, except thought her children
You I am afarid are colluding with him, but I suspect as a not stupid woman, the only way you can justify staying or being with such a nasty vile prick of a man, is by colluding with his bullying of his DC by blaming his XW!
I am afraid however this makes you as bad if not worse than him, nasty poisonous vile bully, and I feel so sad for all the children stuck in this horrid dysfunctional mess inclding your poor DD who has no hope in hell having no where to go

Really can't see the fuss, but have French mother, so am assuming all this outrage is fuelled by cultural difference and lack of entente cordiale.

Most French parents very vigilant about weight gain. Very different to UK and the somewhat lax attitudes - for evidence, see UK/USA obesity rates. Would expect weekly weigh in to ensure weight lost, plus vast amounts of scrutiny about diet. It is extremely different across the Channel. Being fat is such a no-no. Especially in Paris. Seen as beyond déclassé. Especially by men.

Think you seem perfectly normal to me, BA, not at all mad.But again, presume this is due to understanding the French mentality.

not all british peopel are fat, my kids all super skinnoid and sporty
so that doesnt make the french attitude right?

Is there a mamansnet that we can link this thread to, to solicit the opinion of french parents? I'd like to know if this unhealthy obsession is as normal as Anna and Eaudevie are claiming.

Surely she wouldn't just do this for a windup? It is really warped if so. I must say I am extremely worried for her daughter -if her DP reacts like that with teenage boys putting on a little weight, what will he do when the DD does?

No, not all British kids are fat, but I would (controversially) suggest that most of them seem overweight in comparison to Spanish, French and Italian kids.

Look at any group of exchange students and compare them - it's extraordinary. Why would checking their weight lead to an eating disorder? Might make them aware that being 5kgs and upwards overweight is not normal, as would seem to be the reality here.

EaudeVie- i agree the French are vigilant about weight, but they should not humiliate their children - what will he do if the boy does not lose requisite amount of weight? Starve him for the next week? This could have serious repercussions, and create an eating disorder, where one does not (I hope) exist.

Weekly weighins are NOT common amongs the French families I know, and I have been married to a French man for 15 years. It has nothing to do with cultural understanding - it has everything to do with humiliating the child - the schools here (and you may wellknow if you were schooled in the French system) do the same thing - they humiliate children instead of encouraging them and nurturing them - it is cultural, agreed, but does NOT make it correct.

Paris is full of women with SERIOUS eating disorders - fuelled, in no doubt, by this tacit acceptance that, it is cultural and therefore ok.

In some societies it is cultural to cut one's hands off for stealing - accepted in that country, but I would never agree that it was a correct thing to do. (Even if I undestood their mentality!)

scottishmummy - the 4th - surely not! The 16th or 8th perleeze!

When I lived in Paris nobody ever, ever, asked me my weight. Clearly I had the wrong kind of friends. And as for 'French attitude', as I said, I think Bonsoir is half British half Belgian - and there are plenty of Walloon Balloons shuffling round Brussels munching frites. What depresses me is that I have no doubt that the angst over any weight gain by the poor boys has as much to do with Bonsoir's (and DPs) own 'family image' as any real concern for his sons' health - hence the ultimatum to lose it asap...

totally agree with the 'family image' bellissima
What would it say about Anna and her DP to have a normal sized porky child

I WOULD say that a lot of French Spanish and german students are a LOT ruder than ENglishw ones..

Hasten to add not ALL french schools humiliate children -that was a sweeping generalisation- there are some out there that are excellent in terms of nurturing and encouraging the children. It is culturally accepted though that schools tend to appraise negatively: i.e to highlight what you are bad at, rather than encourage your good points.

I suspect what BonsoirAnna wants is for a room full of lower-middle-class women to sit at her feet, nodding and ahhing 'I don't know how you manage', 'that's so awful for you', while sadly taking in her beautifully manicured nails, her tasteful cashmere wrap, her Sheraton escritoire and her tales of the idiosyncracies of the Parisien haute bourgeoisie and acknowledging that they are in the presence of someone who is their better.

Mass-produced branded clothes and fatty food isn't vulgar in and of itself. This febrile attention to so-called taste, slight variations in weight and a catty attitude to an important person in her step-sons' lives is vulgar.

I've lived abroad in several countries and have met Bonsoir's type over and over again. Deeply lonely, deeply insecure and deeply boring.